Act 17 -
Dates: 21-22 July 1992
Section
2: The
Part
2: Perry Mason in The Case of the Tetris
Puzzler
Chapter
5: True Justice is Served
Characters: Mario-Team, N‑Team Base, Mason-Team,
Brain-Team Base
July 21.
Control
Room, Metroid.
|
L |
udwig soon
arrived in Metroid’s control room with Agahnim.
“Well, how did it go?” MotherBrain asked.
“It went
quite well, until the N‑Team showed up and royally ruined my fun.”
“Those
Nuisance-Twerps always show up where
they’re not wanted.”
“Yes, I’m
beginning to discover that. I sure fried
Link out of his gills, though.”
“Good for
you. Hee, hee!”
* * *
Kid Icarus’s Cell, Brinstar, Metroid.
Deeper within
the twists and turns of the planet Metroid, Kid Icarus was trapped deep in the
dungeon in Brinstar by a Waver. “You
will never get out of this cell, Kid Icarus,” the Waver said.
“You
idiot,” Kid Icarus said. “I bet I could
beat you with my eyes closed.”
“Oh,
yeah? Then just try it.”
“Okay,” Kid
Icarus replied in Spanish. He closed his
eyes, went to the barred dungeon door, turned around, and beat the magical
Waver up so badly with his wings that the creature disintegrated into a pile of
worthless video dust. “What were you
saying?” Giggling, he took out his spare
arrow, used it to pick the lock right outside the cell, and opened the door.
Unfortunately,
the alarm sounded right away. “Uh,
oh. I’d better get my bow and arrows and
get out of here‑icus.” He got his
bow and arrows and left the cell. The
ceiling of the hallway leading out was lined with Skrees. “Skrees.
I have to time this shot just right.”
He fired an arrow and destroyed a line of Skrees on the ceiling, one
after the other. “Yes.”
He knew
that there were not only a large number of tunnels in Metroid. MotherBrain has also set up five collections
of tunnels, each representing a path.
The five routes only had two points in common between all of them: Ridley’s lair and MotherBrain’s lair. The largest two went through Norfair, the hot
zone; Crateria, the surface zone; Brinstar, the rocky and forested zone;
Maridia, the watery zone; and Tourian, MotherBrain’s command center. The larger of these two tunnels allowed
surface access. It proved fortunate for
Kid Icarus that he was in the smallest collection of tunnels, for it offered a
rather straight shot from Norfair to central Tourian. Its only deviation was a path to Kraid’s lair
in Brinstar. This path came before
Ridley’s lair.
Soon, Kid
Icarus arrived in Kraid’s lair. The
enormous beast roared as the small archer entered. “Uh, oh.
Kraid!” Kraid fired missiles from
his stomach. Kid Icarus dodged and then
fired a Wave Beam Arrow Set. This formed
a continuous wave pattern of fifteen arrows, which penetrated and destroyed
Kraid. “Fixed you, you overgrown
spike-brain.”
He
continued through the twisting tunnels of Metroid. Finally, he reached Ridley’s lair. It was not Ridley who was lying in wait, but
a cheap imitation. However, Kid Icarus
did not know this. “Ridley.”
“That’s
what they call me,” the impostor said.
“So long, Kid Shrimpicus.” He
fired fireballs at Kid Icarus.
“I’d better
steer clear of these fireballs.” He
dodged Ridley’s fireballs easily.
“There. It’s safe under this
platform.” Kid Icarus went under
Ridley’s platform. From there, he fired
his Wave Beam Arrow Set upward. It
phased to pass through the platform, and it destroyed the imitation. “Ya‑hoo‑icus. I’m nearing MotherBrain’s lair. Good thing I have plenty of Ice Beam Arrows
and Missile Arrows.”
He
continued through the brain-shaped Metroid.
After a long climb, he struck the road to Tourian, where MotherBrain’s
lair was. When he arrived in Tourian, he
came upon a Metroid. “Uh, oh. Ice Arrows, do not fail me now.” He fired several Ice Arrows and froze the
Metroid solid. With the knowledge that
the ice would melt soon, Kid Icarus moved along. He froze each Metroid he encountered with an
Ice Arrow and moved along. After a
while, he entered the final corridor before MotherBrain. After destroying the Rinkas and Zebetites
with Missile Arrows and flying clear of projectiles, at last, he reached
MotherBrain’s lair. “I’ve done it. I’ve made it through.” The door opened, and he saw MotherBrain and
the Koopa family.
“Not
quite,” MotherBrain said. “Welcome, Kid
Icarus.”
“MotherBrain.”
“If a
little squirt like you can make it through Metroid, my defense systems must be
in dire need of improvement. I
appreciate your help in testing them, Kid Icarus. King Hippo, escort the Kid to the prison in
Norfair.”
“No,
thanks,” Kid Icarus said. He began
firing his Missile Arrows all over the place.
MotherBrain
shrieked. “Stop him.”
“Come here,
Kid Shrimpicus,” King Hippo said.
“My
punching bag arrow will stop you, King Hippo‑cus,” said Kid Icarus. “You’ve beaten me up a dozen times, so it’s
my turn.” He fired his punching bag
arrow at King Hippo. When it got in
front of King Hippo, it turned into a punching bag.
“Thanks. I just love to punch punching bags.”
“Well,
you’ll find that this one is a real
knock-out‑icus.”
King Hippo
wound up his fist in preparation to punch it.
Before he could do so, however, the bag began to punch him repeatedly in
the face. “Get me out of here.” Paying no heed to where he was going, he ran
all over the place with the punching bag punching him in the face.
“Hey,
stop,” Eggplant Wizard whined. He barely
got out of the way before King Hippo barreled past.
Kid Icarus
noticed an optical disk on a table.
“Hey, what is this disk?”
“No,”
Ludwig said. “Don’t touch that.”
“I’ll just
take it to the
“Do not
take that disk, Kid Icarus.”
“Sorry,
Ludwig. I can, so I shall.” He flew into the warp zone to the
“Bring back
that tape.”
MotherBrain
turned to their minions. “You four dumb
excuses for servants.”
“Us?”
Mouser asked innocently.
“You, King
Hippo, Try-Clyde, and Koopa-Troopa. Why
did you fools not grab that angel?”
As the
punching bag continued to smack him in the face, King Hippo screamed. “Help!
Get this thing away from me.”
King Hippo collided with and knocked over Ludwig.
“You fool,”
Ludwig said.
MotherBrain
grabbed the punching bag with her right tentacle and squeezed the air out of
it. “Shut up, you dumb
hippopotamus.” She helped Ludwig up with
her left tentacle.
“Thank you,
my dear MotherBrain.”
King Hippo
sighed. “Thank you very much,
MotherBrain.”
MotherBrain
snatched King Hippo up with her tentacles.
“You are to apologize to Ludwig right now.”
“I’m sorry,
Ludwig. I didn’t mean to run over you.”
“That’s
better, King Hippo.” She dropped King
Hippo on his rear. “Now, let’s stop
fooling around.”
“Yes,”
Ludwig said. “Some of us have important
things to do. If the N‑Team plays
that disk, our plan for Captain N’s expulsion from the N‑Team is sunk.”
“Do not
worry,” said MotherBrain. “I shall fix
them.”
Wendy came
in. “That blasted little N‑Twerp. I saw him on my mirror-monitor. Let’s have Simon cream him.”
“An
excellent idea, Wendy, my beauty empress.”
MotherBrain, Wendy, and Ludwig watched on their monitor as Kid Icarus
entered the
* * *
Throne Room,
Kid Icarus
jetted into the throne room from the warp hall.
“Your High‑nicus.”
“Kid
Icarus,” Lana said. “Oh, thank goodness
you’re safe.”
“Yes. Safely out of Metroid.”
Perry
Mason,
“That Larry
and his brother, Roy, captured me at the top of
“That tape
could prove to be someone’s undoing,” Della said.
* * *
Control Room, Metroid.
Ludwig’s
ire grew as he watched the happenings in the
“I’m sorry,
Your Highness. I forgot.”
“I’m
beginning to seriously question your competence. Maybe next time, you’ll remember that failure
brings punishment, like this.” He fried
King Hippo with his scepter. The fat
boxer screamed. Soon, Ludwig halted the
punishment. “Now, listen to me. I want you to go into the Palace Jail and
free Eggplant Wizard.”
“Why should
I free that stupid vegetable?”
Ludwig’s
eyes began glowing, literally. “Did you forget your punishment so soon?” He readied his scepter to shoot King Hippo
once again.
The boxer
screamed. “Okay.” King Hippo ran into the warp zone to the
Palace Jail.
His eyes
smoldering, Ludwig put his scepter away.
“I’m tempted to let the N‑Team keep both of them.”
* * *
Palace Jail,
In the
Palace Jail, Eggplant Wizard was serving time.
He heard a warp open and someone emerge.
“Who’s there?”
King Hippo
came to the door. “It’s me, King Hippo.”
“What are
you doing here?”
King Hippo
took Eggplant Wizard’s Veggie‑wand from the wall and turned the barred
door of Eggplant Wizard’s cell to worthless string beans. As the string beans fell to the floor, the
alarms went off “What does it look like
I’m doing, you idiot? Now let’s go.”
Samus ran
into the room. “What’s going on down
here?”
“What does
it look like? I’m granting Eggplant
Wizard an early parole.”
“Yeah, you
space hunter,” Eggplant Wizard said.
“Why don’t you go out and hunt space?”
He laughed.
“Hold it
right there,” said Samus, aiming for King Hippo. Eggplant moved out of his cell. “Stop.”
She fired a stun beam from her Spazer Laser to stop Eggplant. He used his Veggie‑wand to turn the
three beams into room-temperature peas, which fell harmlessly to the ground.
The
humanoid vegetable laughed. “Now, I’ll turn
you into an eggplant.” He shot an
eggplant at Samus, and when it hit her, she became an eggplant.
“What have
you done to me?” demanded Samus.
“I’ve put
you under my Eggplant Curse, so now all of your beams are literally
pea-shooters.” As he laughed again,
Princess Peach and Luigi entered.
“Eggplant
Wizard and King Hippo,” Luigi said. He
scratched his head. “Eh, wasn’t Eggplant
Wizard in a cell?”
“Yes, and
now I am putting the two of you under the Eggplant Curse.” Eggplant Wizard fired two eggplants. One hit Luigi and the other hit Princess
Peach, and both were turned to humanoid eggplants.
Peach
screamed. “Now I am a vegetable.”
“You will
pay for this, Eggplant Wizard,” Luigi said.
“Okay, here
are some carrot-coins.” Laughing, Eggplant
Wizard tossed several carrots in the shape of coins in front of the two. “It’s been fun eggplanting you, but King
Hippo and I really must go. MotherBrain
will fry us if we stay here too long.”
Eggplant Wizard made a broccoli-warp to Metroid. King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard entered and
took the warp to MotherBrain’s control room.
* * *
Control Room, Metroid.
With glee,
MotherBrain listened to the report that Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo
gave. “Excellent. Now Samus, Luigi, and Princess Fungus are
eggplants.” She laughed wickedly.
“Good
work,” said Ludwig.
Eggplant
Wizard bowed with ingratiation. “Thank
you, Your Most Extremist Royal Nasty Koopaness.”
Ludwig sat
in the new chair in front of his computer console. “Watch it, Eggplant Wizard. When I want my feet licked, I shall ask. This is the last time the N‑Team will throw a monkey-wrench into our wicked
plans.” He got out his radio. “Attention, my fellow Koopalings. It’s air-raid time. Activate the new cloaking devices on your
Doomships, and warp to the Palace. I
will give the order to decloak only when I arrive in the flagship.” By his special tachyon-detection device,
Ludwig saw his siblings’ Doomships warp into position above the
* * *
Throne Room,
Within the
“He
certainly does,” Lana said.
“You’d
better call for an appeal as soon as possible, Perry,” Burger said. “I won’t stand in your way.”
“That’s
what I’m planning to do,
“What’s
that?” Zelda asked.
“It’s the
air-raid alarm,” Lana said. They all
went out onto the balcony.
“There
appears to be nothing out here,” said Captain N. He looked at a panel. “The ships are equipped with cloaking
devices. A ploy used by the Klingon and
Romulan ships in Star Trek. I bet it’s
that Brain-Team.”
The six
Doomships decloaked. MotherBrain’s could
be heard echoing through the air. “You
are too right, Kevin. Unfortunately,
you’re also too late.”
Mario came
out onto the balcony. “I came as soon as
I heard the air-raid alarm.” He
gasped. “The Doomships of Koopa! What is the leadership of the Koopa Fleet
doing out here?”
“Oh, we
were just going to do a teeny bit of damage,” Bowser said, “such as destroying
that hunk of metal and marble that you Nit‑wit-Teamsters call the
“You will
never destroy this castle with those chunks of wood you call Doomships,
Koopa-Stoopa,” said Lana.
“So, you do
not realize how powerful these chunks of wood are, eh?” Ludwig asked. “King Hippo, ready the sweeps and the long
nines, and fire at will.”
“Uh,
there’s no Will to fire at,” King Hippo said.
“Can I fire at Kevin or Mario instead?”
“Yes, you
can aim at Kevin or Mario. Just fire the
cannons already!”
“Okay, Your
Lowness.” King Hippo laughed. Suddenly, a bevy of Bullet Bills was sent to
bombard the
The balcony
quaked under the barrage. “They don’t
know the meaning of fair play,” Lana said.
“Oh, we
know the meaning of it,” Larry said. “We
just don’t do it.” He laughed.
“Yeah,”
“You vile
villains,” Mario said.
Luigi,
Princess Peach, and Samus entered the room.
“What’s happening?” Samus asked.
“We’re
under the Koopas’ aerial assault.” Mario
looked at the three and recoiled. “What
happened to you three?”
“Eggplant
Wizard escaped and put his Eggplant Curse on us, thanks to King Hippo,” Luigi
said.
“I came as
soon as I heard the air-raid alarm,” said Kid Icarus. “Is that the Koopa Fleet?”
“You bet,
fly-boy-icus,” Wendy said.
“Yeah,”
said Lemmy. “And now that you have
showed that tape to the others, we are going to destroy your worthless
“Yeah, and
I have just the thing,” Iggy said. “A
bunch of my enormous Two‑ton Bouncing Beach Balls.” As Iggy laughed, ten Two‑ton Bouncing
Beach Balls were released from the Doomship of Lemmy and Iggy. The balls smashed some of the casing off the
floating rooms.
“This was
only a demonstration,” Ludwig said. “You
have ten minutes to surrender. If you
surrender, your palace will remain standing.
If you do not, we shall reduce it to nothing. This is Prince Ludwig, signing off.”
“What can
we do?” asked Lana.
“We need
someone to infiltrate Ludwig’s Doomship and deactivate it and the other
Doomships,” Mario said.
“I’ll
volunteer,” Kid Icarus said. “Princess
Peach, Luigi, and Samus, to change back to normal, you will have to go to
“That’s the
best news I’ve heard all day,” Luigi said.
“Let’s go!” He, Princess Peach,
and Samus all entered the warp to
Kid Icarus
headed for the warp zone to Ludwig’s Doomship.
“Hey,” called Mario. “Hang
on! I’m coming with you.”
“Okay,” Kid
Icarus said. “What about the rest of
you?”
“We’ll
manage here,” Zelda said.
“Yes,”
Kevin said. “We have to get everyone out
of the Palace and to safety.”
“Okay. Good luck.”
Kid Icarus and Mario warped to the Doomship of Ludwig von Koopa.
* * *
Deck of Ludwig von Koopa’s Doomship.
Mario and
Kid Icarus emerged on the deck of the ship.
They traversed a series of treacherous Bolt Lifts, each of which twisted
around an enormous screw that formed its pathway. If one stayed on a Bolt Lift for more than a
second, one fell off, so they had to keep jumping. When they had passed these, Mario wiped his
brow. “These Bolt Lifts give me the
heebie-jeebies.”
“My bridge
arrow will help us,” said Kid Icarus. He
fired an arrow that made a bridge across a gap.
As Kid Icarus flew across, Mario cautiously walked across, and they arrived
at a warp pipe.
“This warp
pipe will take us down to Ludwig’s command area.”
“Then,
let’s go.” They went down the warp pipe.
“Ow!”
“Are you
okay-icus?”
“Yeah. Luckily, I landed on my rear,” said Mario.
“Mario,
look. We hit the jackpot. We’re in the power room.”
* * *
Control Room, Ludwig’s Doomship.
In Ludwig’s
control room, an alarm sounded. “Oh,
great. There is an intruder on board. Check it out for me, Try-Clyde and
Koopa-Troopa, and get them before they destroy the cloaking device. It’s still experimental.”
“You said
it, Your Rottenness,” said Koopa-Troopa.
“Let’s go, fang-face.”
“All right,
shell-house,” Try-Clyde’s center head said.
They left.
“I borrowed
the cloaking technology from the Romulans in Star Trek. I don’t know exactly
how they made the cloaking devices, but I made experimental ones for the six
Doomships.”
* * *
Back in the
power room, Mario and Kid Icarus were looking for a switch that might black out
all the Doomships. “Mario, this looks
like what we’re trying to find,” Kid Icarus said.
“It says,
‘Master power: all six Doomships.’ Well, there’s one way to find out.” Suddenly, three fireballs passed by his head. “Whoa!
What was that?”
“It’s
Koopa-Troopa and Try-Clyde.”
“I’ll
fireball them.” He powered up with a
Fire Flower. “Time to cook your geese,
you two Koopa freaks.”
Koopa-Troopa
dodged a fireball that Mario sent his way.
“Yow! I’m beating it.” Mario fried him before he could escape.
“All right,
Mario,” Try-Clyde’s left head said.
“We’ll burn
you up this time,” the right head
said. The center head spat a fireball
that hit Mario.
“Oh,
darn. Now my firepower has been burnt
out,” said Mario.
“All right,
you rotten snake‑ious maximus,” Kid Icarus said. “I’ll give you a taste of my oil arrow.”
“Oil arrow?”
Try-Clyde’s center head said. “I’m
beating it.” Kid Icarus fired the oil
arrow into the mouth of the center head before Try-Clyde had finished speaking.
“You fool,”
the right head said. He got you.”
“Yeah, now
you’ve done it,” the left head said. A
loud explosion occurred in Try-Clyde’s body as a result of the oil arrow and
the intense fire created within Try-Clyde’s body. As smoke began blowing out its orifices, the snake
retreated hastily.
“Come on, Kid,” said
Mario. “We’d better turn off that
circuit.” Mario cut off the power
switch. All the Doomships blipped
between being cloaked and being uncloaked seven times. They then became dark and remained dark. “Wow.
I guess that did it.”
* * *
In the
control room of the ship, Ludwig was dissatisfied with the performance of
Koopa-Troopa and Try-Clyde. His
irritation grew as he listened to Try-Clyde’s report. “Blast.
Koopa-Troopa is lucky that Mario fried him before I got the chance.”
“I’m sorry, Your Highness,”
Try-Clyde said.
“I’m going to
avoid the obvious retort. They shorted
out the cloaking devices and deactivated our power. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, I want you
two to get out there and stop those two from escaping. I also want you to turn the power to the
Doomships back on.”
Eggplant
Wizard bowed. “Whatever you say, Your
Monstrous Wickedness.” Eggplant Wizard
and King Hippo left for the power room.
* * *
“Well,”
said Mario, “I guess that’ll do it.”
“Hold it
right there Kid Shrimpicus and Mario the dimwit,” said Eggplant Wizard.
“Eggplant
Wizard and King Hippo‑cus,” Kid Icarus said.
“How
correct you are, you little angel.” King
Hippo laughed. “Squash ’em, Wizard.”
“I’ll do
better than that,” Eggplant Wizard said.
“I’ll turn them into worthless string beans.”
“My
weed-eater arrow will fix that Veggie-wand of yours, Eggplant Wizard,” Kid
Icarus said. He fired his weed-eater
arrow at Eggplant Wizard. The arrow
devoured Eggplant Wizard’s wand.
The wizard
shrieked. “My wand! I hate you, Kid Icarus.”
“It should
have eaten you, you dumb vegetable,” King Hippo said. “All right, Mario. I’m through fooling with you.”
Mario
pulled a large, tasty-looking pretzel from his pocket. “Then, you will not mind having a little
snack,” said Mario.
King
Hippo’s eyes widened in delight. “Food!”
“I saved
this especially for you, King Hippo.”
“Gimme. I want it.”
Mario
handed King Hippo the pretzel. “Here you
go.”
“Yum.” He ate the whole pretzel in seconds. It exploded in his stomach. He belched.
“Yum. Now that is hot and spicy.” Kid Icarus fired his net arrow, which netted
King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard and tossed them into the cockpit. The pair screamed all the way.
* * *
Ludwig
sighed in exasperation as Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo delivered their
report. “I don’t know how you can be so
foolish.”
“Well,
Koopums, what are you waiting for?” Bowser’s mother asked.
“Huh?”
Bowser asked.
“Get out
there with Mouser and beat those two airheads.”
“Why me?”
“ ’Cause I said so. Now
get out there.”
“Okay, okay. I’m going.
Come on, Mouser.”
“Yes, Your
Royal Greenness,” said Mouser, trying his hardest to resist laughing.
* * *
Out in the
power room, Mario was stuffing some old pasta in the power systems. “There.
That ought to keep the Doomships inoperative for a while.”
Kid Icarus
giggled. “It’ll take Ludwig a long time
to fix that.” Hearing a noise, he
turned. “Uh, oh. More troubl‑icus: Bowser Koopa and Mouser.”
“I’ll fix
the two of you,” Mouser said.
Bowser drew
his scepter. “Save your worthless Bob‑ombs,
you foolish idiot. Let a pro handle
this.”
“Temper,
temper, Bowser Koopa,” said Mario.
“What’s the big deal?”
“I’m
rocking you to sleep. In the case of the rocking, it is quite
literal.”
Mario
grabbed the Koopa King’s scepter. “Oh,
no you won’t, you big green cretin.”
“Hey! What the heck are you doing, faucet freak?”
Mario broke
Bowser’s scepter over his knee.
“Oh. Did I break your little
toy? So sorry.”
“Why, you faucet-faced, plunger-pushing pasta
freak! That was my scepter.”
“Calm down,
King Bowser,” Mouser said. “My Bob‑ombs
will blow him into oblivion.”
“My arrows
will de‑fuse those Bob‑ombs of yours,” said Kid Icarus. He fired an arrow at Mouser. When it struck the rodent, it loosed a gray
powder all over him.
The large
mouse yelped. “Hey. I cannot produce Bob‑ombs anymore.”
“Want to
stick around for 24 hours waiting for it to wear off?”
“Yeah,”
Mario said. “In the meantime, I can have
fun squashing you to death.”
Mouser
gulped. “King Bowser—”
“Let’s beat
it, mouse,” said Bowser.
“My
sentiments precisely, Your Royal Wickedness.”
Mouser and Bowser ran back into the control room.
* * *
When Bowser
and Mouser arrived at the control room, Bowser’s mother bashed Bowser in the
head with her purse. “Why, you miserable
excuse for a son. You never do anything correctly.”
“Ouch,”
said Bowser.
“Enough, you two,” Ludwig
said. “Your bloody bickering has gone on
for long enough. I think that you two
can do something better than fight all the time.”
“You heard
him, Mother.”
“No, he
told you,” Bowser’s mother said.
“I told
both of you. Now please be silent.”
“Yes,
Ludwig,” Bowser and his mother both said.
“MotherBrain,
we’ll have to lead the next attack
ourselves,” Ludwig said.
“Absolutely,”
MotherBrain said. “Ridley, Wily, and
ProtoMan, come with us.”
* * *
Out in the power
room, Mario was just about finished stuffing pasta into the power systems. “There, Mario,” said Kid Icarus. “Stuff it in there. That’ll mess up their cloaking devices.”
Mario
crammed old spaghetti in the power box.
“Boy, that hard spaghetti will put pasta sauce in their plans.”
“And we
shall squeeze the spaghetti out of the two of you,” MotherBrain said.
“Oh, no,”
said Kid Icarus. “MotherBrain, Ludwig,
Dr. Wily, ProtoMan, and Ridley.”
“You were
expecting, maybe, Ludwig van Beethoven?” asked Ludwig.
“Let’s see
you handle this, Kid Idiot,” Dr. Wily said.
“My arrows
will give you the point, Dr. Wily.” Kid
Icarus fired an arrow at Dr. Wily. The
arrow passed right through him without stopping or without causing any harm. “They’re holograms.”
“We’re behind
you,” MotherBrain said.
“Or are we
to your right?” Ludwig asked.
“Or to your
left?” asked Wily.
“Or in
front of you?” Ridley asked.
“We could
be anywhere,” the villains said in chorus.
“My
plunger-blaster will fix you,” said Mario.
The plumber shot his plunger-blaster in all directions.
Kid Icarus
dodged one. “Hey. Watch where you’re shooting it.” Dr. Wily cried out.
“Right
there.” Mario fired again in that
direction. This time, the villains came
to light.
“So, you
found us,” MotherBrain said.
“The
question is, can you escape us?” Ludwig asked.
The five fired on the good guys with electric energy from their
respective weapons.
“Their
electric bolts are too hard to dodge,” Mario said.
ProtoMan
laughed. “That’s the point, you
radial-belted fatso.”
“Radial-belted?”
Kid Icarus said. “That’s it. My rubber arrow.” Kid Icarus shot Mario with a rubber arrow and
coated him in rubber. Kid Icarus then
shot himself with a rubber arrow and coated himself. “Rubber and electricity don’t mix.” A bolt hit Mario, but he was unharmed.
“Not so
fast,” cried Ridley.
“Sorry, but
we have an appointment with the beautiful Princess Lana,” said Mario. He and Kid Icarus warped home to the
“Not
again,” said Ludwig. “Fortunately, they
did not do anything the red-alert strategic withdrawal switch.”
“Strategic
withdrawal sounds like a good idea at the moment,” MotherBrain said.
Ridley activated his
radio. “Ridley to all six
Koopalings: Red-alert. Ludwig is effecting a strategic withdrawal
immediately.” Ludwig flipped the
switch. All six Doomships retreated into
a warp zone to Metroid.
* * *
“Hooray!”
Kevin cheered. “The N‑Team did it
again.”
“Yes,
Kevin,” said Lana. “They probably won
because of your game tips.”
“Oh, it was
nothing.”
Mario and
Kid Icarus arrived. “Well, how did we
do?” asked Mario.
“Excellently,”
Zelda said.
“Thank you,
Princess Zelda,” Kid Icarus said. Peach,
Luigi, and Samus, all back to normal, came into the room.
“What a
makeover, dudes,” said Toad.
“Looks like
the Doomships have moved off,” Peach said.
“Thanks to
Kid Icarus, Captain N’s tips, and yours truly, those Koopas decided to warp
home to Metroid,” Mario said. “To tell
the truth, we could’ve used Kevin’s help up there, especially with Ridley,
MotherBrain, Ludwig, ProtoMan, and Dr. W.”
“Speaking
of Metroid, Lana, didn’t we view the Koopas hypnotizing Simon, GameBoy,
MegaMan, and Dr. Wright on that disk?” Kevin asked.
“You’re
right, Kevin,” Lana said. “Someone had
better go over to Metroid and de‑hypnotize them before the Koopas make
them do something terrible.”
“For legal
reasons, I would rather get the trial over with first,” said Mason.
“Court will
begin tomorrow at eight on appeal,” Lana said.
“Good,”
Burger said. “I’m glad that this case
will be coming to a close soon.”
* * *
July 22.
Palace Courtroom,
At 8:00
next morning, the palace courthouse was packed for Kevin’s appeal. “All rise for the honorable Judge Lana,” said
Simon.
As Lana
stepped up to the bench, everyone in the courtroom rose. When she sat, she tapped her gavel. “Court shall come to order.”
King Hippo
raised his hand, but Eggplant Wizard covered his mouth to shut him up.
Burger
stood. “In view of current evidence,
Thine Honor, my esteemed colleague, Mr. Mason, has called for an appeal on the
case of Kevin Keene, formerly as Captain N.”
He held up a disk. “Now,
according to Mr. Mason, this disk that was confiscated legally from the Planet
of SR388 by Kid Icarus will prove without a doubt that Kevin did not commit the
robbery of the
“Dost thou
swear that the testimony thou art about to give is the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth, so help thee God?” Simon asked.
“I do,” Kid
Icarus said.
“Please
state thy name.”
“Kid Pit
Icarus, leader of the Icarus Army of the Kingdom of Mount Icarus, and Queen
Palutena’s personal attaché to Princess Lana of VideoLand.”
“Thou
mayest be seated.” Kid Icarus sat down.
“Now, Kid
Icarus, where didst thou find this disk?”
“I found it
on a table in MotherBrain’s control room on the Planet of SR388.”
“Where wast
thou at the lunch hour on the date of Kevin’s preliminary hearing?”
“I was
working my way up
“So I
understand. What happened? Why didst thou not return with the arrows the
same day?”
“When I
reached the house of Pernicus the arrow-maker, I was abducted by Larry and Roy
Koopa and taken hostage in Metroid, whose official name is the Planet of
SR388.”
“When you
took this disk, what wast thou thinking?”
“I was
thinking that it might clear the defendant.
When I saw its contents, I knew I was correct in my assumption. If you view it in this courtroom, it will
prove what happened.”
“I
see. Can you describe the tape
recording, please?”
“According
to the tape, what happened was that first, King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard,
under order of Her Highness Princess Wendy O. Koopa, stole the
“Thank you
very much, Kid Icarus. Let me introduce
into evidence this fortune cookie fortune, found in Captain N’s bedroom by my
colleague. I should like this introduced
into evidence as Exhibit F.”
“Let me see
that, please,” said Mason.
“Certainly.” Hamilton Burger handed the fortune cookie
fortune to Perry Mason, who examined it for a moment.
“Yes, this
is exactly what we found. We do not
object to this being introduced into evidence.”
“I shall
read this out loud to the court,” Burger said.
“ ‘Your days will be full of banana milkshakes, beating up Kid
Icarus, and being found guilty on the witness stand.’ I should like this marked Exhibit F.”
“It shall
be so marked,” Lana said. Simon marked
the fortune cookie fortune as Exhibit F.
“Continue.”
“I have
finished with direct examination,” said Burger.
“No
questions.”
“I would
like to recall King Hippo to the stand.”
“The
present witness may be excused,” said Lana.
“King Hippo shall take the stand.
I remind thee, King Hippo, that thou art still under oath.” King Hippo took the stand.
“Now, King
Hippo,” began Burger, “I ask thee—”
“Yes, it’s
all true,” interrupted King Hippo in distress.
“I did it. I framed Captain
N. Watch the tape.”
“The
witness will refrain from making any more such outbursts,” Lana said.
“I admit my
guilt.”
“King
Hippo, be silent before thou art held in contempt.” King Hippo promptly closed his mouth.
Ludwig
stood. “Pardon me, Thine Honour, but if
I might be recalled to the stand, I could clarify a few matters in a more
dignified fashion.” Lana dismissed King
Hippo, and soon Ludwig sat on the stand.
“I shall commit perjury no longer, since one can disprove it with that
tape. I did frame Captain N.”
“Is there
any specific reason?” Burger asked.
“Yes, Mr.
Burger. As such a strong member of the N‑Team,
Captain N threatens the very existence of the Brain-Team, of which I am
considered head in dual capacity with MotherBrain. I freely admit my evilness. I may even be extremely unkind, but the only
thing that I would not do is to commit murder without cause. I may kill in self-defense, and I might
commit any degree of murder, but I need some sort of reason. Fortunately, I saw no reason to destroy
Captain N’s life.”
“I see,”
said Burger. He turned to Lana. “Permission to treat as a hostile witness.”
“Granted,”
Lana said before the words were out of Burger’s mouth.
“So thou
just wantedest Captain N out of the way, so to speak, so that thou and thy
colleagues might rule VideoLand?”
“Exactly. Believe me, it would have ruined our plan to
get Captain N off the N‑Team if Kid Icarus had gotten that
truth-arrow. Unfortunately, taking him
into custody was twice as bad, since he brought the N‑Team that disk.”
“I
see. Thy witness, Mr. Mason.”
“No
questions,” Mason said. He wanted to
drag a few more skeletons out of Ludwig’s closet, but cross-examining Ludwig
was not the time to do it.
“The
witness may step down,” Lana said.
Ludwig went over to his seat.
“Now, Thine
Honour, I require the use of the disk projector,” said Burger. Bailiff Simon pressed a button that brought
out the hologram projector. Hamilton
Burger put the disk into the player. The
whole courtroom was shown the actual crime:
that this frame‑up had been set up by the infamous Ludwig. “That proves that the defendant is not
guilty. I move that the charges be
dropped, Thine Honor.”
“I second
this motion, Thine Honor,” Mason said.
“For once, Mr. Burger has agreed in helping me to clear my client. I thank Mr. Burger for his cooperation. However, I should like that he bring charges
against the ones who created this Case of the Tetris Puzzler, all of the members
of the Brain-Team, who, in their short time as the Brain-Team, have harassed
the entire Kingdom of VideoLand and Kingdom of the Mushroom World.”
“I agree
wholly with Mr. Mason, Thine Honor. I
request that Lieutenant Arthur Tragg be allowed to take them into custody at
once.”
“Your
request is granted,” Lana said.
“Lt.
Tragg?” said Burger.
Tragg
stood. “Yes, Mr. Burger.”
“You’ll
never take us alive,” Ludwig said. The
whole Brain-Team ran into a warp to Metroid.
The warp closed before Tragg could reach them.
“I gladly
rule that the defendant is not guilty.”
Lana brought down her gavel.
“Court is adjourned.” Everyone
arose as she exited.
“I knew you
could do it, Mr. Mason,” Kevin said.
“Thank you,
Kevin,” said Mason. “It helped that Mr.
Burger did not try to make it look worse for you.”
“Well,
Perry, I did not want our friend to be out of the N‑Team forever,” Burger
said. “It may have been my job to
prosecute, but I shall not prosecute if I know with proof that the defendant is
not guilty. It is my job, anyway, to
protect the interests of the kingdom, and what I did was that. Take care, Kevin.”
“I’ll try,
Mr. Burger,” Kevin said.
“Mega-good
for you, Captain N,” MegaMan said. “I
knew that you were not guilty.”
Princess
Lana emerged in her regular state of dress.
“Kevin, here are your Power Pad and Zapper back.” She fastened the Power Pad and Zapper Belt
around Kevin’s waist.
“Thank you,
everyone,” Kevin said. “Especially you,
Mr. Burger, for your uncommon cooperation.”
“Although I
am a prosecutor, being convinced is being convinced,” Burger replied. “Since you and your parents are friends of
mine, I could not stand to see you punished for a crime you did not commit.”
“That tape
also showed the fact that Ludwig hypnotized Simon, GameBoy, MegaMan, and Dr.
Wright,” Kid Icarus said. “What shall we
do?”
“Only one
thing to do,” Kevin said. “Burst into
the Planet of SR388—I mean, ah, Metroid—and destroy their hypnosis machine.”
“An
admirable thought, Kevin, but
Burger
lifted the machine out of Ludwig’s bag. “Ah.
This looks like the hypnosis machine.”
“Let Dr.
Wright see it,” said Kevin.
Dr. Wright
scanned the machine. “Yes, this is a
hypnosis machine. It can hypnotize
anyone within one billion quintillion light-years within seconds. That Ludwig is a fiendish genius.
Press the first four buttons to release the hypnosis from MegaMan,
Simon, GameBoy, and me.” Burger did
so. After a couple of seconds of crazy
sounds, MegaMan, Simon, GameBoy, and Dr. Wright were free of the hypnosis.
“These
things are too mega-dangerous,” MegaMan said.
“Let’s destroy them before Ludwig gets his hands on them.”
Ludwig’s
voice filled the room. “You will not
destroy all of my inventions.” All of
Ludwig’s inventions, except the hypnosis inducer, were warped to Metroid. “But I leave the hypnosis inducer to you.”
“Let Simon
Belmont handle this device,” Simon said.
He put the device on a table in front of him and smashed it with his
whip.
“Way to go,
Simon,” Kevin said.
“Simon
Belmont shall not shirk his duty as a hero.”
“Let’s get
back to the throne room,” Lana said.
* * *
Throne Room,
Later,
Perry Mason and the other new arrivals were preparing to depart. “Are you sure that you have to go back, Mr.
Mason?” Kevin said.
“For a
short while, Kevin,” Perry Mason said.
“I shall see about retiring and moving here.”
“I’ve
already retired from the Los Angeles D.A. office once, and this coming time, it
will be permanent,” Burger said. “With
your permission, Princess Lana, I shall move out here.”
“Of
course,” Lana said. “You don’t need my
permission. In fact, I would appreciate
you moving out here. If any such case
comes about again, we‘ll need lawmen of your skill. If you do move here, Mr. Burger, I’ll
consider appointing you to be the chief prosecuting officer, VideoLand’s
equivalent of attorney general, a position that has not been occupied since
MotherBrain began oppressing the kingdom.
Whether you accept, of course, is your decision. Any or all of you can move out here to
VideoLand if you like.”
“Thank you,
Your Highness,” said Tragg. “We’ll see
all of you later.” Perry, Della, Paul,
Hamilton, and Lt. Tragg went into a temporary warp that had been opened to Perry’s office.
* * *
Soon, they
emerged from Mason’s office building in
“I intend
to call up Kevin’s parents,” Mason said.
“Whether they think that I’m bonkers or not, I feel that it’s my duty to
tell them the truth. If they don’t
believe me, they can come to VideoLand with me and see for themselves.”
“You know,
Perry, Kev’s parents may want him to come back to Earth with them,” Della said.
“Oh, I have
an instinct about these things.”
“And what
does your instinct tell you about this?” Drake asked.
“I think
that they will leave it up to Kevin to decide.
If not, then that’s that. They
will either tell him to stay in VideoLand or to come back to down to Earth.”
“Down to
Earth. Very funny, Perry. Well, I’d better get to my office and break
the news. Paul should know about this.” Drake was referring to his son, who was also
named Paul. He refrained from calling
his son ‘Junior,’ which embarrassed the younger Paul no end.
“Good
thinking, Paul. I’ll call Kevin’s
parents.”
“I’m going
to move to VideoLand,” Burger said.
“What about you, Perry?”
“I shall,
too. Let’s get packing.” Everyone departed the building. Perry and Della drove over to Kevin’s home in
Northridge, in northwestern
* * *
At Kevin’s parents’
home, Perry told the absolute truth to Kevin’s parents. As he expected, they both looked rather
amazed. Both of the
“It’s
true. You can come to VideoLand with me
yourself.”
“It may
seem quite odd, but that is the most convincing explanation I’ve ever heard,
dear,” said Edward, Kevin’s brown-haired father. His closest friends called him Ned. “Let’s go with Perry and see for ourselves.”
“Fine.”
“Good,”
said Mason. “I think that you will like
Her Highness.” The doorbell rang.
“Who’s
there?” asked Ned.
“It is
Hamilton Burger and Paul Drake.”
“Come in.”
Drake and
Burger entered the house. “Good
afternoon,” Drake said.
“Hello,
Paul,
“Hello,”
Burger said.
MotherBrain’s
hologram appeared. “Hello!” Her sudden appearance shocked Ned and Cheryl.
“MotherBrain,
get your hologram out of here before I call Kevin and ask him to remove it
himself,” Mason said.
“I just
called to give Mr. and Mrs. Keene my regards.
Yes, I am the delightfully disgusting, evil MotherBrain against whom
your son fights valiantly. If you will
kindly proceed to remove him from VideoLand permanently, my villainous stepson
and I shall proceed to take over the whole universe.”
“The
universe is a large place, MotherBrain.”
“And we
have large plans.”
“Is your
marriage to King Bowser Koopa legal?” Burger asked. “If it isn’t—”
“Why, it is
indeed, Ham Burger. Paul Drake, why do
you not consider a career as a duck?
Perry Mason, tell your secretary to rename herself
As
MotherBrain laughed, Ludwig’s hologram appeared next to her. “I must advise you good people against coming
out to VideoLand. If you do, MotherBrain
and I must regrettably see to it that your heads get a proper removal.”
“Kevin and
his friends will see that you do not do so, Ludwig von Koopa,” Mason said.
“That may
be. And please, call me Prince Ludwig,
Mr. Mason. I am legally a prince, you
know.”
“In
VideoLand, most certainly. Technically,
“Yes, this
is true. I shall have to amend that.”
“Why do you
not take a long walk off a short pier, Perry Mason?” MotherBrain asked.
“If you are
prosecuted, MotherBrain, I’ll see to it that I do not defend you,” Mason said.
“Do as you
wish, Mason. Stay down to Earth or face
the consequences, vile do‑gooders.”
MotherBrain’s and Ludwig’s holograms disappeared at the same time.
Cheryl
shivered. “Those two give me the
creeps.”
“That’s
because they are,” Drake said.
“Do not
worry,” Mason said. “Her Highness,
Princess Lana, knows how to handle MotherBrain.”
“That huge cerebrum
looks somewhat like the one in the game Metroid,”
Cheryl said.
“Well,
Cheryl, she certainly is. And she is
extremely dangerous. But that won’t stop
us from going to see your son.”
“Certainly
not,” Ned said. “Let’s go do that.” They all left.