34--The Ultimate Encounter, Ch.6

December 18.

Scrooge McDuck’s Money Bin, Duckburg, Darkwing’s Earth.

t the money bin, several of Scrooge McDuck’s employees were working normally. They had to stop when the bin started rumbling. At the door to McDuck’s private office, Mrs. Featherby, McDuck’s secretary, felt the motion. In such situations, she was under orders to check on the money in McDuck’s massive vault. Thus, she went into his office and took out an emergency key from his desk.

Suddenly, Magica DeSpell appeared before the door to the vault. She was a toon-duck about Scrooge’s height. She had black hair, a black dress, a pearl necklace, and black high-heel shoes. She spoke with quite a pronounced Italian accent. “Give me key to vault.”

“Magica DeSpell,” Featherby said. “So you are the one causing these vibrations.”

“I am not,” said Magica. Her eyes widened. “Wait a minute. Then who—”

The Liquidator came in through the water fountain in the office. “It is I who am causing these strange vibrations.”

“The Liquidator,” said Magica. “Why do I have to be upstaged?”

“Are you angry with inferior products?” asked Liquidator. “Are you fed up with losing all the time? Do you think you really could do better? If so, join the Fiendish Organization for World Larceny, F.O.W.L.!”

“I do not need to join any fiendish organization, Mr. Waterhead. I’m a freelance villain.”

“Well, if you feel that way and really want to call me ‘Waterhead,’ prepare to be soaked.” Liquidator flooded Magica DeSpell and Mrs. Featherby out of the office. As they were washed out, Liquidator called out to Magica. “Think about it, Magica DeSpell. F.O.W.L. will seriously consider any evildoer’s request to join the Fiendish Organization for World Larceny. Farewell!”

Liquidator went to the vault door and considered it. “Hmm. A simple water drill will open this.” He burst through the vault door and entered the vault. He inhaled deeply. “Ah! Fresh money.” He dove into the money and went to the very bottom of the vault.

Liquidator ordered the sewer waters below the floor of the money bin to break through the floor. A huge crack formed, weakening the floor. The money drained into the sewer. Liquidator then entered the sewer and ordered flood-waters to carry the money back toward Saint Canard. “My mission is almost accomplished. Soon, I’ll be back in Saint Canard, and then I’ll try to find a way to fit all of this money into the building.” He got out the map to examine it. “Nothing like a robbery right before dinner.”

Liquidator returned with the money through several intersections to Saint Canard. He noticed something lying in the water and ordered the flood-waters to stop. He went over to examine the obstruction. “Well, if it isn’t Deadmeat Duck. Ha, ha, ha! It looks like he’s taken a big fall. That means that Negaduck’s hideout is right above me.”

Darkwing groaned and got up. “One internal, two internal, three internal injuries; four internal, five internal, six internal injuries; seven internal, eight internal, nine internal injuries; ten internal injuries in all,” sang Darkwing to the tune of ‘Ten Little Indians.’ “Fortunately, none of them are severe. Whoa! Where am I?”

“You mean you fell all the way from Negaduck’s hideout one hundred fifty stories high directly through the street into the sewers here and survived without major injuries? Oh, my gosh! You must reveal your brand secret.”

“The Liquidator. I should have known that you would succeed.”

“What you live through, Darkwing, amazes me. But let’s get down to brass tacks. Thou canst not defeat me in thy weakened condition, so prepare to meet thy doom at the hands of the Liquidator.” Liquidator felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around. “Yes, what can I—Magica DeSpell! How nice to see you here. Come to submit your application to F.O.W.L.?”

“No, I haven’t!” Magica snapped. “Give me Scrooge’s first dime, or prepare to suck magic, you watery fiend.”

Darkwing took his spare Gas Gun out of his cape and aimed it at Magica. “Suck gas, witch.” He shot her with a magic-draining gas.

Magica wailed. “My magic! You drained it. Oh, I hate do‑gooders. You’re almost as bad as that typhoon of a tycoon, Scrooge McDuck.”

“Dry up, DeSpell,” said the Liquidator. He snapped his fingers. “Are you annoyed by bothersome little twerps who have potential but refuse to use it? Then, the Liquidator brand will eliminate them thusly.” The waters formed a huge wave that washed Magica away.

“Oh, no. Not again!” She screamed as the waters washed her all the way back to Duckburg.

Liquidator turned to Darkwing. “Now, prepare to be soaked, Darkwing Duck.” Before Liquidator could do anything, Darkwing fired a gas cartridge at him. This gas cartridge contained a material for creating pudding. When it entered him, it exploded and turned him into a sticky mess. “Oh, yuck. Do not add water.”

Darkwing Duck approached with beaters on the end of his Gas Gun. “Prepare to be turned into pudding, you larcenous felon.” An electric beam blasted the Gas Gun, destroying it. “Yike!” He turned to see a sparking Mega Volt followed by some other F.O.W.L. members.

“That’s what you get when dealing with the vile, Darkwing Duck,” said Mega Volt.

Bushroot cackled as he grew plants from the sewer floor. The vile vegetation tied up Darkwing. “These plants will put an end to your plant-devouring plans, Deadmeat Dope. Ha, ha, ha! My Venus flytraps have been waiting for roast duck.”

“How do you like your roast duck?” Mega Volt asked.

“Fried,” said Quacker Jack. “Fried to a crackly crunch.”

“Very well. Fried to a crackly crunch it is.”

“Uh, oh,” said Darkwing.

“Wait! Wait,” said Bushroot. “Don’t fry him yet. Let’s get him back to the lair. I want to perform a villainous experiment on that blasted duck. Moliarity and I have a plan to turn him into a villain.”

“To turn who into a villain?” asked Negaduck.

“Darkwing Duck. Why, Negaduck?”

“Why?” answered Negaduck. “Because, you fool, if you turn him evil, I’ll be turned good!” Negaduck’s hat spun. “Do you get it?”

“Why would that happen?” asked Bushroot.

“You’re so dense. You explain, Mega Volt.”

“If one looks in a mirror, one sees one’s mirror-image opposite on the other side,” Mega Volt said. “Well, in some way, the bi‑universal gate was disrupted enough so that Negaduck was pulled out of the so‑called mirror universe, which Negaduck calls the Negaverse, because it’s completely negative to ours, while Darkwing Duck was on this side of the gate. He is here today because a disruption propelled him into our universe. That disruption was caused when Moliarity, Professor Nimnul, and I blasted Darkwing with my tron-splitter some time ago. Our doing so caused a disturbance between our two universes.

“Negaduck is the exact opposite of Darkwing Duck. So long as Darkwing remains good, Negaduck remains evil. However, if we turn Darkwing Duck into a villain, Negaduck will most likely turn into an annoying goody-two-shoes, just like Darkwing is now.”

“That pretty well sums it up for you,” said Negaduck. “I’d hate you terribly if I were good.”

“I see,” Bushroot said.

“Come on, guys,” said Negaduck. “Let’s get this loot back to the hideout. It’s just begging to be spent.”

“You treacherous transgressors,” said Darkwing Duck. “My friends will save me.”

“I look forward to it, Darkwing. Just one question.”

“Go ahead.”

“How did you survive a fall from all the way up there?”

“I don’t know. I thought I would be seeing the coroner by now.”

“I was also hoping for that. Oh well. Guys, let’s get up there and put this idiot back on the wall.” All the villains laughed evilly.

* * *

Command Center, Hawkhaven, Limbo.

At Hawkhaven, everyone was starting to get worried. “Something must have happened to Darkwing Duck,” said Steelheart. “He could not possibly be chanting his ‘I am the’ nonsense for this long.”

“If you think that, then you don’t know Darkwing very well,” Gosalyn said. “But I have to admit, you’re probably right.”

“Cheer up, little Gizmo-buddy!” GizmoDuck said. “The N‑Team shall find Darkwing, no matter what is wrong. We’ll burst into Negaduck’s headquarters and grab Darkwing right out of their hands! I shall—”

Steelheart grabbed his beak. “Has anyone ever told you that you let your mouth run away with you?”

“I get the idea,” muttered GizmoDuck. Steelheart let go of his beak. “Whew! Thanks.”

Steelwill was working at one of the computers. “Aha! Steelheart, I have it.” Steelheart walked over to him. He pointed at his screen. “This is where Mumm‑ra and the Plundarrians are. They’re on New Thundera.”

Steelheart studied the map and coordinates on his screen. “Good work. How did you get this? Did you tap into F.O.W.L.’s computers?”

“Well, I tried, but I had no luck. Their computer security is pretty good. Frankly, I’m not sure quite how I found them. I had the instinct to check out New Thundera. When I checked there, finding them was pretty easy.”

“Terrific,” said Lion‑O. “Let’s get over there before the other villains find them.”

“If you don’t need my part of the team for that operation, we’ll go over to Negaduck’s hideout and try to get Darkwing,” Kevin said.

“Okay, Kevin, you go do that,” Steelheart said. “Are you coming with us, Thunder Cats?”

“Cheetara, Tygra, Panthro, and I are coming with you,” said Lion‑O.

“What are we going to do?” asked Wilykit.

“You two are going to third‑Earth to hold down Cat’s Lair.”

“That’s it? Is there nothing useful for us to do?”

“Not at the moment, but something will come up. Please do it, guys. I promise you’ll get to do some interesting work later on.” The Thunder Cats and Silver Hawks left the room to warp to New Thundera. The Thunder Kittens reluctantly returned to Cat’s Lair.

“I just wish we had gotten Bengali, Pumyra, Lynx‑O, and Snarfer out of the Tower of Omens already,” said Kevin. “Okay, N‑Team, let’s go pay Negaduck and his pals a visit.”

“What about the Mario-Team, Captain N?” asked Mario. “What can we do?”

“You guys come with us. Mr. Mason, could you go back to California and grab the rest of your legal pals? We could use their help when the time comes to prosecute the villains.”

Mason smiled. “You’ve got it, Kevin. Paul, what do you say?”

“You aren’t going to make me get my son out of his office, are you?” Drake asked.

“Paul, that is exactly what I want you to do.”

“What about Ken Malanski? Won’t he be just as useful?”

“Of course, Paul. That’s why I want you to get your son while I get Ken. That way, we’ll recruit a lawyer and a detective.”

“And what can the rest of us do while you are out gallivanting around?” Tragg asked.

“Help hold down this fort,” said Mason.

“I figured. And if anything comes up?”

Mason smiled. “Deal with it.”

“I figured that, also. Have fun, Mason. You too, N‑Team.”

“What about the Justice Ducks?” GizmoDuck cried. “The righters of wrong? The destroyers of injustice? The—”

Tragg grabbed GizmoDuck’s beak. “Look, pal, I don’t want to be accused of ripping your beak off your face.”

“I get your point,” muttered GizmoDuck. Tragg let go.

“GizmoDuck, you and the other Justice Ducks can help my friends here with holding down the fort,” Mason said.

“Okay. We’ll stay here and look after the place.”

“Let’s go, Paul,” said Mason. “Something tells me that we haven’t a moment to waste.” Mason and Drake took a warp to 1992 Los Angeles. Kevin, the N‑Team, and the Mario-Team took a warp to Saint Canard.

* * *

New Thundera.

The planet New Thundera was divided into several disparate zones. The only similarity between these zones was that one had to be equipped with special gear to survive in their climates. A few of these zones were each under the influence of a Moon of Plundarr, from which the dreaded Luna‑tacks had come in ages past.

In one of these biomes, the Jungles of Darkness, the only way to see was to have infrared vision. This zone had a Moon of Plundarr, the one from which Red‑Eye had come, in a tidal orbit right above it. Another of the strange biomes was under the control of the Moon of Plundarr from which Chilla had come, and it was called the Caverns of Cold. Whenever one visited this biome, one had to be properly equipped with body-warming articles or face immediate hypothermia.

In yet another mysterious biome, the Mountains of the Moon, the gravity was so strong that a person from Earth would be barely able to stand. This was controlled by the Moon of Plundarr from which Tug‑Mug had come. One would have to be equipped with super-spring-gear, such that the Thunder Cats possessed. In yet another biome of this world, a meadow-like canyon referred to as the Canyon of Youth, one could be transformed into a child if one were not careful! Another area, a rather barren area with vast networks of underground caverns, used to be controlled by Mumm‑ra. A Pyramid once stood on the surface of this region. This Pyramid was destroyed when Lion‑O first defeated Mumm‑ra on New Thundera, but the remains still lingered.

In a grotto underneath the Pyramid’s remains, Mumm‑ra and the Plundarrians were hiding out. The only evidence of their presence was the Luna‑tacks’ Sky Tomb parked outside. “This is a catastrophe,” Mumm‑ra said. “A union of do-gooders. The only consolation is that Prince Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa and numerous other evil-doers are forming a coalition, as well.”

“When do you suppose the evil-doers will find us?” asked Luna.

“I don’t know. I have no intention of going out in that intense rain to look for them, that’s for sure. It’s so wet out there that all of my bandages would get soaked.”

“Well, if they don’t find us soon, I’m going to look for them,” Aluro said.

“You’d be plain loco to go out in that rain, Aluro,” said Chilla. “You could be washed away.”

“It’s probably better than sitting here on my rear end all day. I thought that this Prince Ludwig had powerful location systems.”

“I wonder what he’s up to, anyway,” said Luna. “It can’t be tiddlywinks, that’s for sure. He may be experiencing technical difficulties with some do-gooders.”

* * *

About a kilometer away from the cliff overlooking Mumm‑ra’s crushed Pyramid, the Silver Hawks and Thunder Cats arrived through a warp. “That’s interesting,” Steelheart said. “It’s raining here also.”

“At least we’re not in the Caverns of Cold,” said Lion‑O. “It’s colder there than it is in the tundra or Antarctic region of your Earth in winter.”

“Now that would be awfully cold,” said Stargazer.

“Let’s get over to that Pyramid and blast off Mumm‑ra’s bandages,” Steelwill said. They started off towards the Pyramid’s ruins.

* * *

The presently cloaked Flagship of the Koopa Fleet warped into the skies above New Thundera. Ludwig and numerous other villains were on the ship’s bridge, along with the electrifying Mega Volt. Their viewscreen showed the arrival of the Silver Hawks and the Thunder Cats.

Mega Volt laughed, as sparks came popping out of the connectors on his head. “Those Silver Boobs think they can get to the Pyramid before we can, eh? Well, I’ll get down there and give them the shock of their lives. Warp me down, Eggplant Wizard.”

“What will you do down there, Mega Volt?” Ludwig asked.

“I’m going to fry the Silver Hawks’ wings off, and then I’ll raise some evil static with the Thunder Kitties.”

“Very well. But I want to give you one warning before going down.”

“What might that be?”

“Have a good time.”

“Oh, I definitely intend to do that. Ha, ha, ha! Warp me down before I fry you, Eggplant Wizard.” Eggplant Wizard opened a warp, which Mega Volt took down to the surface near the cliff.

* * *

The heroes were passing among the ruins towards Mumm‑ra’s pyramid. “We’re almost there,” said Steelheart. “Just a few more meters.”

A humanoid shape materialized ahead and began coming towards them. “Am I hallucinating, or is that Mega Volt?” Steelwill asked.

“Don’t be silly, Will. How could it be . . . It’s really Mega Volt!”

“Yes, it’s me, Mega Volt, who am here to relieve you of your worthless steel and fur.” Laughing wickedly, Mega Volt was sparking from head to toe. He turned as if addressing an imaginary audience. “Do you ever get that creepy déjà vu feeling?” He then blasted the Silver Hawks and Thunder Cats with his wicked wattage. “I still get to waste you guys, though.” His laughter was interrupted when someone shot his rear end with a laser. He stopped zapping and leapt up into the air with a shriek. He fell on the ground. “Oof! Who the heck did that?”

“It was I, Captain N,” answered the perpetrator, whose Zapper was pointed at the villain.

“What are you doing here?” Steelheart cried. “But boy, talk about someone being in the right place at the right time.”

Mega Volt got up and stormed over to Captain N. “I’m going to waste you, Captain Nice‑guy.”

“To partially quote Darkwing Duck, suck water, villain,” Captain N said. He thumbed his Zapper to a water setting and short-circuited Mega Volt with a stream of water.

Mega Volt screamed. “I’m being short-circuited!” Mega Volt fell on his back.

“Ready to give up?” Captain N asked.

Mega Volt pointed his finger at Captain N. He tried to shoot lethal voltage, but only fizzle came out. “Electricity. I need electricity.”

Captain N set his Zapper on ‘protons.’ “Whatever you say!” He shot Mega Volt with protons from his Zapper.

Mega Volt cried out. “No! Not protons, you fool. The lightning will electrocute me.”

“How shocking,” said Captain N. When he had finished zapping Mega Volt with the Zapper, a lightning bolt shot down and fried Mega Volt.

“I’m being fried!” When the lightning bolt stopped frying him, Mega Volt was sparking from head to toe. “Whoa! Just call me, ‘Sparky.’ And, by the way, don’t. Thank you, Captain N, for helping me get more electricity than I’ve ever had before.”

“Oops,” said Kevin nervously to Steelheart. “Heh, heh, serious boo-boo.”

“You should know that electrons are attracted to protons,” Steelheart said.

Kevin gulped. “Sorry! I should have known, but I’ve never dealt with someone like Mega Volt before.”

“Gee, I suppose I ought to fry you guys now, but I just haven’t the heart,” Mega Volt said. He thought for a moment. “What heart? I don’t even have one.” Laughing, he shocked the Silver Hawks, Thunder Cats, and Kevin with his newly gained lethal wattage. “Watt’s the matter, guys? Getting the shock of your lives?” He modified his shocking beam to wrap up the good-guys. They were no longer being shocked, but they were all tied up. This was Mega Volt’s electro-prison. “I’m going back to Mumm‑ra’s tomb, and you are coming with me.”

Using his dangerous amperage, he easily carried along the Silver Hawks, Thunder Cats, and Kevin while proceeding to the Pyramid ruins. He halted beside Sky Tomb. “Ah, Sky Tomb,” he said. “Okay, guys, stay put. As if you had any choice!” He directed his electro-prison to move the heroes to sit on the ground next to Sky Tomb. Next, he proceeded into the Pyramid ruins.

* * *

Within the crypt, Mumm‑ra was growing more restless. “If Ludwig doesn’t find us soon, I may have to go seek him myself. But I want to make sure our enemies don’t make their way in here unwelcome first.”

Mega Volt came into the crypt. “Oh, don’t let that bother you. I’ve fried your enemies. Ha, ha, ha!”

“What? Who are you?”

“I am Mega Volt, the master of evil electrons. My team, the Fearsome Ten, is affiliated with Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa’s Brain-Team.”

“Interesting claim. Have you any proof?” asked Luna.

“Just focus the waters of the cauldron on the area just twelve meters north of this Pyramid,” said Mega Volt.

Mumm‑ra spread his arms out above the cauldron. The cauldron showed them the Thunder Cats and Silver Hawks electrified. “Excellent,” Mumm‑ra said. “Can you put us into contact with Prince Ludwig?”

Mega Volt got out a device and pressed a button in the middle of it. “At any moment, Ludwig will warp us into his Doomship.”

In a moment, they all disappeared from the room in the Pyramid and reappeared on the bridge of the cloaked Doomship. “Good work, my electron-tossing pal,” said Ludwig.

“Prince Ludwig,” exclaimed Mumm‑ra. “It is good to meet you finally.”

“And you as well, Mumm‑ra. Mega Volt, have your fiendish wattage warp those do‑gooders to Metroid. I look forward to dealing with them myself.”

Mega Volt snapped his fingers. “Easier done than said.” The wattage quickly transported the Silver Hawks, Thunder Cats, and Captain N to Metroid. “There, Prince. They’re at Metroid. Now what?”

Ludwig turned to MotherBrain. “Now, I want you, my beautiful MotherBrain, to go to Metroid and make things very uncomfortable for Mega Volt’s prisoners and to cloak Metroid.”

“Oh, I shall, I shall,” said MotherBrain. “Eggplant Wizard, King Hippo, Dr. Wily, and ProtoMan, come with me. It’s time to start cooking some good-guys for dinner, with Darkwing-paté as the main course. These do‑gooders are just appetizers.” She laughed.

“You definitely have my permission,” Mega Volt said. “You can fricassee them until they are so burnt that, if a quarter-pound weakling tapped them, they would disintegrate.” All the wicked villains laughed their devilish hearts out.

* * *

Saint Canard, Darkwing’s Earth.

In Saint Canard, it was still raining to no end. The N‑Team arrived at the tall, elegant skyscraper hotel in which Negaduck and Steelbeak had their hideout on the penthouse floor. “I hope Kevin was able to stop Mega Volt,” Lana said.

Simon yawned. “It wouldn’t be the first time he caught a criminal,” said he. He pretended to be indifferent towards Kevin, but he really was not. He was beginning to really like the guy.

“Let’s just get up there and mega-save Darkwing,” said MegaMan. At this, they set out.

* * *

Up in the top of the skyscraper, Negaduck and the rest of the F.O.W.L. agents were in conference again. Liquidator had returned with the money, but Mega Volt was still away with Ludwig.

Steelbeak indicated the hoard that Liquidator had liberated from McDuck’s vault. “Feast your eyes on the vast amount of cash stolen by the villainous Liquidator.” He snapped his fingers. “Oh, girls!”

Two girls, both in pipe-like costumes, came out. They sang in tones that were melodious, along with Steelbeak, whose tone was anything but:

He’s wet and he’s cool,

he’s really hip!

He may be made of water,

but he’s no drip!

Doo‑wah!

“You’re quite right,” replied the Vulture-Leader of High-Command. “Has Mega Volt not returned yet?”

“Not yet, High-Command,” said Steelbeak. But then, Mega Volt warped into the room with Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa. “Correction!”

“Hey, High-Command,” said Mega Volt. “I just got back.”

“Did you accomplish your mission?” the Duck-Leader asked.

“With flying sparks. I was even able to capture the Silver Hawks, some of the Thunder Cats, and Captain N.” He tittered.

“That is an audacious claim. Have you any proof?”

“Yeah,” said Mega Volt. “Over to you, my dear Ludwig.”

Ludwig turned in the direction of the warp zone. “All right, Luna, bring them in.”

The Luna‑tacks brought in all the Silver Hawks cuffed to a straight, thick wall of metal that rolled on lockable casters. Afterwards, they brought in the captured Thunder Cats—Lion‑O, Tygra, Cheetara, Panthro, and Snarf—in the same manner. The villains present ooh’d and ah’d.

Ludwig had dealt with Kevin in a different manner, though. The Game Master was rolled into the room in a device keeping him at absolute zero.

“Notice how I keep Captain N, leader of the N‑Team, alive while forcing him to remain helpless,” said Ludwig. “The zero-degree-Kelvin temperatures are keeping him so cold that his bodily processes are not functioning. The processes of his entire body are suspended. He is still alive, but he is not operating. I carefully reduced the temperature, too. I needed to be extra-careful in dropping the temperature to keep him alive. Notice, if you will, the frozen particles surrounding his body. That is frozen air. That helps him remain alive. In essence, he is cryogenically frozen.”

“You’re as nutty as I am,” said Quacker Jack. “You’re also as diabolical as I.” He laughed. He then ‘ventriloquized’ the following in falsetto so that it looked like his doll, Mr. Banana-Brain, was speaking: “Yep! This guy’s nuttier than a bag of cashews.”

To the villains’ unpleasant surprise, the F.O.W.L. Egg-Men who had been on guard outside came crashing through the door. The N‑Team and the Mario-Team sprang into the room.

Princess Zelda aimed her energy bow at Quacker Jack. “You’ve definitely got that right.”

“Oh, it’s the N‑Team,” said Quacker Jack. “I should have known that you’d ruin our fun, you spoilsports.”

“Don’t worry about this little disturbance,” said Mega Volt, “because I am going to fricassee them along with the others!” Laughing away the last vestiges of his sanity, Mega Volt blasted the N‑Team with more of his lethal voltage. “It’s electrocution time!”

A little later, all the Silver Hawks, all the N‑Team, Lion‑O, Snarf, Cheetara, Tygra, Panthro, and Darkwing were on the wall. Kevin was still entrapped in the deep freeze.

Quacker Jack laughed. “Mega Volt is going to light up your lives. Once we have all the members of your associations, it is going to be barbecue time.”

“That is true,” said Liquidator. “When we capture the entire N‑Team, you guys are going to be fried by the incredibly shocking Mega Volt.”

“And, once he has done that,” Bushroot said, “we, the entire mass of the Brain-Team, shall turn this galaxy into our own personal empire.”

“When we have our empire, we’re going to rob the entire Galactic Gold Reserve,” Quacker Jack said with a laugh. “Not even the entire planet on which Saint Canard is firmly situated can stand the weight of the money that is in that place. Then, we’ll make our own personal devices of devastation and make it so that nothing is left of this galaxy but smoke and soot. Just for the fun of it!” He dropped on his back and laughed his evil heart out.

* * *

Perry Mason’s Old Office, Los Angeles, California, Kevin’s Earth.

Even in California, USA, on an Earth which was but a slight variation from our Earth, it still was raining. At Perry Mason’s old office, he was talking with Ken Malanski, Paul Drake, and Paul Drake, Jr. Both Ken Malanski and Paul Drake, Jr., were younger than the other two. Paul, Jr., was much like his father, except he was a little shorter, around Mason’s height; he wore a blue suit, and his hairdo was not as smooth as his father’s. By contrast, Malanski was slightly taller than as Paul the Elder. He had sandy-blonde hair, and he wore a black suit like Mason. Normally, though, these two usually dressed in ties only on court dates and days of all sorts of hearings.

“So, we need your help” Mason said. “You in?”

“You’d tell yourselves that you were accursed if you ever went to any of those crazy places.” Paul, Sr., said.

“We can look out for ourselves, Dad,” said Paul, Jr. “Of course we’ll help you. Right, Ken?”

“Sure,” said Ken Malanski. “Just to help out. I seek no financial gain in doing this, though I wouldn’t refuse—ahem!—a small amount of money for pulling off something for Mr. Mason.”

Perry Mason smiled. “Maybe, if we succeed.”

“Perry, that Mega Volt has the electricity to shock an army,” Paul, Sr., said. “At the moment, he appears to be second on the list of public enemies in Saint Canard, with Dr. Slug at the top and Liquidator right below.” A bolt of electricity blasted by them. “What was that?”

The extremely wicked Mega Volt appeared in the doorway. “It was I, Drake.” He laughed.

Ken Malanski went over to the water fountain, got a big cup, and began to pour water into it.

“Now, Mason, prepare to eat wattage.”

“Before that, let me offer you a drink, Mega Volt,” said Malanski, right before tossing the cup at Mega Volt.

“Oh, no!” cried Mega Volt. When the cup hit him, it went up into the air, hole-end up. “Ha! Missed me.” Near the ceiling, the cup turned around and descended toward Mega Volt’s helmet. “Now, suck volts, do‑gooders.” He looked up and then shrieked. “No! I’ll short-circuit.”

“How shocking,” said Perry.

The water cup hit Mega Volt’s nose, and the water spilled all over him. Shrieking, he shorted out. When he was fully shorted out, he lost consciousness and fell on the floor.

“What a shocking experience,” said Paul, Jr.

“How punny,” said Paul, Sr. Something snapped on his rear end. “Yow!” He leapt high in the air and crashed. “All right. Who did that?”

“It was that larcenous toy-master of crime, Quacker Jack,” said Ken.

“That’s right,” replied Quacker Jack, entering with his army of villainous snap-teeth.

“What are you doing here?” asked the older Paul. “And why did you have your snap-teeth snap my posterior?”

“Merely for the sheer delight,” the loony duck said. “Oh, such classic humor my snap-teeth create when they snap onto someone’s rear and make him jet up into the air in extreme pain! For extra fun, I would to have told them to bite something else in that area.” He laughed.

“Ooh, Quacker Jack, get that blasted Ken Malanski,” Mega Volt said. “He shorted out my blasted circuits. Oh, he made me mad as you-know-where.”

“It’ll be a pleasure,” replied Quacker Jack. “It’s play-time! Hoo, hoo, hoo! Liquidator, Bushroot! Come on in and join in on the fun.”

Amid Quacker Jack’s laughter, Liquidator and Bushroot sprang into the office. “We’ll put an end to your vegetable-devouring days, you cannibals,” said Bushroot.

Neptunia leapt into the room. “Don’t count on it, Melon-Head.”

“Ooh, don’t call me that,” Bushroot whined.

“Well, well, well,” Liquidator said. “Look what the wave washed ashore: the big mouth of the sea.”

“I may be a big mouth, but I’m not as much of a big mouth as you are,” Neptunia said. She blew her shell-trumpet. A tentacle burst in the window; grabbed Liquidator, Bushroot, Quacker Jack, and Mega Volt; and carried them out to sea! Neptunia went to the window. “Thanks for the hand, Harry!” She turned to the others. “Sorry about that window, guys, but I just had to do something about those supervillains before they clobbered you.”

“Well, I’m glad that you thought about us before the window,” said Paul, Sr., wiping his forehead. “That crummy Quacker Jack. He ordered his snap-teeth to bite my seat.”

“I know,” replied Neptunia. “He always does that. His teeth bit me there last week, but that was right before I washed him up and stole Darkwing’s stage. Boy, were both of those nuts mad. I thought that DW would never stop yelling.”

“Hey,” said Ken. “Aren’t you a criminal specimen of aquatic life?”

“I was never a criminal, baby. I was merely the adversary in one of Darkwing Duck’s cases. DW and his pal, Launchpad, made me see the error of my ways in trying to destroy the city. I was only trying to get rid of those who polluted my waters, but Launchpad sure made me realize that flooding the city was not the way to go. I have a hard time explaining that to the Liquidator, but, of course, he is truly a villain. Well, no sense in hanging out here any longer. Let’s get to Hawkhaven before Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa finds us here.” They entered a warp to Hawkhaven.

* * *

Cat’s Lair, third‑Earth.

In the control room of Cat’s Lair, the Thunder Kittens were keeping their eyes on the monitors.

“You know, I wonder why we couldn’t go along,” Wilykit said.

“So do I,” said Wilykat. “I don’t see why we can’t face a little danger now and then.”

“Me, too,” said Wilykit. “It’s not as if we drowned or anything.”

“Hmph! Just a momentary difficulty brought on by a liquid-bodied mutt. If you want my opinion, they are too darned—and I would use another word if my conscience would let me—concerned about our getting hurt. Of course, it may be that they want to hog all the glory.”

“Maybe. We reveal the identity of that idiot A‑Tom‑U‑Lar, and no one gives us credit. But who knows?” A button on the control panel flashed yellow. Wilykit pressed it. “Cat’s Lair here. Wilykit speaking. Go ahead.”

GizmoDuck appeared on the screen. “Hello, Thunder Kittens. This is Hawkhaven. There seems to be—ahem—a difficulty. See, the Thunder Cats and Silver Hawks who went to New Thundera were supposed to report in by now. Kevin went to join them. Some sensor records seem to indicate that a warp was opened from a cloaked ship to a point on New Thundera’s surface near the Pyramid.”

“Hm,” said Wilykat. “It would seem Ludwig has captured the other Thunder Cats, the Silver Hawks, and Captain N.”

“I think so. I . . . wait a sec. A transmission is coming in.” He pressed a button on the computer console where he was.

Ludwig’s voice flooded over the communicator circuits with a malicious laugh. “This is Emperor Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa. You do‑gooding N‑Team will be no more once I’ve come to Hawkhaven. I’ve caught your precious pals who made the mistake of encountering Mega Volt on New Thundera, and Mega Volt also brought to me your good friends Mumm‑ra, the Luna‑tacks, and the Mutants. I also have those who made the ill-advised blunder of finding Negaduck’s hideout. It appears that I am the one who has the upper hand now. I’m coming to Hawkhaven in order to fry some Justice Duck and some stone, to save Mason the trouble of doing it. Got it? Have a nice day, until I arrive.” A beep was heard.

“That was Ludwig,” said Wilykit.

“Yes,” said GizmoDuck. “I believe that he doesn’t know that you’re there.”

“He’s certainly going to attempt grabbing the others at the Tower,” said Wilykat. “We should—”

“We should not go anywhere,” Wilykit said. “Why do you think Lion‑O sent us here? To keep us out of Ludwig’s claws.”

“I know, ’Kit, but we also have a responsibility to tell them.”

“Well . . . all right.”

“Be careful, Thunder Kittens,” said GizmoDuck. Static appeared in the transmission. “Egad! What’s happening? It would seem that . . . transmission . . . being . . . cut from . . . outside source.”

“GizmoDuck, increase your signal.”

“. . . trying. I . . .-an’t do much. The frequency . . . up much high-. . .” The screen turned blank.

“Uh, oh,” said Wilykit. “There’s trouble up there.”

“That’s probably an understatement,” said Wilykat. As suddenly as the screen had blanked, it came back on, with Ludwig’s evil face at the center.

“Ludwig!” cried Wilykit.

“That is I, Thunder Kittens,” said Ludwig. He laughed wickedly.

“You won’t be laughing so loud when the Justice Ducks pulverize you,” Wilykat said, “you rotten, low-down, stinking—”

“My sincerest thanks, Wilykat. You’ll swell my head. I’d just like you kids to know that I, the devious, despicable Prince Ludwig ‘Kooky’ von(Bowser)Koopa—the ‘Bowser’-part in parentheses, mind you—have recently scored a point by having Mega Volt electrically collar the Silver Hawks, your fellow Thunder Cats, and Kevin, who vainly attempted to discover the Luna‑tacks, Mutants, and Mumm‑ra before we. We took into custody those N‑Team members who attempted to free Darkwing from Negaduck’s lair. In addition, we secured an unconditional alliance with the two aforementioned evil groups and the specified mummy, and we intend soon to vanquish your pals at Hawkhaven and at the Tower of Omens.”

“And what of us?” asked Wilykit. “What do you intend to do with us?”

“According to my new allies, you are ‘squirts,’ to use their term,” said Ludwig. “I doubt you’re much of a threat.”

“And all this time I thought you were above petty insults,” said Wilykit. “And I halfway respected you. About your pal, the Liquidator. Cheetara said he was a blatherskite.”

“Maybe,” said Ludwig, “but I advise that you not tangle with him—or with me, for that matter. So, stay put. You can do nothing to stop me. Tah tah!” The screen again went blank.

Wilykit clenched her fists. “The nerve,” said Wilykit. “He absolutely revolts me.”

“Me, too,” said Wilykat. “But as long as he thinks we’re harmless, I think he’ll leave us alone.”

“Come on,” said Wilykit. “Let’s secure the Lair. Then, we’ll eat and rest. We’re going to the Tower after all that, and I want us to be well-rested and well-nourished so we can fly through all that rain again.”

“All right. Good game plan, ’Kit.” They did as Wilykit had suggested.

* * *

Command Center, Hawkhaven, Limbo.

At Hawkhaven, Lieutenant Tragg, the rest of the Mason-Team, GizmoDuck, and the rest of the Justice Ducks were surveying the territory when Perry Mason; Paul Drake, Sr.; Paul Drake, Jr.; Ken Malanski; and Neptunia warped into the room.

“Well, Perry, they know we’re here,” Tragg said.

“Drat,” said Perry.

“Double-drat,” cried Paul, Sr.

“And, of course, triple-drat,” Tragg agreed.

“Who is he sending?” Perry said.

“Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa is making a personal appearance, along with the Fearsome Four: Liquidator, Mega Volt, Bushroot, and Quacker Jack.”

“We are in quite a spot,” said Paul, Sr. “Those five are nearly unbeatable when their evil powers are combined.”

A warp zone opened in the ceiling. Mega Volt fell on the floor. Liquidator fell on him, short-circuiting him!

Mega Volt shrieked. “Idiot! Fool!”

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault,” said Liquidator. “I’m not the one who opened the warp in the ceiling.”

“I’m not talking about you, Liquidator,” said Mega Volt. “I’m talking about that blasted Eggplant Wizard. He’s the one who opened the warp zone in the ceiling. When I return to Metroid, I’m going to fry him to a crackly crunch.”

Quacker Jack and Bushroot next fell out of the warp. Mega Volt and Liquidator caught them. When Ludwig fell out of the warp, he landed on his feet and faced the heroes.

“All right, guys,” said Ludwig. “Come along quietly.”

Quacker Jack got out Mr. Banana-Brain, his doll. “Try any tricks, and Mr. Banana-Brain will make you go boom. Ha, ha, ha!”

“Try any tricks, and I’ll entangle you with my weeds,” Bushroot said.

“Try any tricks, and I’ll shock you,” said Mega Volt.

“Try any tricks, and I’ll liquidate you,” Liquidator said.

“Should you try any tricks, I’ll summon half a dozen newly hatched Metroids in here for their first dinner,” said Ludwig.

“Like I said, Perry, we are in quite a spot!” said Paul.

“You’re right, Paul,” Perry said.

The Justice Ducks assembled. “We’ll not allow you vile villains to capture us without a fight,” GizmoDuck announced heroically. “Are you guys in?”

“Yeah,” said Neptunia.

“Yep,” said Stegmutt.

“Yes,” replied Morganna.

“Very well,” said GizmoDuck. “Foul villains, prepare to feel our wrath.”

“Well, well,” said Liquidator, with a wicked smile from ear to ear. “If that’s the way you feel about it, GizmoDuck. Fearsome Four, assemble.” Quacker Jack, Bushroot, and Mega Volt leapt up behind him.

Liquidator and GizmoDuck were in each other’s face. Both teams stepped back several paces. Within moments, GizmoDuck and Liquidator simultaneously leapt up and cried: “Attack!” At this instant, both teams rushed toward each other and began fighting.

Quacker Jack chased Stegmutt with snap-teeth. Mega Volt fired volts at his chaser, GizmoDuck, without hitting him. Neptunia went after Bushroot. Before she could grab him, Liquidator grabbed her. She leapt out of Liquidator’s hand and into his body. Just before she spun Liquidator out as usual, though, Mega Volt blasted Liquidator with some wattage, shocking Neptunia by utilizing Liquidator’s conductivity.

“Eat amperage, fish,” Mega Volt said with insane laughter.

GizmoDuck leapt up behind Mega Volt. “Lights out, Mega—” Before GizmoDuck could finish, Quacker Jack leapt from behind the central computer complex and snapped a set of snap-teeth on GizmoDuck’s exterior. “Yow!”

Quacker Jack laughed. “You’ve said a mouthful.”

Liquidator enveloped GizmoDuck’s body. Mega Volt aimed his electricity gun at Liquidator. “This time, it’s bye-bye, Gizzy.” He blasted Liquidator and the lethal voltage shocked GizmoDuck out of commission. Mega Volt and Liquidator gave each other a high-five. “Good going, Liquidator.”

“Smart move, Mega Volt,” said Liquidator.

Quacker Jack leapt over to Stegmutt. “Not so fast, Stegmutt. Take this.” He handed a toy soldier to Stegmutt.

“Oh boy!” said Stegmutt with childish glee. “A toy.”

“Do you like it?” asked Quacker Jack. “It’s my newest line.”

Stegmutt examined the soldier. Abruptly, it shot him with sleep powder.

“Destructo-toys!”

“Hey! That’s not nice.” With a deep yawn, Stegmutt rubbed his eyes and fell asleep.

Quacker Jack leapt up and down and all around laughing. “It’s play-time!”

Bushroot was chasing Morganna with huge, snapping Venus flytraps. Morganna halted and whirled on them. “That is enough.” She shot the Venus flytraps with her magic. They shrank and became daisies. “Now, they’re just harmless daisies.”

“Harmless?” Bushroot said with laughter. “I’ll show you harmless.” He held his hands up. The daisies tied up Morganna, making her helpless.

The witch fell forward with a grunt. “What’s the big idea?” she asked.

“The big idea is that my friends have vanquished you,” Ludwig said.

“You still have to catch us,” Lieutenant Tragg said.

“Oh, yeah?” said Mega Volt. He blasted a part of the security system with positronic energy. “Well, you won’t be going anywhere. The only warp that is useable now is the one we’ve created, and that goes to SR388. You also won’t be able to exit with the Silver Hawks’ vehicles parked in the basement; the space doors are now shut.”

Negaduck leapt in with sinister laughter. “ ’Tis almost the Christmas season. We have a nice little present for you, kids.”

“Yes,” said Liquidator. “A one-way trip to oblivion!”

“Come on,” said Quacker Jack. “Let’s get these do‑gooding imbeciles back to the hideout so that Sparky, here, can cook their goose.”

“Ooh!” Mega Volt cried. “Don’t ever call me ‘Sparky’! I hate it when people call me ‘Sparky’! That is very, very, very annoying!”

“Don’t get your electrons in a ruffle, Mega Volt,” said Liquidator. “Let’s get these dimwit buffoons to Metroid.”

“All right,” said Mega Volt.

* * *

Prison Hall, Western Norfair, Metroid.

Metroid, also known as SR388: the vile, gray, brain-shaped planet linked with the brainwave patterns of MotherBrain, King Bowser Koopa, and Bowser’s offspring. Every other second, this pilotable planet spewed off poisonous steam to points thousands of kilometers away. This world being both mechanical and natural, it had been formed by MotherBrain’s original brain when she had been given an altered type of vaccine. This, combined with a wild yet formerly suppressed genetic mutation in her DNA, caused her to mutate into her present form from a human baby.

A long time later, when Bowser was a baby, his brain died. The first successful brain transplant then took place, as MotherBrain—somewhat conveniently—had a section of brain which made it too large for her bottle, and King Bowser Koopa received that section. Instead of becoming a good reptile, he became instead a reptile who was so low that he would have to look up to see a fly on the floor. Since he received a portion of MotherBrain’s brain, he was linked to Metroid along with MotherBrain, and he passed this trait on to his seven Koopalings.

Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa was the villainous leader of the Brain-Team, ever since his evil father and the wicked MotherBrain had married some six months ago. Now, in the control room of the multi-caverned world of Metroid, which was cloaked, Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa had every single captured member of the N‑Team clasped to the wall of the prison hall in Tourian except for Captain N, who remained secured in a deep-freeze device, keeping him at an extremely cold temperature of ‑273°C, the temperature at which all molecular and atomic motion stopped.

With supreme self-confidence, Ludwig passed before the N‑Team. “Now, you N‑Team members shall be destroyed right before F.O.W.L. High-Command’s eyes.” Aiming his remote, he switched on a video screen. All three evil members of the High-Command of the Fiendish Organization for World Larceny appeared.

“Ah,” said the Vulture-Leader of F.O.W.L. High-Command. “You have them.”

“Yes, all of them,” said Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa. “They shall meet their timely demise by a simple signal that I shall make, signaling the villainous Mega Volt to shock them as the dastardly Liquidator has them coated in his water. No simple stun on this occasion; Mega Volt will ramp up his wattage and shoot to kill. After that, Bushroot and Quacker Jack shall use their wicked plants and toys of devastation to torture the helpless N‑Team. Then, after a few moments, the fiendish Moliarity will use his latest invention of wicked destruction to place the N‑Team in critical condition. After that, I shall finish them off, destroying them, shredding them like a sheet of ordinary recycled paper.” To emphasize this, he took a sheet of recycled paper and shredded it to bits in his claws.

The wicked Duck-Leader laughed. “And what will you do about Captain N?”

“Once we finish with his friends, I shall turn the temperature in this chamber all the way up to 100°C, the boiling point for water, and beyond. As he heats up, the air inside him will melt into liquid, and then boil into gas. After minutes of excruciating pain from the expansion and contraction of the air and liquids inside his body, he will cease to live. Therefore, I bid you merry Christmas, N‑Team. This exquisite death shall be my gift to you.”

“You villain,” Steelheart said. “We’ll burst out of here before you destroy us, and then you will be sorry you messed with us like this.”

Ludwig pointed up his right hand and put his thumb and middle finger together, so as to snap his fingers. “You know, it has been rather fun meeting you guys, but all relationships sadly come to an end at some time. In our case, it must be sooner rather than later. Have a good day, N‑Team.” He snapped his fingers once. Nothing happening, he snapped them several more times. “Hm. That seems not the right signal.” He got out a flute. “It must be this one.” He played a beautiful trill upon it. Still, nothing happened. “Oh, my. Well, that leaves this one.” He pointed to a huge bell, activated by a foot button. “Farewell, super heroes. As I said, merry Christmas, N‑Team. And a happy New Year, in heaven!” He laughed. Just as he was about to stomp on the signal button, he heard Eggplant Wizard, King Hippo, Clawgrip, Mouser, Try‑Clyde, and Koopa-Troopa start a fight just outside the room. With a sound of displeasure, he lowered his foot to the floor. “How importune. Deal with them, Steelbeak.”

“Right‑e‑o, Ludwig,” said Steelbeak. He opened the door and stormed out of the room.

Eggplant Wizard, King Hippo, Clawgrip, Mouser, Try‑Clyde, and Koopa-Troopa froze in mid‑air and gasped. “Steelbeak!”

“We’re trying to have a little fun,” said Steelbeak. “Is there a gosh darned problem here?”

Eggplant Wizard pointed at King Hippo. “This fat slob started it all, Steelbeak.”

“That’s a darned lie,” said King Hippo. “Clawgrip started it.”

“He’s lying,” said Clawgrip. “It was this blasted rodent, Mouser.”

“No way,” Mouser said. “It was all Try‑Clyde’s fault.”

“It was not,” said Try‑Clyde. “Koopa-Troopa started it.”

“You fiery-breathed liar,” Koopa-Troopa said. “It was this stupid vegetable’s fault!”

Negaduck jumped out with an activated chainsaw. “If I hear one more complaint out of you idiots, I’m going to slice all of you in two!” The arguers promptly shut up. With a grunt, he turned off the chainsaw. “See, Steelbeak? It’s just a simple matter of finding what gets to them. Now, let’s get in there and see Ludwig and the others kick some N‑Team posterior.” Once he got to the door, he turned around to the six. “If you cause any more trouble, you’ll join in the N‑Team’s fate.” He slammed shut the door. “Now, the distraction is taken care of.” The mad Professor Norton Nimnul warped into the room.

“Well, it’s about time you got here,” Ludwig said.

“I would have been here sooner,” said Nimnul, “but I found a few cute kittens playing beside the road and—”

“And you had to blast them into moonbeams.”

“Right! You know how I feel about cute things.”

“Okay, you’re excused. I understand perfectly. Now, let’s take care of these do‑gooders.” He promptly proceeded to lift his right foot directly over the switch that would trigger the huge bell. “Better start singing ‘Jingle Bells,’ guys.” Just before he slammed down hard on the trigger, someone knocked on the door. “Blast! What is it this time?”

Eggplant Wizard opened the door and came in. “It is the ignorant Eggplant Wizard, Your Extremely Evil Koopaness.”

“I hope this is important.”

“It is. Don Karnage is here to see you.”

“Why didn’t you say so? Let him in.”

“Okay! One air‑pirate coming up.” He walked out. A moment later, Don Karnage entered illustriously. His stooges Mad Dog and Dump Truck followed, carrying his golden cutlass on an exquisite pillow. Don Karnage was a toon-fox about as tall as Mega Volt, as was Mad Dog. Dump Truck, though, was a toon-dog a little taller and a bit bulkier than either of them. They wore blue pirate clothing. Karnage’s was by far the best looking.

“Ah, Captain Don Karnage,” said Ludwig. “You nearly missed the fun. I am so glad that you could make it for such an occasion.”

“Ah, yes,” said Don Karnage in an obvious French accent. “It looks like your enemies ran into a little trouble, no?”

“They certainly did,” said Ludwig. “They were no match for my wicked friends and me.”

“I wish to watch you and your pals destroy these good-type guys, Ludwig,” said Karnage.

“My pleasure, Captain.”

“Captain?” said Mad Dog.

“What is it, you low-life scum?” asked Karnage.

“Can we watch with you?”

“Doh!” Karnage slapped his own face. “Why do you think I brought you two along?”

“I take that as a ‘yes,’ ” said Mad Dog.

Ludwig placed his foot over the trigger. “Bye, bye, kids.” He laughed. But just as he was about to slam his foot down, he realized something. He put his foot on the floor and turned pensive.

Mega Volt came to him. “Hey! We were waiting for the gong, Your Highness.”

“I’m thinking,” Ludwig said. He pressed a button on a remote control and leapt about three-fourths of a meter into the air. His chair came under him so that he landed in the chair in a sitting position. He went into deep meditation for a minute before speaking at last. “Somehow, we must fix it so that I kill Link in some other way.”

“Why?” asked Liquidator.

“Because he has some control over the Triforce. If someone destroys him and gets the Triforce, that someone will be able to make any kind of wish from deep in their heart.” Suddenly a wicked smile came across his lips. “I’m getting a wicked idea. Heh, heh! Negaduck, please get Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo in here. I think I may have one job that they won’t mess up.”

“Okay,” said Negaduck, gliding over to the door. He opened it violently.

The six idiots gasped. “Negaduck!”

“Uh, what did we do, Negaduck?” Eggplant Wizard asked.

Negaduck grabbed Eggplant Wizard by the arms. “Ludwig wants you and your fat pal, so get in there.” He tossed Eggplant Wizard into the room. The wizard crashed into the wall. “Need me to toss you in the same way, fatso?”

“Uh, no!” King Hippo ran into the room.

“The rest of you idiots just stay out here quietly, or heads, arms, legs, and some other things will roll.” Negaduck reentered the room and slammed the door.

“What does Your Lowness need that we do?” asked King Hippo, peeling Eggplant Wizard off the wall.

“I want you two to go out and find me the largest cross you ever saw for Link,” Ludwig said.

“What kind of cross?” asked Eggplant Wizard.

“If you know who brought about Christianity, you will get my drift.”

“Oh,” said King Hippo, getting an evil grin. “I get it, boss. Hee, hee! Despicable.”

“I still do not get it,” said Eggplant Wizard.

“Think,” said Ludwig, especially stressing the word.

After thinking, Eggplant Wizard got a wicked smile. “I get it. Hee, hee! Let’s hit the stores and rob a cross, King Hippo.” Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo left.

“If you do not mind, Mega Volt and Liquidator, kindly remove Link from the wall and lock him in this. Everybody, watch him carefully.” Ludwig handed a metal straightjacket to Quacker Jack as Mega Volt and Liquidator cautiously removed Link from the wall. Bushroot and Quacker Jack forced the straightjacket on Link.

“What are you going to do to me?” Link asked. Ludwig moved his chair to the computer terminal and opened an all‑text program. Data began to appear in strange characters. “And why can’t I read that?”

“You will see what I’m going to do with you after I have read this,” said Ludwig. “And you can’t read it because it’s not written with the Roman alphabet. It’s Hellenistic Greek.” He used the keyboard to scroll down his extremely lengthy document.

Steelheart began a telepathic transmission to Steelwill. Will, we have to break out of here. We can’t let Ludwig crucify Link. That’s a terrible, terrible death.

That goes without saying, Steelwill said.

Listen. I have an idea, but it will take some teamwork. Something tells me that, if we fail, we’ll blow it.

I’m listening. Continue.

It appears to me that, in our present state, only one thing can be done. Let’s start arguing.

Why?

I think Ludwig detests arguments. If we argue loud enough, he might have one of us taken off the wall, and that one will free the other and the rest of the team.

It appears we have no alternative. Let’s shoot.

“All right,” said Ludwig. “Do you know what is considered the cruelest form of execution in the galaxy?”

“I do, but I’m not giving you any ideas by saying it,” Link said.

“If you guessed crucifixion, you’re correct. Now—”

“Will, this is your bloody fault,” Steelheart cried.

“Me?” said Steelwill. “You are the one who let Mega Volt catch us and shock us to death.”

“Like the devil. It was your fault!”

“Like heck. It was all your fault!”

“Is there a problem here, Steeltwins?” asked Ludwig, attempting to control his anger. He really hated arguments like this.

“You’re darn right there’s a problem here,” said Steelheart. “I don’t want to lay eyes on this idiotic brother of mine again. I don’t care if you burn me at the stake. Just get me away from this imbecile.”

“Very well,” said Ludwig. “Burned at the stake it is. Quacker, let her off and secure her as quickly and safely as possible.”

“So said, so done.” Laughing, Quacker Jack went over to Steelheart. “Burned at the stake, huh? You’ve really done it this time, lady.”

“Just get me away from this fool,” Steelheart said.

Overdoing it just a tad, aren’t we? Steelwill asked her telepathically.

Trust me, replied Steelheart. I have ’em going. Quacker Jack untied her and grabbed her. At this instant, she grabbed him, tossed him on the ground, and tackled him. “Surprise, Quacker Jerk.”

Quacker Jack squealed. “Steelheart’s a fraud! Steelheart’s a fraud!”

“You’ve tricked us,” said Mega Volt, sparking. “Now suck volts, do‑gooding B‑wordy woman.”

“Betcha can’t catch me, Sparky,” said Steelheart.

“Don’t call me ‘Sparky’!” He let loose some wattage at her, which she dodged to clear the way to the switch that controlled the manacles on the wall. Mega Volt’s electricity fried the switch and released all members of the extended N‑Team, except for Link and Captain N. “Oh, no!” Mega Volt cried.

Lion‑O recovered the Sword of Omens. With a slash, he cut the straightjacket off Link.

“So!” Liquidator said. “If the geek squad isn’t loose. I’ll fix you guys.” He got out a watery pocketknife. “It slices. It dices. It cuts you all up into little pieces.” He put the pocketknife on the floor. Suddenly, a multitude of particularly nasty-looking knives sprang out, and it began going after Steelheart. Liquidator plucked a loose strand of hair off Ludwig’s head and put it to one of the knives. The hair was sliced perfectly down the middle.

“Uh, oh,” said Steelheart. “I think we’re in trouble.” She fired on the advancing pocketknife with her laser, but the laser harmlessly passed through. “Whoops! I know we’re in trouble.”

Darkwing grabbed a pair of scissors off a table and went behind Liquidator. “I am the terror that flaps in the night.” He whacked Liquidator on the head with the end of the scissor-blades. Liquidator and his pocketknife with all its liquid knives splashed into puddles on the floor. “I am the paper cut that ruins your day. I am Darkwing Duck.” Negaduck ran into Darkwing, knocking him over. “Whoa!”

Negaduck jumped continuously on Darkwing’s back. “Ha, ha! Eat floor-dirt, do‑gooder.”

“Desperate times—ouch!—call for—ouch!—desperate measures. Ow!” Darkwing leapt up, springing Negaduck into a wall. “Ha! Good guys laugh last, you foul evildoer.”

Bushroot jumped Darkwing. But then he recalled too late that he was weaker than a daisy in a fight. “Hey! I’m not supposed to be—”

Darkwing grabbed him by the neck. “All right, Bushroot, it’s the wall for you.” Darkwing dropped Bushroot and kicked him into Negaduck, squashing them both on the wall. “Oh, Sparky!”

“Don’t call me that,” cried Mega Volt. He sent a beam of electricity at Darkwing. Darkwing reflected the electricity back to Mega Volt with his cape. The beam flew back to Mega Volt, whom it fried. “Yaaah!”

“Ha!” said Darkwing. “That will teach you not to toy with Darkwing Duck.” Quacker Jack slammed him into the wall by spinning into him in cartwheels. “Oof!”

“Eat wall, Darkmeat Duck,” said Quacker Jack. “It’s play time!”

Darkwing aimed his Gas Gun at Quacker Jack. “Suck tear gas, evildoer.” Darkwing pulled the trigger. A tear gas cartridge flew out and exploded on contact with Quacker, coating him with tear gas.

The maniacal villain sobbed. “That’s not—sniff—fair.” He bawled like a baby.

“Ha! Once again, the N‑Team defeats the despicable denizens of darkness.” A missile flew over their heads. Darkwing gasped. “Moliarity!”

Moliarity held a missile launcher. All the Brain-Team members except Ludwig were behind him. “Oh, our plans; ruined! Thwarted—by a pack of rejects from comic books. Dodge this, No-bad-Team.” He launched a volley of missiles that all members of the extended N‑Team dodged magnificently. Ludwig rushed over to the deep-freeze chamber in which Captain N was still trapped.

“All right, N‑Team,” said Ludwig. “Halt immediately, or I’m going to turn up the heat and give the temperature I planned full-blast, destroying your precious Captain N.”

“You villain!” cried Chief Samus Aran.

“I’ll make a deal,” said Lana. “If you release Captain N, I’ll volunteer to take whatever you were going to do to him.”

“Deep-freeze, then boil?” asked Ludwig. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” said Lana. “You would then be officially proclaimed as the ruler of all parts of VideoLand, including Hyrule and the Mushroom World.”

“Don’t do it, Princess,” said Kid Icarus. “Once he gets on the VideoLand throne, he’ll oppress everyone in the land.”

“I may be willing to strike a bargain with you, Princess Lana,” Ludwig said: “Kevin’s release for your life and the throne of VideoLand.”

“It will be agreed in the Palace,” said Lana.

“Huh?” asked Kid Icarus.

“I can’t believe that our own princess would do this,” said Simon Belmont. “With the powers of the items in our land, why, Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa could turn the galaxy into the Empire of—” MegaMan kicked Simon in the leg. Simon shouted.

“Stop, Simon,” said MegaMan. “You probably just gave that wicked maniac an idea.”

“Not at all, not at all,” said Ludwig, contemplating this situation. “Lana and I could sign a pact preventing me from bringing down harshness on the land and using the powers of the land to conquer any other parts of the universe. The pact will also include the exchange of Kevin for Lana’s life and control of the Throne of VideoLand.” Of course, once he got the throne, he could actually annul the pact . . .

“Okay, you win,” Lana said.

“But, Your Highness,” complained Simon, “the monarchy of VideoLand is ab—” Mario shut Simon’s mouth before he could finish.

“Stop giving him ideas,” said Mario.

“Agreed, Your Highness,” said Ludwig, ignoring Simon and Mario. “After the document is drawn up and signed, turn yourself and the kingdom over to me after I give you Kevin, and it will be official.”

“The Palace at dawn?” said Lana.

“The Palace at dawn.”