27--The April Fooled Fish

April 1.

Darkwing Tower.

n his home, Darkwing Tower, on the Audubon Bay Bridge that linked the city of Saint Canard with the mainland, Darkwing Duck scanned his records. Darkwing was a toon-duck. He had snowy white feathers, orange legs and feet, and an orange duck’s beak. He wore a purple suit with a wide-brimmed purple hat and a purple mask.

In scanning his records, Darkwing found that one of his archenemies from the former Fearsome Five organization, Liquidator, had broken out of prison and was messing up the water everywhere. “So, Liquidator has broken out of prison and is terrorizing the city with his water, eh? Well, I’ll put him back where he belongs: the cooler.”

“Gee, DW, how are you going to catch up with ol’ Waterhead?” Launchpad asked. He wore a brown flight suit with goggles and a scarf. He, too, had white feathers, and he also had a scooped bill much like a pelican. He was a full head taller than Darkwing. This was a tall height for toon-ducks. All toon-ducks had large eyes, and Darkwing and Launchpad were no exception. Whereas ducks from our world had wings, toon-ducks had arms and hands.

“Simple: I’ll have him come to me.”

“How will you do that?”

“I’ll mess up his water-bottling business.”

“Er, don’t you think that he’ll object to that?”

Darkwing looked away and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. Don’t worry; I’ll get him this time. Nothing will go wrong.”

“Okay, DW. I’ll stay here and keep an eye on the equipment.”

“Right. If Mega Volt or Bushroot breaks out of prison, you call me immediately. Also report if there is any news about Quacker Jack. Got the instructions?”

“Yup, DW.”

“Later!” Darkwing leapt upon his purple motorcycle, the Rat-Catcher, started it, and zoomed out through a trap door. This dropped him safely onto the bridge pavement below. He zoomed into the city and toward the Liquidator’s bottling plant.

* * *

Liquidator’s Water-Bottling Plant.

Presently in the bottling plant was the Master of all Fluids himself, the Liquidator. A toon-dog mutated by chemicals, Liquidator was now made of water. He normally retained his original form, that of a toon-dog about Launchpad’s height. Like most toon-dogs, he stood on two legs, and what were the front legs on ordinary dogs were arms.

But thanks to an accident that he had brought about himself, Liquidator could now take the shape of just about anything.

“Yes, my latest scheme for city-wide domination is about to reach its wicked climax! First, I mess up the city’s water by messing up the main intake. Then, I sell my bottled water for an outrageously high price. And, just when the city is getting enough water to drink, I threaten to quit making it unless the city makes me its emperor! Oh, what a scheme. Oh, what a scheme!” He laughed wickedly. “Of course, I’ll need the help of two of my pals from our organization, the Fearsome Five, who are still in jail. Too bad that we lost Negaduck and that Quacker Jack left us.”

His eyes widened. “Wait. Brainstorm here. Oh, am I clever! I’ll find Neptunia, my old adversary from Darkwing Duck’s former Justice Ducks league, and fill her puny fish-mind with the knowledge of all the pollution that’s going on. And she’ll help me. She’ll think that she’s helping me to remove the pollution, and she’ll actually be helping me to pollute the water with agents that affect people, but not fish! The Liquidator-brand reigns supremely over all other products.” He laughed.

Meanwhile, Darkwing Duck’s trademark smoke appeared in one corner of the room. “I am the terror that flaps in the night,” Darkwing’s voice said.

“Well, well. It’s that conceited duck.”

Darkwing’s smoke dissipated, revealing the duck himself. “I am the ‘inferior product’ that outsells yours ten billion times. I am Darkwing Duck!”

“Well, howdy, Darkwing Duck. You may have stopped my original scheme to conquer the city and dominate the water market. You may have stopped all of the members of the Fearsome Five, even when we were united. You may have left Negaduck to be sucked into the Universal Drain. But you will not stop me this time. Speaking of time, this is all I have for you now, so I’m just going to wave good‑bye. Farewell, my friend!” Lifting his arms, Liquidator conjured a great wave out of a small puddle of water standing on the floor. The wave washed Darkwing out the door and down to the street. “Now, it’s time to go to prison and wave hello to my two friends, Sparky and Melon-head.” He departed.

* * *

On the street below, Darkwing picked himself up with some difficulty. “Ohh. Blast ol’ Waterhead!”

Liquidator materialized next to him. “You know, Darkwing, nine out of ten dentists would recommend that you never call me that again!” He turned his right fist into a huge mallet and whacked Darkwing in the head, knocking him out. Then, he left for the prison.

* * *

Prison for Super-Villains.

Out at the prison, situated on an island in the Audubon Bay, Mega Volt and Bushroot were in a cell together, moping about. Bushroot was about the height of Liquidator, and Mega Volt was a little shorter. Mega Volt was a strange toon-dog with buckteeth. He wore a yellow outfit, blue goggles, a red hard hat with a large version of an American-style electric plug on top of the hat, a red battery on his back, and a large version of an American-style electrical outlet on his chest. The outlet was connected to the battery.

Bushroot had been a toon-duck, but he had performed an experiment that turned him into a mutant plant-duck. He was in the basic shape of a duck, but he was green, except for his brown legs and feet, the purple growth on top of his head, and his yellow beak.

Always short-tempered, Mega Volt grumbled to the only person who could listen, to Bushroot’s displeasure. “I’m telling you, Bushroot, if Liquie doesn’t burst us out of here soon, I’m going to go stark crazy.”

“I think you already are stark crazy, Sparky.”

“Ooh, don’t call me Sparky! I hate when people call me Sparky. It is very, very annoying.” He then blasted a lightning bolt at Bushroot, who barely avoided it.

“You are so antisocial, you living power plant.”

“Well, Melon-head, maybe if people didn’t misunderstand me so, I would not have such a short fuse.”

“And I hate it when people call me Melon-head! It’s so, so unkind.” Bushroot sprouted a daisy from one of his hands, and this daisy sprayed Mega Volt with a fine mist of water.

Mega Volt shorted out with a shriek. “What’s this about being antisocial, my dear Bushroot?”

“Okay, so I need a longer fuse, too. I think being in here is getting on both our nerves.” Suddenly the floor began to shake. “Whoa! I didn’t order a milkshake.”

“That’s not a milkshake, Bushroot. That’s a floorquake.” A hole opened in the floor, prompting a scream from Mega Volt. “It’s not the fall season, either!” Yelling, Mega Volt and Bushroot fell through a brand new tunnel. Soon, they emerged outside the prison. At the end of the fall, they found Liquidator waiting for them. “Well, howdy, Waterhead.”

Liquidator helped Mega Volt and Bushroot up. “I just gave Darkwing Dumb-head a throbbing headache for calling me Waterhead. This is my first and last warning: nine out of ten dentists—and nine out of ten electrical technicians—would recommend that one not call me Waterhead. I’m going to call no one Sparky or Melon-head.”

“I should hope not,” said Mega Volt. “Bushroot made the mistake of calling me Sparky, and then I made the mistake of calling him Melon-head. I got the particularly worse response, since he managed to dodge mine.”

“Well, now that we understand each other’s terms, let’s get back to land and put my plan into operation as the Fearsome Three.”

“Yeah! Fearsome Three: the organization of Liquidator, Bushroot, and Mega Volt, since we said farewell to Quacker and Negaduck. Uh, hang on a sec. Your plan?”

“Why not, Spa—I mean Mega Volt?” Bushroot asked. “He did rescue us.”

“Well, maybe. What’s the scale of the plan, Liquidator?”

“My minimum goal is city-wide domination,” said Liquidator. “However, I’m aiming for global results.”

Mega Volt scratched his head. “Well, you’ve outdone me. Let’s go.” Liquidator took Mega Volt and Bushroot back to land.

* * *

Darkwing Tower.

At Darkwing Tower, Darkwing stumbled into the room. One look at Launchpad’s worried expression was enough to bring the headache back full force.

“DW, Mega Volt and Bushroot have been broken out of prison by Liquidator,” Launchpad said.

“Oh, perfect,” Darkwing said. “Well, I say it’s time to fix them before they fix the city. Launchpad, let’s get dangerous.” They entered the ThunderQuack, their purple, duck-head-shaped jet. Launchpad flew them to Liquidator’s bottling factory.

* * *

Liquidator’s Water-Bottling Plant.

Once he and his villainous companions arrived in his office, Liquidator began to relate his villainous plot to them. “Soon, I’ll control all of the water in Saint Canard. Then, I’ll get Neptunia to join forces with us, misleading her into thinking that she will be helping her sea-pals. Actually, she’ll be doing that, but she’ll also be helping to make the water unusable by any person all over the world. I’ll sell my bottled water, the only water that anyone can drink, for the price of one million dollars a bottle. If no one can afford it, Neptunia will help me to do something that will flood the city. Of course, she won’t know that it will flood the city, but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt us. It will then be too late for her to do anything against us.” He laughed.

“What about Bushroot and me?” asked Mega Volt. “What will we drink?

“What else? Drink Sparkling Crystal-Pure Flood Water. For you two only, at the unbelievably low price of zero dollars and zero cents a bottle.”

Mega Volt and Bushroot’s jaws hung open. “Really?” they both cried.

“Well, it’s either that or full price. Which will it be?”

“I don’t know about Bushroot, but I prefer the former,” Mega Volt said.

“Me, too,” said Bushroot.

Liquidator got two bottles of his water and handed them to Mega Volt and Bushroot. “Drink up, boys. There’s plenty for everyone.”

“Did you send for me, Liquidator?” Neptunia’s voice queried from above. Startled, Mega Volt spat out the water that was in his mouth.

“Yes, I did, Neptunia,” Liquidator said.

Neptunia swung down to the floor from the ceiling by using some kelp as a rope. She was a green toon-fish, somewhat shorter than the others. She, too, had been mutated. She had legs and arms as well as fins. She had a conical sea-shell that she used as a trumpet.

“Why did you want to see me, Liquidator?” she asked in acidic tones. “To lure me into helping you in one of your wicked schemes?”

“No, my dear Neptunia,” Liquidator said. “I have concerns that I must share with you. I just overheard that they have established a new city ordinance, which states that all nuclear solid wastes are to be dumped just outside Audubon Bay.”

Her mouth gaped open. “Is that so?” she cried.

“Yes. I’m willing to throw off my evil shell to give you non‑polluting chemicals that will neutralize the wastes. At the same time, they will help to improve the health of any of your sea creatures that were harmed by pollution.”

“Do I have your assurance that these chemicals will not help to promote aquatic entropy?”

“Most certainly, ma’am.” This was quite true, as well.

“All right, but one step out of line, and Hal, my servant octopus, will squeeze you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand. Bushroot and Mega Volt, keep an eye on the factory, please. Neptunia and I have some business to which to attend.”

“Right, Liquidator,” said Mega Volt.

“Yes, Liquidator,” Bushroot said.

“Later!” Liquidator and Neptunia left for the bay.

“I don’t trust that fish,” Mega Volt said. “She might tell Darkwing Duck on us. She was on his team once.”

Darkwing’s trademark smoke appeared. “Are you talking about me?” Darkwing’s voice asked.

“Yah!” Bushroot cried. “It’s that blasted Darkwing Duck with his daisy-wilting gas.”

“I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the water that short-circuits your electricity. I am Darkwing Duck!” Darkwing and Launchpad appeared out of the smoke. “Your shocking days are through, Mega Volt. So are your weeding days, Bushroot.”

Mega Volt’s plugs began shining. “Do you really think so, Dipwing? If you do, then you’re so wrong.” Mega Volt tossed several shocks at Darkwing, which the latter evaded. “The Liquidator is out now, so, if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll put your name at the bottom of the waiting list that has not yet been created.”

“What kind of waiting list?”

“Oh, Liquidator’s going to make all the world’s water undrinkable, so that his alone will be the only drinkable drink,” Bushroot said. “Then, we’ll have you at our mercy.”

“You are stupid,” screamed Mega Volt. He microwaved Bushroot with his shocking electricity.

“Hey! Why’d you do that, Mega Volt?”

“Don’t you know what the term secret means?”

“I do.”

“Then, why did you tell Darkwing Duck what it is?”

Bushroot gasped. “Oh, my gosh. I don’t know.”

“Well, this is sure going to make Liquidator angry. I’ll deal with Dimwing.” Mega Volt shocked Darkwing and Launchpad and, with his electricity, hurled them out the door. To his satisfaction, he heard them hit every step on the way down. “Well, that’s that.”

* * *

Audubon Bay Bridge.

At the Audubon Bay Bridge, Neptunia and Liquidator were on the western edge, overlooking the bay. In the distance, they saw a scow unloading garbage into the bay. “See, Neptunia? Those are disguised city dump ships dumping nuclear waste into the bay.”

“Well, first thing’s first,” Neptunia said. “I’ll call my octopus, Hal, to toss those polluters where they belong.” Neptunia blew on her seashell trumpet. Hal, her octopus friend, emerged from the sea. Rushing forth, he grabbed the ship and threw it far into the city. “Well, that’s that. Thanks, Hal.” On her seashell, Neptunia blew a thank you and then an order for Hal to return to the ocean depths. Hal disappeared beneath the surface. “Okay, Liquidator. Let’s get out there and get rid of the pollutants.”

“I only hope that Darkwing Duck does not misinterpret our actions as being hostile,” Liquidator said.

“If he does, I’ll teach him another lesson, but I won’t be quite so harsh with him this time. Let’s go.”

* * *

By boat, Neptunia and Liquidator went out to the middle of the bay close to where the ship had been dumping. Neptunia retched as the horrible smell assaulted her senses. “Yuck! It sure stinks worse now than this morning.”

Liquidator put his finger in the water. “No longer for this small section. I am ordering the waters of this small part of the bay to create substances that will counteract the pollutants.”

The water suddenly started to smell a great deal fresher. “Wow! Well, it sure smells better. Better check out the immediate area in the water, though.”

“Knock yourself out.”

Neptunia dove into the water. A few minutes later, she re‑emerged at the boat. “Wow! This stretch of the bay hasn’t been this clean since I was in my egg. The water tastes great, too.”

“So, you like it?”

“Liquidator, you’ve got yourself a deal.” Once she had boarded the ship, the two shook hands.

* * *

Darkwing Tower.

Darkwing collapsed into the chair at his computer. “I cannot believe it. That Liquidator has Mega Volt and Bushroot cooperating with him, without any of Negaduck’s supervision.”

Gosalyn Mallard, Darkwing’s adopted daughter, and Honker Muddlefoot, her friend from next door to where Darkwing lived as Drake Mallard, entered. They were about as tall as Neptunia was, and they were both toon-ducks. Gosalyn was quite a tomboy. She wore a T‑shirt, jeans, and sneakers, and her red hair had two pony-tails on either side of her head. An extremely intelligent young man, Honker had a backpack and glasses. “Oh, hello, Gos and Honk.”

“Hello, Mr. Darkwing,” Honker said.

“Hi, Dad,” Gosalyn said. “How’s it going?”

“Oh, just great,” Darkwing said in a facetious tone. “Liquidator has broken Mega Volt and Bushroot out of prison. Heh, heh. Yep, I’d say everything’s going quite well, if I wanted to be facetious.” He turned his tone serious. “Liquidator’s working on making his water the only drinkable drink again.”

“I wouldn’t drink ol’ Waterhead’s water if my life depended on it,” said Gosalyn.

“Unfortunately, it just may become that desperate,” Launchpad said.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, LP,” Darkwing said. “Ahem. Liquidator literally gave me a headache this morning when I called him Waterhead. I guess he doesn’t like to be called that.”

“Well, aren’t you going to stop that fiendish blob of water?” Gosalyn asked.

“Yes, but I can’t right now. We’ve got another situation. He’s reeled in Neptunia hook, line, and sinker into his evil scheme. I don’t want to get on Barracuda-Breath’s bad side again, now that we’ve worked on the same team together. Besides, I left a little radio device in Liquidator’s hideout. It will record every sound that Liquidator, Neptunia, Mega Volt, and Bushroot make.”

* * *

Liquidator’s Water-Bottling Plant.

While Neptunia was gathering Liquidator’s wondrous chemicals in another room, Liquidator was speaking with Mega Volt. “He said what?” Liquidator demanded.

“He told Darkwing Duck about part of your plan,” Mega Volt said. “I fried both of them, plus Darkwing Duck’s sidekick, Launchpad McJerk.”

“Just wait until I get my H₂O molecules on that idiotic piece of kelp. He’ll writhe in sheer agony. He’ll beg for mercy!”

“Mind if I help you by shocking the devil out of him?”

“No, thanks, but keep Neptunia busy. I told her part of the truth about those chemicals. What I did not tell her was—can you keep a secret?”

“Of course, Liquidator.”

Liquidator whispered into Mega Volt’s ear. “I did not tell her that the chemicals would make the bay water poisonous to all land-dwellers.”

Mega Volt got a big smile on his face but, due to great effort, kept from laughing. “What a plan, Liquidator,” he whispered back. “How will you need Bushroot and me to help?”

“It’s necessary for you to be alert. In case Neptunia wises up, we’ll have to dump the chemicals into the city plumbing systems ourselves. As it is, you and I will need to dump the chemicals into the regular water molecules of my competitors. You two are my lookouts right now. You’re to keep any intruders from getting into the factory. Got it?”

“Got it. Want me to keep fish-face occupied?”

“Yes, while I give Bushroot something to consider for the next time he wants to reveal my plan to Darkwing Duck.”

Mega Volt saluted Liquidator. “You’ve got it, Liquie.” As Liquidator went through one door, Mega Volt went through the door to the chemical vats. “Hi, Neptunia. Finding everything you need?”

“Yes, thank you, Sparky,” Neptunia replied.

Mega Volt tried as hard as possible to keep his intense anger in. “Please, Neptunia. I normally fry anyone who calls me that, but since you don’t understand that yet, I’m trying to keep from doing that. One moment.” Mega Volt entered a nearby closet. In the closet Neptunia saw several flashes of electric energy, accompanied by screaming. Mega Volt then came back out, fried to a crisp. “That sure feels better.”

“Mega Volt, what did you do?” she cried.

“Oh, I just fried myself. Don’t worry, I’m used to it. Darkwing Duck reflects my energy back to me all the time.”

“Oh. Well, Mega Volt, tell Liquidator that I really appreciate him for giving me these agents.”

“No problem. We aim to please.”

“See you later, Mega Volt.”

“See you later, Neptunia.” Neptunia left through the door to the outside. “Heh, heh! We’ve really reeled fish-bait in.” He left through the door to Liquidator’s office, where Liquidator was talking to Bushroot.

“But, Liquie, we’ve been pals for a long time,” Bushroot whined.

“And I’m not ready to change that,” said Liquidator. “I just want you to realize that you shouldn’t go around telling Darkwing our schemes. In other words, be careful about what you say. Got me?”

“Yes, sir.”

Liquidator turned to Mega Volt. “What’s the status, Mega Volt?”

“She’s gone,” said Mega Volt.

“How much did she take?”

“About a quarter of the chemicals.”

“Good. That ought to take care of the city’s water. Ha, ha, ha! After that, one quarter more will take care of the country. Then, when it becomes time, she’ll get the remaining half, which will take care of the rest of the entire world. Every person, except for three select people, will have to buy their water from me.”

“You wouldn’t need water, so that would mean Bushroot, me, and whom else?”

“Our ol’ pal, Quacker Jack. In fact, bring me a bottle of my water, Mega Volt.” Mega Volt left. In a moment, he returned with a bottle of Liquidator’s water. “Thanks. Bushroot, do you know how to type?”

“No,” Bushroot said. “I hate technology. It ruins the environment.”

“Maybe, but this technology will not.” said Liquidator. He formed his left hand into a typewriter. He took a sheet of paper and put it into the typewriter. “This paper is manufactured from a plant, but the method of manufacture doesn’t kill the plant, nor does it harm the environment.” He used the typewriter to type the following message:

Dear Quacker Jack,

This is Liquidator. I am working on a scheme that will help me to conquer the entire world, not to mention destroy Darkwing Duck. Please come by my factory today to speak with me, as I am prepared to make you one of the very few people who will be immune to and will be able to help me in this conquest. See you later.

Yours truly,

Liquidator

Liquidator said, “Well, that should do it. Mega Volt, would you pop over to the Quacker Jack Toy Company and deliver this to Quacker Jack?”

“My pleasure, Liquidator.” Mega Volt left.

* * *

Audubon Bay.

Out in the bay, Neptunia blew on her trumpet. Her octopus friend, Hal, came immediately. She handed him the bag containing the chemicals that Liquidator let her have. “Hal, go all about the bay and let these chemicals out as evenly as possible. Also, try to save a little. Got it?” Hal nodded, took the bag, and dove. “Nothing to do now but wait.”

* * *

Quacker Jack Toy Company.

At the Quacker Jack Toy Company, Mega Volt arrived in his nutty-looking electric car at the service door. He buzzed. In a few minutes, his toy-making pal, Quacker Jack, arrived. He was about as tall as Mega Volt. This toon-duck wore a clown suit with baggy pants and frills at the collar and sleeve-ends. He also wore a headpiece with a long tube on either side of his head. Each tube had a bell on the end. The piece to the right was red, while the other was blue. “Good to see you, Mega Volt. How are you doing?”

“Okay, Chuckles,” Mega Volt said. “I came—”

“Ooh, I hate it when people call me Chuckles. I just hate it!” Quacker Jack whistled. Two sets of his lethal snap-teeth came. “It’s play-time! Sic ’im, boys.” The two snap-teeth attacked Mega Volt. One bit his nose, and the other bit his rear.

Mega Volt screamed. “I think you overreacted a little bit, Quacker Jack!”

“You’re probably right. Boys, let him go and go back in.” The two pairs of snap-teeth went back into the factory. “Sorry about that. I just fly off the handle as much when someone calls me Chuckles as when someone calls you—oh, no. That word will never pass through my lips again.”

“What word?”

“Sparky. What else?”

“Ooh, I hate it when people call me Sparky!”

“You made me say it, you electromagnetic idiot.”

“That still does not excuse you from calling me Sparky, or from calling me an electromagnetic idiot. Prepare for frying, QJ!” Quacker Jack quickly got a piece of rubber from the ground and tried to protect himself with it. It served half of its purpose. It absorbed half of Mega Volt’s energy, but it allowed the other half to hit and to fry Quacker Jack.

“Yow! What a shocking experience.” His eyes brightened as he regarded the piece of rubber. “Hm, this gives me an idea for a new toy.”

“Oh, enough with the puns, clown. I came to deliver a note from Waterhead.”

“Where is it?”

Mega Volt searched his pockets. “You probably helped me fry it. Ah, here it is.” He got out the note, which looked as good as new. “Here you go.” He handed the note to Quacker Jack, who read it.

“Hmm. He wants to see me. Is there any chance I might be able to ride with you?”

“Yes, unless you want to act stupid again by calling me that detestable word.”

“What word? Spar—”

“Don’t! Say that word again, and you’ll be walking to Liquidator’s bottling factory. And you’ll be an awfully crispy critter.”

“Oh, all right.” Quacker Jack blew a whistle in order to summon his toys. They came hopping out. “Anything else I have to remember?”

Mega Volt opened the rear trunk of his car for Quacker Jack’s toys. They began to jump in of their own accord. “Yeah. Don’t call Bushroot Melon-head, and don’t call Liquidator Waterhead.”

“Got it, MV.” When all the lethal toys that Quacker Jack needed were in the trunk, Mega Volt shut it. He unlocked the passenger’s door for Quacker Jack. They then entered the car.

“Then, let’s go to the Liquidator’s Bottling Plant.” When he had started the car, Mega Volt sped off. He drove like an absolute maniac, which of course he was.

“Hey! Keep your eyes on the road, Sparky.”

“Don’t call me Sparky!”

On the road, they passed Darkwing Duck, who, as it just so happened, was going to pay a visit on Quacker Jack. Launchpad was in the sidecar of the Rat-Catcher. He craned his neck around as Mega Volt’s car sped past. “Hey! DW, that was Mega Volt’s car, and I think I saw Quacker Jack in the passenger’s seat.”

“Is that so?” Darkwing screeched the Rat-Catcher to a complete stop, whirled it around, and went after the two villains.

In Mega Volt’s car, Quacker Jack had his window down. “Say, this is a nice car you’ve got, Mega Volt.”

“Thanks! I made it myself.”

Quacker looked in the side mirror, then gasped. He looked to the rear. “Oh, no! Step on it, Megzy. Darkwing Duck’s chasing us.”

“What?” He looked in his rear-view mirror and then screamed. “Hold on to your seat, Quacky. We’re going to fly like a bat out of—uh, pardon my language—hell!” Mega Volt punched the accelerator to the floor. He then lowered his window and looked in his outer rear-view mirror, then turned his head around to check the road behind him. “Blast, we’re not losing him.” He looked at the electricity gauge. “Uh, Quacky, do you mind if I tell you something?”

“What is it, Megzy?”

Mega Volt gulped. “We’re almost out of electricity.”

“Are you almost out of electricity?”

“No.”

“Then, our only chance to get away from Darkwing is for you to let me behind the wheel so you can refill the tank.”

“Out there?”

“If you don’t like it, you can crawl into the back seat, lower the window back there, open the electricity tank, and shoot some volts in there.”

“Right. Great idea, Quacky. Take the wheel.” Quacker Jack got behind the wheel and slammed the accelerator onto the floor as Mega Volt crawled into the back seat. Mega lowered the left window. “Quacker Jack, there’s a switch to the left of your seat with an electric plug on it. Pull it up.”

“What, this?” He pulled the specified switch. On the outside, a little door opened, revealing the hole for the electric plug.

“Yeah, thanks, Quacker Jack.” Mega blasted electricity into the plug. Darkwing’s Rat-Catcher came alongside the car. “Yaah! It’s Darkwing Duck.”

“Nice guess, Sparky,” Darkwing said.

“I’m getting awfully tired of everyone calling me Sparky!” the electric mutt screamed. He shot Darkwing’s front tire but created a very small hole.

“No, Mega Volt,” Quacker Jack said. “That’s not how you give a cyclist a flat.” He got out a set of his snap-teeth. “This is how!” He tossed the snap-teeth out the window. The teeth snapped Darkwing’s front tire, making it flat enough to make him stop. “What do you think of that?”

Mega Volt scrambled into the front passenger seat. “Not bad, Quacker Jack. On to Liquidator.”

“Uh, there might be a small problem.”

“What?”

“Two, actually. I don’t know where Liquie’s place is, and I don’t have a driver’s license.”

“What? Stop the car.”

“Which pedal is the brake? This one?” He pressed in the clutch.

“No, that’s the clutch. The one to the right of it.”

“Oh, that one.” He released the clutch and pressed in the brake. When they stopped, the car stalled. “Oh, drat. What happened now?”

“Sorry. That’s only a minor problem. The car stalled because I didn’t tell you to keep the darn clutch in.”

“At least we weren’t at an intersection where an immediate stop was needed.” They switched around, then drove off to Liquidator’s bottling factory.

Meanwhile, Darkwing was trying to fix his flat. He saw Mega Volt’s car recede into the distance. “Drat; they got away. I hate it when the criminals get away. Launchpad, hurry with that patch.”

Launchpad searched the supplies. “Uh, sorry, DW, but we don’t have a patch.”

“Darn it. Is the spare still there?”

“No, that isn’t here, either.”

“Okay. Blast it. We’ll have to get the Rat-Catcher back to the hideout some other way later. For now, let’s hide it.” They hid it among some foliage. “I only hope that Bushroot doesn’t decide to have this foliage destroy the Rat-Catcher. Now, we have to run.”

“Run? We have to run?”

“I’m afraid so, LP. There isn’t a moment to lose.” They jogged on the road’s shoulder toward the inner city.

* * *

Liquidator’s Water-Bottling Plant.

“And then, I gave Darkwing Duck a flat with one of my sets of toy teeth,” Quacker Jack recounted. “Oh, it was funny to see him fuming, as he saw us getting away.”

“Yeah,” Mega Volt said. “It was pretty amusing.”

Liquidator was stretched out in a bathtub in his office. To him, it was as comfortable as a couch was to a solid person. He laughed. “I’m sure he was upset.”

Bushroot entered. “Sorry to interrupt, guys, but Barracuda-Breath’s back.”

“Please, Bushy, don’t refer to Angelfish like that. She’s distributing my chemicals for me. Not that she would if she knew all of what she was doing, but what the heck? Send her in.” Bushroot left, then came back with Neptunia a few moments later.

“I’m ready for more, Liquie,” she said.

“Okay, Neptunia. Just a quarter more of the chemicals will help the entire continent’s sea-life to overcome the pollution being dumped into the sea.”

“Glad to hear it. That’s what I’m ready for.”

“Mega Volt, will you do the honors?”

“Certainly,” Mega Volt said. “This way, my dear Neptunia.” Neptunia followed Mega Volt to the chemicals.

“Shut the doors, please, Quacker Jack,” Liquidator said. Quacker Jack quietly shut the doors to the room. “Thank you. That fish is reeled in, QJ. Ha, ha! She does not know my plot fully. Oh, granted, those chemicals do clean up the water for sea life and help sea life, but they have a terrible side effect. You see, the chemicals make the water unsuitable for consumption by land-dwelling people. Therefore, everyone but you three will have to buy their bottled water from me. To you, my three pals, I’m giving the water away. And the people will be unable to simply go to another bottled water brand. Mega Volt and I shall fix the competition good.”

“Uh-huh,” said Bushroot with glee.

“Well, it’s a great idea, Liquidator,” Quacker Jack said. “Isn’t it, Mr. Banana-brain?” He took out his doll, Mr. Banana-brain, which appeared to be a half-peeled banana with arms and legs. He used ventriloquism and a falsetto voice to make it seem that Mr. Banana-brain was speaking. “Personally, I think that it’s a stupid plan, man.” Frowning, Quacker Jack returned to his normal voice. “Ooh. You have some respect the next time I ask you for your opinion, or you’re going to see Mr. Trash Compactor, up close and personal!” He forced Mr. Banana-brain into his pocket. “Stuffed dolls nowadays. You can’t teach them any manners.”

Liquidator shared a concerned look with Bushroot. “So it would seem,” Liquidator said.

Mega Volt came back. “She has the chemicals, and she has left, Liquidator.”

“Ah, good,” Liquidator said. “You know, for such a swell job she’s doing for me, I really ought to give her something to thank her.”

“How about a bomb, all wrapped up in a bow?” suggested Quacker Jack. “That would make me laugh.”

“You silly!”

“Well, thank you, Liquidator. Ha, ha!”

Mega Volt looked out the window. “Well, Liquie, I hate to interrupt your bath, but Dingbat Drip is here.”

“Is he, now? You can take care of him, Quacky and Megzy.”

“Yes, Liquie.”

“Thank you, Liquidator,” Quacker Jack said. “Let’s go, Mega Volt.” He and Mega Volt went down to greet Darkwing.

* * *

Nearly hyperventilating, Launchpad halted outside the door to Liquidator’s factory. “You take this one solo, DW. I’m so tired from running that I can’t go another step.”

“Oh, all right, LP,” said Darkwing. “You find the nearest phone and call Gosalyn and Honker.”

Mega Volt and Quacker Jack emerged from the building. “Mind if we hold the door for you, Dimwing?” Mega Volt asked.

“I’m not here to see you, Sparky.”

“Stop calling me Sparky, you contemptible duck!” Mega Volt fired some wattage, which Darkwing evaded. Darkwing then found a water hose and used it to short-circuit Mega Volt. “Yaaah! I’ve been short-circuited.” He fell to the ground. Darkwing then disappeared.

“Where’d Darkwing Duck go?” Quacker Jack asked.

Darkwing’s voice echoed all around in a ghostly manner. “I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares.” DW appeared out of his smoke in front of Quacker Jack. “I am Darkwing Duck, and I’m here to put an end to your mad scheme, Chuckles.”

“Ooh, don’t you dare call me that.”

Darkwing took his Gas Gun out of his cape. “Well, thou shalt chuckle, Quacker Jack.” Darkwing blasted Quacker Jack with some laughing gas.

Quacker Jack began laughing uncontrollably. “I love laughing gas,” he said with glee. He could barely get a word in through the laughter. He got out a radio transmitter. “Liqui—ha, ha!—Liquidator. Please come in. Ha, ha, ha!”

“What is it, Quacker Jack?” Liquidator said. “What do you find amusing?”

“Dark—ha, ha, ha!—Darkwing Duck is out here, and he’s shot me with some—ha, ha, ha, ha!—with some first-rate laughing gas. Ha, ha, ha! He has also short-circuited Megzy.” He roared with laughter.

“Oh, drat that blasted duck. At least Neptunia is due back in a few minutes. Liquie out.”

“Quacker Jack over and out. Ha, ha, ha!”

In moments, Liquidator and Bushroot were at the door. “Hello, Dipwing,” Liquidator said.

“Howdy, Liquidator and Melon-head,” Darkwing said.

“Don’t call me Melon-head,” Bushroot snapped. Before he could react, Darkwing blasted him with some weed-killer gas. Bushroot fell into a coughing fit. “I hate weed-killing gas.” He fell unconscious to the ground.

“Ready to give up, Waterhead?” asked Darkwing.

Liquidator clenched his fists. “No, Liquidator, don’t lose your temper. That’s what got your pals. Just relax. There! Prepare for liquidation, Darkwing Duck.” Liquidator washed Darkwing down the street. “This is what happens to those who compete with the Flood Crystal-Pure Bottled Water Company. Don’t let it happen to you!”

Neptunia came. Slack-jawed, she observed the battle ground. “Hey! What’s going on here?”

“Our pal, DW, came along, thinking for some odd reason that the water was polluted.”

“Well, if he comes along again, let me deal with him. Okay, Liquie?”

“Of course, Neptunia.”

“By the way, I’m ready for the rest of those chemicals, Liquidator.”

Gosalyn and Honker ran to them. “No, Neptunia,” cried Gosalyn.

“What?” Neptunia asked. “Oh, don’t you kids work with Darkwing?”

“That’s right, ma’am,” said Honker. “Listen to this recording from a device that Darkwing planted in the building.”

“What?” Liquidator snapped. “No!”

Honker activated the tape recorder. The tape played the following:

Liquidator: “That fish is reeled in, QJ. Ha, ha! She does not know my plot fully. Oh, granted, those chemicals do clean up the water for sea life and help sea life, but they have a terrible side effect. You see, the chemicals make the water unsuitable for consumption by land-dwelling people. Therefore, everyone but you three will have to buy their bottled water from me. To you, my three pals, I’m giving the water away. And the people will be unable to simply go to another bottled water brand. Mega Volt and I shall fix the competition good.”

Bushroot: “Uh-huh.”

Quacker Jack: “Well, it’s a great idea, Liquidator.”

Neptunia’s astonished expression soon turned into a mask of rage. “I’ve been played for a sap.”

“You don’t understand,” Liquidator protested. “It’s—”

Darkwing appeared out of smoke. “I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the weak link in the chain of crime. I am Darkwing Duck, and you are through, Liquidator.”

“Neptunia, Darkwing Duck is somehow trying to trick you,” said Liquidator. “He—”

“I never should have believed you, you watery liar,” Neptunia shouted in rage. “If you think you’re going to trick me once more, you’d better think again.”

“No! Curse you, Darkwing Duck! Curse you and your two helping brats.”

“Since he tricked you, Neptunia, you may do the honors,” Darkwing said.

“Thanks, Darkwing.” She leapt into Liquidator and spun him out. When she had left his body, he was spinning in an uncontrollable whirl.

“Now, evildoer, suck pudding.” Darkwing blasted Liquidator with a pudding capsule from his Gas Gun after Neptunia had left his body. When it hit Liquidator, it turned him into pudding.

“Oh, yuck,” Liquidator said with disgust. “Time to get out of here.” From the same hose that Darkwing had used to short-circuit Mega Volt, a torrent burst forth and washed away Liquidator, Quacker Jack, Mega Volt, and Bushroot. “See you around, Darkwing Duck.”

Darkwing clenched his fists as the villains escaped. “See you later, Liquie.”

* * *

Darkwing Tower.

Back at Darkwing Tower, Neptunia was most contrite. “I don’t know what to say, Darkwing,” Neptunia said. “I’m really sorry.”

“That’s okay, Neptunia,” Darkwing said. “That Liquidator has always had a way of getting people to buy into his schemes. I was surprised that he got those other three members of the Fearsome Five to work with him.”

“Well, I won’t be a part of any more of his schemes.”

“I’m glad. You two showed up in time, Gosalyn and Honker. I guess that we owe this to you.”

“Thank you, Darkwing,” Gosalyn said.

“Thanks, sir,” said Honker.

“Well, I’ve got to get to sea,” Neptunia said. “I have to tell my sea creatures to get rid of those chemicals before they hurt anyone.”

“Okay,” Darkwing said. “Goodbye, Neptunia.”

“See you around, guys.” She leapt out the window and into the sea.

“Well, thanks to the famed crime-fighter, Darkwing Duck, and his pals, all is safe, and the city can sleep safely tonight, knowing that Darkwing Duck and friends will be keeping watch over them. By the way, I might as well have a date with my dear Morganna while I’m at it.”