23--RMWVL, Part 5, Ch.1

September 8.

Forest of Illusion, Dinosaur Land, Mushroom World.

rincess Peach Toadstool and the Spike Koopas were walking through the Forest of Illusion in Dinosaur Land in the Mushroom World. She found herself becoming attracted to King Spike Koopa. From their conversations during the time that they had had together, she was certain that the same applied to him as well. She would never have remotely considered such a relationship with his atrocious brother, of course, but Spike knew how to treat her. She had to admit that he was quite handsome.

“Interesting life you’ve had, King Spike,” she said.

“I must say the same about you, Princess Peach,” Spike said. “My brother and his rotten crop of Koopalings give Koopas a bad name. Now, Bowser has tied the knot with MotherBrain. Is nothing sacred?”

“You and your Koopalings have ten times more manners than Bowser Koopa and his brute-group.”

King Bowser Koopa and a group of Koopa-Troopas appeared from behind a nearby tree. “I quite agree,” said Bowser.

“Bowser Koopa!”

“That’s King Bowser Koopa to you, Princess Toad‑stooge.”

Spike stepped in front of Peach and shielded her from Bowser. “You will not speak to the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom that way.”

“Says who, brother? I’m going to capture her, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

“Is that so, Uncle Bowser?” Ludwig von(Spike)Koopa said. “Well, we shall see about that.” He drew a saber and pointed it at Bowser.

“Watch where you’re pointing that,” said Bowser.

“No need to worry, Uncle. I learned from the best sword master in VideoLand. I bested him in our last sword fight match. In fact, I have even added my own moves.” He carved ‘LDSK’ in Bowser Koopa’s king suit.

“L-D-S-K? What does that mean?”

“It stands for ‘Luis de(Spike)Koopa,’ the Spanish equivalent of my name, and if you know what is good for you, you’ll depart immediately, you vile rogue. This saber has a laser-blaster in the tip end. You do not want to find out first-hand what it can do.”

“Yaah! Evil Koopa Pack, retreat!” The evil Koopas warped back to Metroid.

“You showed him, son,” Spike said. “Putting you through school was worth every penny I paid.”

“I didn’t know that you could sword fight, Prince Ludwig,” said Peach.

Ludwig sheathed his sword. “I learned how to do it well.”

“You sure humiliated Bowser Koopa.”

“I take that as a definite plus.”

“Guys, give us a moment,” Spike said. “I wish to speak with her alone for a moment.”

“Sure, Dad,” said Ludwig.

King Spike and Princess Peach went behind a nearby tree. “I hadn’t said this before, but I have a proposal for you, Princess,” said King Spike.

“What sort of proposal?” asked Princess Peach.

“A wedding proposal. Sure, I may not be the most handsome guy in the world.”

Peach smiled and took his hand. “Let me be the judge of that, Spike. I’ll accept if you let Dr. Wright give us the necessary examinations.”

“Certainly, my dear Princess Peach. I have been thinking. Most of my Koopalings need a mother.”

“You have done a good job in rearing them.”

“Maybe, but still. Especially Wendy. Besides, I feel that our kingdoms will benefit greatly from being combined.”

“I do, too. In that case, I agree, Spike. That is, if Dr. Wright sees that we have no diseases of a certain nature.”

“Certainly, my dear. Let’s go.” They returned to the Koopalings, and the whole group warped to the Palace of Power.

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

Bowser stormed into the control room and removed his suit. “Imagine, the ultimate humiliation of having LDSK carved in one’s king suit. It’s enough to drive one stark raving bonkers. Eggplant Wizard, can you sew?”

“No,” said Eggplant Wizard.

“Why, you stupid little son of a—”

“I won a quilting bee once,” King Hippo interrupted. “I can repair your royal suit.”

“Very well. Get to work.” Bowser shoved his royal suit into King Hippo’s hands. The boxer immediately went to repair it.

“Now let’s see what those N‑Twerps are doing,” MotherBrain said. When she turned on her monitor, it showed Dr. Wright’s lab. Princess Peach and King Spike, as well as the rest of the N‑Team, were there.

“Very well, Princess Peach and King Spike,” Dr. Wright said. “I am legally authorized to grant marriage licenses.”

“Good choice, Princess,” Mario said. “I don’t know how to run a kingdom.”

“Neither do I,” said Luigi. “While we can stop some evil, the two of us can’t handle the problems of government.”

“I believe that I will be faintly competent, however,” Spike said.

“Okay, Princess Peach,” said Dr. Wright. “First, you sit in the examination chair.” She did so. Dr. Wright pulled a lever on a machine. A readout of Princess Peach’s systems appeared on a screen that Dr. Wright studied for a short while. “Let’s see. There are no diseases in your body at this time.”

“On Earth, you would have to have a blood test, Princess,” Perry Mason said.

“Well, Perry, that is unnecessary with this machine,” Dr. Wright said. “It is designed to automatically detect what every molecule and atom makes up within your body. Okay, Princess. You’re all right. Now, King Spike, it’s your turn.” Once Princess Peach had gotten up, Spike Koopa sat in the examination chair. Dr. Wright performed the operation on him. “Well, let’s see. Nothing is wrong with you, either. You’re fine, too.”

“I’m glad to know that,” said King Spike. He got up and turned to Princess Peach. “King Spike Koopa at your service, my lady.” He kissed her hand like the gentleman he was. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Princess Peach said. Spike placed an engagement ring on her finger. “You guys should have seen what Ludwig here did to Bowser Koopa’s king suit.”

“Blast,” said MotherBrain. She activated her hologram projector. “It was not funny, Princess Peach.”

“What do you want, MotherBrain?” Lana demanded. “You have no business interrupting a proposal.”

“What do I want? I want to fry your hides and take control of VideoLand. Good-bye!” Her hologram disappeared.

“Do you suppose she’s upset?” Zelda asked.

“She’s just like my brother, Bowser, and his seven Koopa brats,” Spike said. “When shall we get married, my dear Peach?”

“Whenever you want, Spike,” Peach said. “I’ll let you decide.”

“This guy’s a gentleman, not like nasty ol’ Bowser Koopa,” Toad said.

“That evil brother of mine can be such a brute,” Spike said. “I don’t profess to be perfect, but I try to be good.”

“I almost married that creep once just to save my world from him,” Peach said.

“Yes,” Mario said. “And he betrayed you the first chance he got. Good thing Luigi and I interfered, or he would be boss of the whole Mushroom World.”

“And I would not be able to have the pleasure of marrying the more gentlemanly Koopa King,” Princess Peach said.

“And I would not have the pleasure of marrying you, my dear Peach,” Spike said. “I’ve been able to gain the support of nearly all the Koopa nobles and their worlds within the half of VideoLand that the Mushroom Kingdom once controlled, and so as we marry, much of that region shall be united once again. Hopefully, we’ll find a way to stand against—or talk some sense into—the Koopa Army. Regrettably, they are still under Bowser’s sway. Where shall we get married?”

“We can get married at my castle in the Mushroom Kingdom.”

“How about tomorrow at noon?”

“Great idea, Spike.”

Simon was surprised. “Tomorrow at noon? Oh, that is such short notice for my tailor!” He got out a computer from his backpack and keyed in some instructions.

“Let’s invite the entire N‑Team,” King Spike suggested.

“Do you mean it, King Spike?” Kevin asked.

“Why be so formal, Kevin? All of you can just call us by our first names.”

“Yes,” Ludwig von(Spike)Koopa said. “It is much easier to do so.”

Watching intently, Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa laughed. “What an opportunity this is.”

“Quite right, Ludwig. Um, how exactly do you mean?” MotherBrain asked.

“I can use my super-computer to switch Spike’s and Larry’s brains and have Princess Peach marry Larry instead. A devious idea, and you know the law.”

“Yes! I am glad that you thought of it.”

Bowser laughed. “If you can get Peach to marry Larry, then the Mushroom World will be Larry’s, even once you transfer him back to his normal body.”

“That is not all. When Captain N and Princess Lana eventually decide to marry—which I’m sure they will—I can transfer my brain from myself to Kevin, marry Lana, and become prince of VideoLand.”

Bowser roared with laughter. “Such a dastardly idea!”

“Your twisted, genius brain has done it again, Ludwig,” MotherBrain laughed. “I am so proud of you.”

“I’ll get to work immediately by writing the program on my computer.” He went to his computer and began keying in the code to effect his nefarious deeds.

* * *

Triforce Chamber, Hyrule Castle, Kingdom of Hyrule.

Later, in Hyrule Castle, Link and Zelda polished the three Triforces. Zelda cleaned the Triforce of Wisdom. “Make sure that the Triforces are spotless, Link.”

Link was cleaning the Triforce of Courage and the Triforce of Power. “You have it, Zelda. These are going to be more spotless than a clean glass of clear water.” He had soon finished. “There. They’re both clean.”

“So is this one.”

“I did pretty well, didn’t I? Kiss me!”

“Not yet, buster.”

“All right. Let’s take them to Princess Peach’s castle.”

“Yes, Link.” They did so.

* * *

Throne Room, Palace of Power.

Captain N entered the throne room and went over to Princess Lana. “For some mysterious reason, I feel a little bit uneasy about something,” he told her before she could ask.

“What is it, Kevin?”

“I don’t know. Samus, come over here, please.” Samus came from the computer that served as the Palace’s security station. She rarely monitored things here as she tended to be busy elsewhere, but she liked to stay familiar with the Palace’s security.

“What is it, Kevin?” asked Samus.

“Could you get MegaLand’s Galactic Federation Police to put patrol satellites in Metroid’s region of space? I feel that they are up to something over there.”

“Will‑do, Captain N.” She left through the warp to the GFP department.

Captain N went to the security computer and activated the communicator. “Lieutenant Tragg, Lieutenant Anderson, and Mr. Drake, come up here, please.”

They arrived minutes later, along with Hamilton Burger, Perry Mason, and Della Street. “What is it, Kevin?” Burger asked.

“I have a suspicion about something. I know that King Spike is on our side, but I cannot shake this feeling that the wedding will somehow be sabotaged. I would guess that the Brain-Team would be responsible.”

* * *

Service Tunnel, Tourian, Metroid.

Ludwig was working on a power relay to fix Metroid’s cloaking device. He was watching the N‑Team with his portable monitor. “Drat! They’re onto us.” He emerged from the tunnel into the control room. “I hope that got it. Try to engage the cloaking device, Dad.” Bowser pressed a button. “Are we cloaked?”

Bowser checked the status. “No, curse it.” His fist came down on an unimportant part of the panel. “The cloaking device is still not calibrated to make us undetectable to electromagnetic readouts. The light, which is supposed to go completely around us, is blurred, and the radio and infrared rays being emitted by the planet are not being hidden.”

“Confound it. We cannot succeed in our attempts at conquest without the cloaking device. Deactivate it.”

Bowser did so. “The cloak is off. I guess that we had better forget this plan.”

“Yes, gosh darn it. I was hoping that I would be able to slip Larry into Spike’s body so my brother would become ruler of the Mushroom World. But I’d have to get Metroid close to the Mushroom World without its being detected immediately by the sensors in Peach’s palace. Wait. I have a deliciously more evil idea. Gather ’round.”

* * *

Princess Peach’s Castle, Mushroom Kingdom, Mushroom World.

Later, at Princess Peach’s castle, King Spike Koopa’s servants, who looked much like King Bowser’s but were far more civilized, were readying the castle for the wedding. “All right, Mousling,” Spike said. “You can sweep up some of this garbage for a considerable raise—say 100%?”

“That’s all right, King Spike,” Mousling said. He closely resembled Mouser. “You pay me far too well already. Serving you is a reward in itself.” He continued his cleansing operations.

“You treat your servants well,” said Princess Peach. “I appreciate that.”

“Yes. If you abuse them, why should they do anything for you? Ludwig, come here.”

Ludwig von(Spike)Koopa went over to him. “What is it, Dad?”

“Show Princess Peach how well you can sword fight. I took the same sword fighting class as you did. I am almost as good as you are, but not quite.” Spike drew his saber and put a protective round ball on the end. Ludwig did the same. They then put protective masks on for their swordplay.

“All right, Dad. En garde!” They began a sword fighting match. The skills of both were quite excellent, though Ludwig did better and defeated his father after a few minutes.

Spike removed his mask. “Touché, son. Another gracious victory as usual.”

“You’re a good sport, Dad.” He took the ball off the tip of his sword and put both the ball and sword away. So did Spike.

“You both are very good,” Peach said.

“Just wait ’til you see Ludwig play his violin,” said Spike.

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

After watching the sparring match between Spike and his eldest son, MotherBrain laughed. “So, those two think that they can sword fight well, do they?”

“Let them try to beat me,” Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa said. “I had a good instructor, too. With my control, I can sword-fight twice as well as the two of them combined. True, I may be no Zorro, but I should be able to outfox those two.” As Ludwig knew well, the Spanish word zorro meant ‘fox,’ and it was after the fox that the character Diego de la Vega dubbed his secret identity, Zorro. “I have been saving this laser saber for just this circumstance.” He went into a closet, got a saber handle, and closed the closet door.

“What good will a sword handle and hilt do without a blade?” MotherBrain asked.

“This is no ordinary saber, my dear MotherBrain.” He thumbed a button on the handle. A stream of light came out with about the same length as a saber blade. MotherBrain’s jaw gaped in astonishment. “The blade of this saber is made of laser light and phased matter. It will burn through my cousin’s steel saber more easily than a hot knife through butter.”

“Ooh,” Eggplant Wizard said. “Let me feel.”

“Okay, but anything more than the slightest touch could scorch you or cut your finger off.”

Eggplant Wizard made the slightest touch with his fingers. “Ooch! Boy, that is hot.”

“This is just the thing to use against those do‑gooders.” He pressed the button on the handle once more, and the blade of light disappeared. “Unless one is an expert sword fighter, it would be extremely unsafe to handle one of these laser sabers while not using the practice setting. I got my idea from watching the Star Wars movies from the United States of America on Earth, but not even Luke Skywalker’s light saber is as scorching as this can be. Nor did his have multiple settings. This will aid me in my plan that I proposed earlier, right after my plan for entering Spike’s, Captain N’s, and Link’s bodies and marrying the three princesses was automatically foiled by my snap judgment. Not to mention our stupid cloaking device.”

“Indeed,” MotherBrain said.

“Now, to warn the N‑Team.” Ludwig turned on the radio. “This is Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa calling Perry Mason. Please come in.” Perry Mason appeared on the screen.

“What is it, Prince Ludwig?” asked Perry.

“Perry Mason, guess what I made for myself?”

“What?”

“I made myself a laser saber. It’s similar to the light sabers Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader used in Star Wars. I just thought that I’d tell you. This is more powerful than Luke’s. I learned fencing from a master.”

“Well, that sounds . . . wonderful.”

“Thank you. As another warning, I’m also trying to perfect a cloaking device, like the Romulans have in Star Trek: The Next Generation, for Metroid, but it doesn’t work right. I would stay and chat, but I have sword-fighting to practice. You know what they say, Mr. Mason—”

“Practice makes perfect,” they both said.

“I should be grateful if you would inform Captain N for me. I shall see you later.”

“Very well,” Perry said. “Good‑bye, Ludwig.” Ludwig shut off the communicator.

“Now, let’s telephone Hamilton Burger,” MotherBrain said. “I want to get him P.O.ed.”

“Yes, my evil brain.” Ludwig turned on his radio. “This is Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa calling Hamilton Burger. Please come in.”

Hamilton came in on the screen, and he looked none too pleased to see them. “What do you want?” He gestured to the papers covering his desk. “As you can see, I’m a bit busy at the moment.”

“Hey, Ham Burger,” said MotherBrain. “Have you prosecuted so many people that you had to start prosecuting chickens?” She laughed. “Or maybe some leeches? Or—I know. You had to start prosecuting cacti. Or maybe bacteria!” She laughed mockingly.

“If you want to be sued, keep that up.”

“Oh, all right. You’re no fun, you know. Goodbye.” She turned off the radio. “He’s sure a spoil-sport, isn’t he?”

* * *

Throne Room, Palace of Power.

Perry Mason arrived in the Throne Room. “Oh, hello, Mr. Mason,” Kevin greeted.

“You needn’t be so formal, Kevin,” Perry said. “You can call me Perry if you want to do so.”

“Is something wrong, Perry?” Lana asked.

“Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa called. He told me very convincingly that he has made a laser–saber. It’s similar to the light saber that Luke Skywalker was supposed to have in Star Wars, but he claims it’s stronger. Ludwig also told me that he had learned fencing from a master. Additionally, he is trying to perfect that Romulan-style cloaking device for Metroid but has been unsuccessful so far.”

“Laser saber? Sword skills? A Romulan cloaking device? Why, that Tortoisian. Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa is crazy.”

“He could be watching, Kevin.”

“Well, he can know that I think he’s loony toons.”

Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa appeared in a hologram. “Now see here, Captain N. I may be crazy, but I am not loony toons. Wile E. Coyote and Bugs Bunny are Looney Tunes. I happen to be a loony Koopa.” Laughing, he disappeared.

“The nerve of the scoundrel.”

“He certainly is crazy, isn’t he?”

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

King Hippo entered the control room with King Bowser Koopa’s suit, which he had completely repaired. Mouser followed him in. “I have finished, King Bowser,” King Hippo said.

“Ah,” said Bowser. “As good as new. Thank you, King Hippo.” He put his suit back on and then looked into a mirror. “Lookin’ good, Your Royal Koopaness.”

“Extremely good, Dad,” Ludwig said.

“Ah! Thank you for that appropriate correction, my son.”

“Mouser, find Dr. Wily and ProtoMan; get to work on that cloaking device with them. I at least want light to go around this planet correctly when I get back.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” said Mouser.

* * *

September 9.

Church Sanctuary Chamber, Castle Church, Princess Peach’s Castle, Mushroom Kingdom.

At noon the next day, many were gathered to watch the marriage ceremony between Princess Peach and King Spike Koopa. Even the Brain-Team appeared. King Spike’s best man was Mario. Princess Peach’s bridesmaid was her soon-to-be stepdaughter, Wendy Ostentatia (Spike)Koopa. The one to marry them together was Perry Mason, authorized by the government of VideoLand to conduct weddings. Princess Peach had just marched down the aisle.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Princess Peach of the Kingdom of the Mushroom World and King Spike of the Good Koopa Kingdom into holy matrimony,” Perry said. “With their union, their kingdoms also unite into one. Who presents Princess Peach to be wed to King Spike Koopa?”

“I speak for the entire Mario-Team,” Mario said. “Since evil forces have prevented her father from being present, we present Princess Peach Toadstool to be wed to King Spike Koopa.” In truth, Bowser had killed Princess Peach’s father in a most horrific, demoralizing way many years previous.

“Who presents King Spike Koopa to be wed to Princess Peach?” Perry asked.

“My fellow Koopalings of Spike and I do,” Ludwig von(Spike)Koopa said.

“King Spike Koopa, do you take this lady to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, to worship as long as you both shall live, until you are parted by death?”

“I do,” Spike said.

“And do you, Princess Peach, take this gentleman to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, to worship as long as you both shall live, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Peach said.

“Can anyone show just cause for which these two should not be married?” No one spoke up. “Have you the wedding ring, King Spike Koopa?”

Spike removed one of two wedding rings from the pillow that his twin sons were bearing. “Yes.”

“Then, repeat after me: ‘With this ring, I thee wed.’ ”

“With this ring, I thee wed.”

“Please place the ring on her ring finger.” King Spike did so. “Princess Peach, have you a wedding ring?”

Peach removed the other ring from the pillow. “Yes.”

“Then repeat after me: ‘With this ring, I thee wed.’ ”

“With this ring, I thee wed.”

“Please place it on his finger.” Princess Peach did so. “By the power vested in me by the government of the Kingdom of VideoLand, I declare you man and wife. King Spike, you may kiss the bride.” King Spike Koopa lifted Princess Peach Toadstool’s veil. He and Princess Peach kissed. The two strongly felt the urge to lose control and continue the kiss forever, but they both knew that this was not the time or place for it. “Everyone, I present to you the King and Queen Spike Koopa. The Lord be with you all.”

After this statement, Princess Peach and King Spike Koopa marched back up the aisles as was traditional. The N‑Team and other invited guests went to the reception, which was downstairs.

* * *

Reception Chamber, Queen Peach’s Castle.

“Thank you for being my best man, Mario,” Spike said.

“The pleasure is mine, Your Majesty,” Mario said. “I have my speech all ready.”

“Hello, Mario,” Peach said.

“Hello, Queen Peach.”

“Yes, I guess that I am a queen now, according to the kingdom’s laws. That will take a little getting used to.”

“Queen Peach Toadstool of the Kingdom of the Mushroom World and the Good Koopa Kingdom,” Spike said. “You may append the name ‘Koopa’ to yours if you wish, but I don’t require it.”

“And now, you are King Spike Koopa of the Kingdom of the Mushroom World and the Good Koopa Kingdom,” Queen Peach said.

“And now I am probably Prince Ludwig von(Spike)Koopa of the Kingdom of the Mushroom World and the Good Koopa Kingdom, eh?” Ludwig von(Spike)Koopa said.

“Yes, I’d say so, Ludwig,” Mario said.

“Hopefully, I will see that you are a suitable heir to my position, Ludwig,” Peach said.

“I’ll still be the leader of her Mushroom Retainers, won’t I?” Toad asked.

“Of course you will, Toad,” said King Spike. “Your privileges and duties will remain the same. And I realize that you are one of her closest friends, so there is no conscionable way I can keep you two apart. Not that I wish to.”

Some uninvited guests, the Brain-Team, entered the reception hall. “Hello there,” Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa said.

“Prince Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa,” Mario said. “I might have known that you would crash the party.”

“Oh, really, Mario,” Bowser said. “We may be low-down rats, but we’re not that low-down. We just dropped by for a little chat.”

“Right,” MotherBrain said. “Hello, sister-in-law Peach.”

Peach sighed. “I guess that I am sister-in-law to a huge cerebrum.”

“So you are, Queen Peach of the Good Koopa Kingdom and the Kingdom of the Mushroom World. Allow me to extend my tentacle in sisterhood. I am legally a queen, also, as I am queen of the Evil Koopa Kingdom.”

“Bowser, guess whom I invited,” said Spike.

“Who?” Bowser asked.

Mother Koopa rushed into the room. “Me!”

Bowser stamped his foot. “Not you! If he invited you, why didn’t he invite me? Not fair!”

Mother Koopa whacked Bowser in the head with her purse. “Shaddup, you bad boy. Ever since you got that brain transplant, you’ve been a bad boy.”

“Mother,” interrupted Spike, “we have so much to catch up on.”

“Yes, we do, Spike. You can come and talk with us, Peach.”

“My pleasure,” Peach said. The three left to talk alone.

“Okay, Mario,” Bowser said. “You don’t have to start a fight just because I am around.”

“Oh, yeah?” said Mario. “If anyone starts the fight, it’ll be you.”

“That’s enough,” Kevin said firmly.

“Kevin, what—”

“I’m sorry, Mario, but my instructions are to keep watch and to make sure that no fights are started.” He looked Bowser and Mario both in the eye. “By anyone.”

“So are mine, Kevin,” Tragg said.

“So are mine,” said Andy.

“Mario, I would hate to arrest anyone for disturbing the peace,” Tragg said. “Especially you, since you’re the best man. Just calm yourself, and be careful.”

“Don’t worry, Tragg,” Mario said. “I’ll keep my plunger in line.”

Samus came. “Quit bugging the plumber, Lieutenant Tragg,” she said acerbically.

“Blast it, Chief Aran. Ever since I met you, I’ve disliked you strongly,” Tragg said.

“Why? Because I’m also chief of the Vice Squad in the VideoLand Police Department?”

“Yes! In less than five percent of your work, you have to deal with Mason.”

“Good. His clients are usually innocent. If all the people caught were guilty, life would be a lot easier.”

“You get to deal with the stuff that gets in the paper. I work on homicides. If you pick up someone who’s been violating too many people, you get your darned face—or at least your helmet—on the front page. But if I pick up someone who’s been doing too much murdering, the people just put my name in the paper. They’ve even left off a G from my name. You’re no better an officer than I am.”

“Well, it looks like Lieutenant Tragg and Chief Aran have found something to argue about,” Mario said.

Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa approached Kevin. “Captain N, Perry Mason may have told you that I made myself a sword with a laser blade.” He took the handle of his sword and pressed the button that made the laser blade appear.

“Whoa,” Kevin said. “How hot is it?”

“It can cut through a thick cutlass more easily than a hot knife through butter.”

“Is that so, cousin?” Ludwig von(Spike)Koopa said. “Can it best my saber?” He drew his sword in a non-threatening manner.

“I strongly suggest that you not use your best sword, cousin. You might regret it.”

“Well, I have an old cutlass that is not nearly as valuable as this. Two minutes.” He put his saber away and left the room. When he came back a few minutes later, he had an old, almost worthless cutlass in his hand. Its only value was its strong blade, which could be reforged easily.

“Simple matter,” said Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa. “Hand me that if you please.” Ludwig von(Spike)Koopa handed the cutlass to him. Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa held his laser saber in his left hand aiming in front of him and the old cutlass in his right hand with the blade across the front of his body. “Observe.” He held his saber up in the air and then brought it down with great force, easily slicing the cutlass into two pieces. The severed cutlass blade fell to the floor with a clatter. “Oh, that was a tad bit too hard. I shall have to turn up the power.” He turned a dial on the handle slightly after pressing the button that made the laser blade disappear.

“Amazing,” Ludwig von(Spike)Koopa said. “Kevin, remind me never to sword fight with my cousin.”

“Relax,” said Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa. He removed a computer padd from his shell. “According to my list, I have made some one hundred of them. And I have more under production.”

“That’s a large number,” Kevin said. “Might that not be a bit too many?”

“Not in the least, Captain N. I know some things that I cannot disclose at this time. Temporal Prime Directive. But think about what Dr. Wright told you about earlier, very soon after Perry helped you win the case in which you were accused of stealing the Sacred Square.”

“I’ve forgotten what he said.”

“You’ll remember in due time. Meanwhile, we have business to which we must attend on Metroid, like getting an uncooperative cloaking device to work right. I’d ask for Dr. Wright’s help, but then I’d have to kill him when things are working properly. Come, my villainous Brain-Team associates.” The Brain-Team left through a warp to Metroid.

“Whatever he means, I can’t think of it,” Kevin said.

“Don’t worry about it, Kevin,” Lana said. “Let’s just have some fun, shall we?”

* * *

September 15.

Triforce Chamber, Hyrule Castle, Kingdom of Hyrule.

For nearly a week after the wedding, the peace held between the N‑Team and the Brain-Team. Everywhere except for Hyrule, that is. Mysteriously, over a period of three nights after the wedding of Peach Toadstool and Spike Koopa, the alarm at Hyrule Castle seemed to malfunction nine times.

However, there was a valid reason for those malfunctions: Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. Each time, they came in through a warp in the ceiling. This ninth time was no exception. Eggplant Wizard landed on the floor. “There are the Triforces. Have you got the magic spell that Ludwig gave you, King Hippo? We need it to deactivate Princess Zelda’s alarm.”

“Of course I have it, veggie dumdum.” King Hippo went through his pocket. “Laundry list, fortune cookie fortune, letter from Mama.” Eggplant Wizard glared at him. “Hey, no problem! I memorized the spell!”

“You know, if we mess this up, Ludwig might fry the both of us.”

“Not if I fry you first. Let’s see. Eye of frog and newt of quail—or was that snewt of frog and eye of snail?”

“Now you’ve done it! You have to say it in German, you imbecile.”

“Uh, oh.” The Triforce’s alarms and defenses went off. Laser beams lanced out towards King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard. Turning about, they evaded the lasers and ran to the warp. Eggplant Wizard hopped up to the warp zone and pulled in King Hippo with his Veggie-Wand.

Less than a second after the warp had closed, Princess Zelda’s sentries arrived to see what was going on. The guards were confused to see that no one was around. They were safe, though, because the defense mechanism would not target them, Link, or Zelda. Zelda came in and turned off the alarm on the Triforces.

Link ran in, ready for a fight with the Master Sword in his hand. “What’s going on in here?” he cried.

Zelda was infuriated. “This is the last time I get up for an alarm malfunction. This makes nine times in the last three days!”

Link yawned and sheathed his sword. “Well, what can we do about it?”

“Well, I’m going back to sleep. You should organize the sentries to guard the Triforces.”

“Me?”

“I have complete confidence in your organizational skills. Good night, Link.” Zelda returned to her bedroom as Link looked at the sentries.

“All right, guys.” He pointed to two. “You two go outside the castle and help guard the palace gates.”

“Yes, Link,” the two sentries said, saluting. They left.

Link pointed to two other sentries. “You two guard the door that leads here from the Grand Hall.”

The two sentries saluted. “Aye, sir.” They left.

Link turned to the three remaining sentries. “You three stay in here. Make sure no one reaches the Triforce.”

“Aye, Link,” the three sentries said, saluting.

“And stay awake!” Link left the room to the Grand Hall. The room’s only other exit was to Zelda’s room. He wished he could go back in time and tell his ancestor not to give a certain command to the Triforce. Before that command, the Triforce would serve only the first person to touch it. The first person to touch it was Ganon. Link’s ancestor gained the Triforce by destroying Ganon, and he did much good in his day with the Triforce’s power. The princess of that time married Link’s ancestor. The Triforce would only obey the ancestor, but that changed when the ancestor ordered it to obey whoever touched it.

Link realized that it was intended as an unselfish act. The princess of that time two thousand years ago was a good person, as well. She and Link’s ancestor used the Triforce to do good. However, the ancestor’s order was flawed. If MotherBrain or Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa or any other villain got the Triforce, they would have unquestionable control over it.

Link reviewed his history in his head. Two thousand years ago, his ancestor, whose name was also Link, destroyed Ganon and gained control of the Triforce. Some time later, this earlier Link visited other lands that were under the administration of the Kingdom of Hyrule to learn fighting strategies, to gain greater knowledge and wisdom, and to train his inexperienced troops to defend Hyrule. He had a dream wherein his ship was wrecked and he landed on Koholint Island, learning that his only way to escape was to awaken the Wind Fish. The Wind Fish was sleeping in its egg on the highest peak on the island. Only the Seven Instruments of the Sirens, which were locked in dangerous dungeons, could awaken it. He survived his adventures and awakened the Wind Fish.

When he woke up, he remembered the details vividly enough to write down the entire adventure. The dream had baffled everyone, even the MegaLandian scientists, since few people had dreams they remembered so vividly and in such length. The earlier Link described everything, including a girl named Marin, who taught him the Ballad of the Wind Fish. It was this piece that had to be played on the seven instruments and a flute to awaken the Wind Fish. Marin so resembled the princess that the earlier Link could not distinguish between them.

In any case, the details that the earlier Link recounted were so real that some have proposed that it was not a mere dream. For two centuries, the MegaLandian scientists have been unable to determine what really happened to the Link of two millennia ago.

The year wherein Link’s ancestor defeated Ganon was 0. The script of the dream, entitled My Strange Dream on Koholint Island, bore the Royal VideoLand Publication Date 15 July a.d. 5. At the end, it clearly stated its author’s uncertainty that it was, indeed, merely a dream.

Hyrulian history was infamous for a couple of stretches of time where little history was written. The earlier of these was long ago before the year 0. The second of these eras was from 850 to 1492. It was during this time that the Triforce of Courage, one of the three pieces that made up the whole Triforce, was lost.

From 1492 to 1949, the whole world was the victim of merciless attacks by Ganon, and the Triforce of Power mysteriously vanished. Hyrule disintegrated from the beautiful and powerful kingdom of Link’s ancestor to a struggling rural kingdom unable to adequately govern the rest of the world, and the whole world suffered. Poor Princess Zelda was born on 1 January 1972. It was on 10 January 1974 that Link was born on Hyrule. In fact, Kevin had been born on Earth the previous day, though he was only about twelve hours older than Link.

In 1988, Ganon clearly possessed the Triforce of Power, though many thought that he had it all along, and Zelda had the Triforce of Wisdom. The Triforce of Courage was still lost. Zelda broke the Triforce of Wisdom into eight pieces and hid them throughout Hyrule where Ganon could not find them. After killing her father, Ganon captured her and tried to make her tell him where the Triforce was, but to no avail. Zelda’s governess, Impa, went in search of help and was hounded by Ganon’s henchmen.

Originally an adventurer from a neighboring realm beyond the mountains, Link chanced upon Impa’s caravan and rescued her from Ganon’s henchmen. While he was patching up her wounds, she told him of Zelda’s capture. He set out to reassemble the Triforce of Wisdom and to rescue Zelda and the Triforce of Power. He succeeded. Within a week, the Triforce of Power and the Triforce of Wisdom sat in the Castle of Hyrule, and Princess Zelda ruled the land. Despite the massive harm that Ganon had inflicted, Hyrule easily grew out of poverty and recovered the power that it had once held. The Kingdom of Hyrule governed the Planet of Hyrule once more.

In 1990, however, Zelda fell into a coma. Link had had suspicions that Ganon was not defeated yet, and this verified it. Link had the symbol of the completed Triforce on the back of his hand. A wise and ancient woman told him that it was his destiny to find the Triforce of Courage to complete the triangle: three Triforces forming one complete Triforce. Only when the Triforce of Courage was recovered could Zelda reawaken. So, Link set out to find it. He had to sharpen his magical skills and sword-fighting techniques. He had to destroy guardians in several palaces and set crystals in the palaces to be able to enter the final palace. In the end, he had to fight his own shadow.

He succeeded in this quest, and the Triforce was finally complete once more, the way his ancestor had found it. Now, Ganon, MotherBrain, and Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa were allies, and they would be dangerous in the extreme if they laid their evil hands on the Triforce. They would not, if Link had his way.

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

Metroid, barely under cloak, was less than a light-year away from Hyrule. The evil Ludwig was watching what was going on in Hyrule Castle’s throne room. He sat in his motorized chair. “Excellent. Zelda turned off the alarm on the Triforces.” He turned his chair around to face the doorway and laughed. “Those sentries will be useless. The Triforces are as good as belonging to my kooky clan, MotherBrain, and me.” He looked at King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard, who were in the doorway. “Once I get rid of you two, that is.”

Eggplant Wizard gulped. “Get . . . rid of us?”

“I only meant that I’m putting you on paid vacation. Have fun.”

“We will,” said King Hippo. “MotherBrain never gives us paid vacation. How long?”

“One week.”

“Thank you, Prince Ludwig,” said Eggplant Wizard. He and King Hippo went to their room to pack.

After the fools had left, Ludwig laughed. “I do not need them for this caper, nor need I a malfunctioning cloaking device. Once I have the Triforces, I shall have the power to wake up Ganon and form an enormous army. Then, I shall rule the galaxy.” He pushed a lever on his chair. Mechanical devices fitted his chair up with all sorts of cannons and an army tank. “Let Eggplant and Hippo go on paid vacation forever. Better yet, I’ll let them retire. Ha, ha, ha!”

* * *

In their room, Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo were packing their bags. “Paid vacation for a week,” Eggplant Wizard said. “Where shall we go? What shall we do?”

“Frankly, my dear Eggplant—wait, I know. We can steal the Triforces for Prince Ludwig.”

“What about Zelda and Link?”

“We’ll fix them.”

* * *

MotherBrain arrived in the control room. Her grotesque yawn was interrupted only when she saw Ludwig in full war regalia. “Oh, Ludwig! What is going on? You look like you’re ready for battle.”

Ludwig laughed. “Zelda and Link have finally turned off the alarm on the Triforces.”

MotherBrain laughed. “I’ll only be a second, dear.” She pressed a button on the wall. She was fitted with all kinds of cannons and a battle tank. “Those two potato-heads of ours could never do anything right. Let’s go. General MotherBrain—”

“—and Admiral Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa—”

“—are taking command!” they finished together. They left through the warp to Hyrule.