15--RMWVL, Part 2, Ch.3

July 19.

Control Room, Tourian, Metroid, VideoLand.

endy was anxiously awaiting the transfer of her brain into Princess Peach Toadstool’s body. She paced around in front of the princess, who was bound against a wall. “Soon, my superior brain will be implanted into your inferior body, Princess Low‑life,” Wendy said.

“Do not count your mushrooms before they are sautéed,” Ludwig said. “I must get the invention done first, my dear sister, and the best place to do this operation is in KongoLand.”

“You’ll have to catch me first!” said Princess Peach. She finished secretly untying her bonds and ran into the nearest warp zone.

Wendy screamed. “Stop that two-bit princess before she gets away.”

“Calm down, Wendy,” Ludwig said. “That warp zone leads to KongoLand. That’s where we want to go.”

“Quite clever, big brother.”

Ludwig heard a beep. “Ah. My electronic manufacturer is ready for transportation.” He went over to a table, where a briefcase came up. “Voilà! Instant traveling kit for my electronic manufacturer. Let’s get to KongoLand.”

“I’d better stay here. Mouser. Try-Clyde. Koopa-Troopa. Fall in.” Mouser, Try-Clyde, and a yellow Koopa-Troopa came up.

“Yes, my main Koopa?” the Koopa-Troopa said. He whacked himself in the head with his hand, having intended to salute King Bowser, and fell on his back.

“You idiot,” said MotherBrain. “Get up.” The Koopa-Troopa obeyed.

“Ludwig, Wendy, Hippo, Wily, ProtoMan, Eggplant, and I are going to KongoLand,” said MotherBrain. “Bowser wants you three bean-brains to help him keep watch over Metroid.”

“Keep watch over Metroid, huh?” Try-Clyde’s right head said.

“Well, I have a watch,” the left head said. “It works, too. We can keep it over Metroid.”

Ludwig sighed. “She means that Dad wants you of unfortunately tiny brains to stay here and make sure that Princess Lana and the other goody-two-shoes do not get too much information if they come here with a search warrant. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Prince L.,” Mouser said.

“In that case, let’s get going,” said MotherBrain. She, Ludwig, Wendy, Eggplant, Hippo, ProtoMan, and Wily went into the warp to KongoLand.

* * *

KongoLand, VideoLand.

Peach was hiding behind a tree near the warp. Oh, no. They followed me. I must get away. Before they spotted her, she ran.

“Eggplant, Hippo, I want you two to search the area to find that two-bit princess before she gets away,” Wendy said. “And I mean immediately!”

“Yes, Princess Wendy,” said Eggplant Wizard. “We’ll find her.” Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo started their search. Ludwig, ProtoMan, and Dr. Wily set up the electronic manufacturing kit.

“Good,” Ludwig said. “Now, Wily, input the number from this sheet of paper.” Ludwig wrote a number that he had memorized on a sheet of paper and handed it to Dr. Wily. As Ludwig worked on something else, Dr. Wily typed the number on the electronic manufacturing kit’s screen and pressed the ‘ENTER’ key. “Once Eggplant and Hippo find the princess, your plan will be complete, Wendy.”

“Oh, thank you, Ludwig.” She kissed his hand several times.

“Whatever my sweetly demented sister wants, my sweetly demented sister gets.”

Off in the distance, King Hippo’s scream came clearly. “Get your tomato out of my face, Egg-Breath.”

“Sorry,” Eggplant Wizard’s voice said pitifully.

Peach laughed in mockery. “I outwitted you. Now I’ll get the N‑Team out here to round all of you up.” King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard ran back to Ludwig’s area.

“How could you let her get away?” Ludwig demanded.

“This dumb eggplant’s tomatoes hit my face.”

“You stupid blimp,” Eggplant Wizard retorted. “It wasn’t my fault. How was I supposed to know that Princess Peach had on a tomato-bounce-back-bra?”

Ludwig turned away and rolled his eyes. He resisted commenting on how ridiculous such a garment would be.

“Why, why—oh, why, you two did something correctly without knowing it,” said MotherBrain.

“Don’t kill—” Eggplant Wizard began. “What did you say?”

“They did?” ProtoMan asked.

“Yes, ProtoMan. If the N‑Team comes out here, I can switch my brain with Lana’s.”

Dr. Wily turned away from everyone before he allowed the dread to manifest itself in his face. Not again.

* * *

Slightly later, in another part of KongoLand, the N‑Team arrived with a tracker: Kevin’s dog, Duke. He sniffed the ground. “That’s it, Duke,” said Lana. “Sniff out their trail.”

“I’m glad that I got GameBoy’s batteries recharged,” MegaMan said. “It took a long time, and the charge is beginning not to last so long. Dr. Wright’s been studying the schematics, but he doesn’t know how to make batteries to fit GameBoy’s design.”

“Doesn’t sound good,” Lana said.

“No, it mega-doesn’t.” The ground began to rumble. “Uh, oh. It’s—”

“Danger. Danger. Donkey Kong,” GameBoy alerted.

“Oh, no,” Mario said. “Not that big ape.” Donkey Kong approached and grabbed GameBoy.

“He grabbed GameBoy,” Luigi said. “He’s carrying him away.”

“Oh, no,” said Peach.

* * *

A little later, Ludwig finished up his invention. “Here it is: my Brain-Changer,” said Ludwig. “It can transfer the brains of two or more people. Just place the brain-cap like so—” He put the large top on King Hippo’s head. “—place one or more electromagnetic brain-leads like so—” He fastened one of the suction cups connected to the top on Eggplant Wizard’s head. “—and press the button.” Ludwig pressed the button on the top. Eggplant Wizard’s brain went into King Hippo’s body, and King Hippo’s into Eggplant Wizard’s.

“Give me back my brain before I duke you,” Hippo said within Eggplant’s body.

“I don’t have your brain,” Eggplant said within Hippo’s body. “You have my body. Boy, do I feel fat and gross.” Ludwig pressed the button again.

“Oh, that feels much more secure,” Eggplant Wizard said, now in his own body again. “My body feels much better than a dumb hippo.”

“Speak for yourself. It sure feels better to be a fat slob again,” said King Hippo.

MotherBrain laughed. “Excellent. Now, let’s get going on my motorboat.”

* * *

A short while later, MotherBrain was cruising on her motorboat along the Floating River. She was carrying Dr. Wily, ProtoMan, Ludwig, and Wendy in her tentacles and the Brain-Changer on top of her jar. Meanwhile, Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo were riding on a dinky raft tied behind. Their screams pierced the air.

“Settle down,” said Ludwig. “We must find those princesses before they get away.”

The trip ended swiftly as Donkey Kong picked up MotherBrain’s jar. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo were sent flying into a tree, and MotherBrain accidentally dropped ProtoMan, who landed on the ground. “Let go of us, you overgrown primate,” MotherBrain said.

“We are going to be food for a gorilla,” Wily wailed.

“I’m too beautiful to die,” Wendy said.

“Donkey Kong, you idiot. We’re supposed to be allies. Let us go,” said MotherBrain. Suddenly, several brain-leads connected GameBoy, Ludwig, Wendy, Dr. Wily, MotherBrain, and Donkey Kong. “Oh, no. Now I remember why I had doubts about this plan. We’ve enacted something similar before.”

“I’m so grateful that you remembered,” Wily snapped.

“If we don’t get them away from that big ape, they could get hurt,” Eggplant Wizard said.

“I’ll do something about it,” King Hippo said.

“No, King Hippo,” yelled ProtoMan. “Don’t!”

King Hippo grabbed a coconut and tossed it, aiming to hit Donkey Kong but hitting the Brain-Changer’s switch instead. “Oops. Bad aim.”

“Oh, no,” Wendy shrieked. “You fool. You pressed the Brain-Changer switch.” Donkey Kong’s captives shrieked as the Brain-Changer’s energies went to work.

Lana, Peach, MegaMan, Duke, Mario, and Luigi arrived on the scene.

“Donkey Kong still has GameBoy,” said MegaMan.

“He has much more than that, android paesano,” Mario said. “He has MotherBrain, Ludwig von Koopa, Wendy Koopa, and Dr. Wily.”

“No wonder I’m feeling déjà vu,” Lana said. “MotherBrain’s tried a brain-switch plot before.”

“No,” Ludwig cried. “That blasted Donkey Kong is getting my brain.” The brain transfer occurred as follows: Ludwig von Koopa’s brain to Donkey Kong’s body, Donkey Kong’s to Dr. Wily’s, Dr. Wily’s to GameBoy’s, GameBoy’s to MotherBrain’s, MotherBrain’s to Wendy O. Koopa’s, and Wendy O. Koopa’s to Ludwig von Koopa’s.

“Danger,” GameBoy said in MotherBrain’s body. “High amount of positronic energy. Danger.” The grey matter in MotherBrain’s body was now in the form of a massive computer chip.

Donkey Kong’s mind was now in Dr. Wily’s body. After emitting some apish sounds, he hopped away.

Wendy had wound up in Ludwig’s body. She admired her new form with admiration. “Hey! This body is too cool.”

MotherBrain now occupied Wendy’s body. “If it’s possible, I’m even more beautiful now than before.”

Dr. Wily’s mind had been transferred to GameBoy. “Great. I’m trapped in a robot’s body. How terrible.” Dr. Wily’s face was shown on GameBoy’s screen, showing that Wily was in the game robot’s body.

Towering over the rest, Ludwig was now within the great ape Donkey Kong’s body. “Why do I have this sudden craving for a banana split?” He turned to glare at Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. “And why do I feel like throttling two servants whose brains are the size of fleas?”

“Uh, oh,” said Eggplant Wizard. “Something tells me that our goose is cooked.”

“Something tells me that you’re right. Let’s get out of here,” King Hippo said. The pair began running.

“Hold it,” Ludwig said. “Thanks to you, I’ve been trapped inside this hairy body forever. Return immediately.” He put down the others. In whirling around to pursue Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, he inadvertently kicked GameBoy within MotherBrain’s body far away. He chased the pair and grabbed them in his strong hands.

“Good-bye, cruel universe,” said Eggplant Wizard.

Ludwig laughed in amusement. “I scared you, didn’t I?”

“Uh, yeah, Prince Ludwig,” King Hippo said.

“Well, that’s nothing compared to what I’m going to do at the Palace tomorrow.”

“You mean you like being inside Donkey Kong’s body?” Dr. Wily in GameBoy’s body asked as Ludwig returned.

“Definitely. With my powerful brain inside Donkey Kong’s big, powerful body, I am twice what I was before. VideoLand is ours.”

MotherBrain laughed. “This is excellent.” She pointed. “Hey, Ludwig. There’s the N‑Team.”

“Uh, oh,” Lana said. “We’d better get out of here.”

“Right, Your Highness,” MegaMan said. Donkey Kong in Wily’s body jumped up, acting like a real monkey.

Luigi caught him. “Gotcha, Donkey Kong.”

“You guys get out of here,” Mario said. I’ll find GameBoy. I think he’s in MotherBrain’s body. Move it.”

“Let’s go,” said Lana. The N‑Team began running. At a fork in the path, Mario took a different route to find GameBoy.

“Aw, forget them,” said Dr. Wily.

“Yes,” MotherBrain said. “I just love this body.”

“Oh, your love for that body is nothing compared to my love for this one,” Wendy said dreamily. “I am in a man’s body.”

“Just remember, that’s my body,” Ludwig said. “Be careful not to hurt it.”

ProtoMan laughed. “I just got the craziest idea.”

“What is it, Proto?”

“We ought to go back to Metroid and surprise the heck out of the others.”

MotherBrain laughed. “That’s a funny idea, ProtoMan. Let’s go.”

* * *

A short while later, in the less-woody part of KongoLand, Mario found that GameBoy in MotherBrain’s form was hanging off a cliff. “GameBoy! Hold tight. I’ll get you out of there.”

“Holding tight only logical option,” GameBoy said.

Mario took out a super mushroom to grow into Super Mario. Then, he found a long, strong vine. He tied the vine around GameBoy’s jar and pulled as hard as he could, eventually pulling the whole bottle back up to the upper ground level. “There. Now, let’s get back to the Palace of Power.”

* * *

Throne Room, Palace of Power.

The members of the safari to KongoLand explained the situation to the rest of the team. “This is terrible,” Samus said. “How shall we return their respective brains to their normal bodies?”

“With an intensive mental scan, I could find out who each one of them was, but it would take too long,” Dr. Wright said.

MegaMan said, “I made a mental note of who each one was.”

Dr. Wright handed him an electronic padd. “Good. Write down who they were.” With robotic speed, MegaMan correlated which minds were now in which bodies. Then, he returned the padd to Dr. Wright.

“Thank you, MegaMan. This is all I need to reswap their brains back to normal. Of course, it means making a brain-swap device, but I can definitely do it before tonight.”

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

Meanwhile, on the sinister world of Metroid, the group that had gone to KongoLand returned. But it was not the group that Bowser was expecting. “Whoa! Where is Dr. Wily? Where is MotherBrain? What’s this hairy beast doing here?”

What surprised him even more was when MotherBrain’s voice issued from Wendy’s lips. “Oh, that stinking Donkey Kong happened. He is the one in whose big, hairy body Ludwig is trapped. I, MotherBrain, am trapped in Wendy’s body. Wendy is trapped in Ludwig’s body. Donkey Kong is trapped in Dr. Wily’s body. Dr. Wily is trapped in GameBoy’s body. GameBoy is trapped in my body.”

“Oh, my gosh. We must get you four changed back to normal.”

“Not just yet, Father,” Ludwig said. “I plan to stay in this body until we rip the N‑Team to shreds.”

“You know that that’s a rottenly cruel idea, Ludwig,” said Bowser. “And I love it! Ha, ha! Let’s get started.”

Simon Belmont, MegaMan, and Dr. Wright burst into the control room. Dr. Wright had in his hands a new invention. MegaMan had brought GameBoy trapped within MotherBrain’s body, and Simon had Donkey Kong trapped in Wily’s body. “Not if we have anything to say about it,” said MegaMan.

“It’s the N‑Team,” Ludwig said.

“How true, Ludwig,” said Simon.

Dr. Wright pressed a series of ten buttons, the tenth activating the machine. “This will switch back your brains properly.” A display of light and electricity blazed between the bodies of Donkey Kong, Ludwig von Koopa, Wendy Koopa, MotherBrain, and GameBoy.

“Oh, no,” MotherBrain said. “What are you doing?” Within ten seconds, the brain-transfer was complete. All brains were back in their normal bodies.

“Oh, no,” said MotherBrain. “I’m back in this—ooh, this extremely beautiful brain.”

“Great,” Ludwig said. “Eggplant Wizard, entrap them with your vegetable magic.”

“Okay, Dr. Wright,” said Eggplant Wizard. “Here’re tomatoes in your eyes.” Eggplant Wizard hurled tomatoes in Dr. Wright’s eyes, temporarily blinding him. “My string-bean net will hold you, MegaMan and GameBoy.” Eggplant Wizard tossed several string beans in the air.

MegaMan laughed. “Is that supposed to frighten us?” The string beans all magically opened up to form a net, which entrapped MegaMan and GameBoy. “Whoa.”

“Veggie-net appears to be effective,” GameBoy said.

“Okay, Simon. I order you to return to the Palace of Power.”

Simon immediately fell under the influence of Ludwig’s hypnosis. “Yes, Prince Ludwig.”

“Hey. Where are you going, Simon?” asked MegaMan. Simon left. “All right, you mega-rat, what have you done to Simon?”

Ludwig laughed. “I merely placed him under hypnosis with one of my latest machines, the Instant Hypnosis Inducer. With it, I can hypnotize anyone anywhere. For example, suppose I’m on the edge of the galaxy. I can send a potent signal at super hyper-warp speeds and hypnotize someone on the other edge of the galaxy within seconds.”

MegaMan sighed. “All right, Ludwig. You’ve got us. We’re ready to reveal the team’s secrets. What do you want to talk about?”

Ludwig laughed. “Talk, MegaMan? I want you to die. Roy, give me the plasma-ray.”

Roy gave Ludwig the ray gun. “Here you go, Ludwig.”

“The energy of the plasma produced in this ray is so high that the plasma can disrupt a blue star, cut open the planet Mercury, destroy the dense atmosphere of Venus, and so much more.”

“When are you going to French-fry us?” MegaMan asked.

“Oh, a few days. This gun needs some time to prepare for firing. In the meantime, I’m going to hypnotize you three, just like I did Simon Belmont.” Ludwig got his hypnosis machine and hypnotized MegaMan, Dr. Wright, and GameBoy. “I command you three to return to the Palace of Power and act the way you normally act. Simon, I command you to act normally. Now, it is time to return to the Palace.” MegaMan, Dr. Wright, and GameBoy entered the warp zone to the Palace of Power.

* * *

Palace Jail, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

Princess Lana led Perry Mason, Paul Drake, and Della Street into the Palace Jail. “Your client is in here, Mr. Mason.”

“Thank you, Your Highness,” said Mason.

“It helps that you know him.”

“It certainly does. I know that he’s no criminal. Once, I defended him in a murder trial. Turns out he was saved by Duke’s unique testimony.”

“I see. I’ll have to hear about it sometime.” They arrived at cell number 23. “Oh, Kevin.”

Kevin looked up. “Hello, Princess.”

“I was able to acquire you the assistance of a defense barrister.”

“Hello, Kevin,” Perry greeted.

“Mr. Mason! Hello. Boy, am I glad to see you. How are you?”

“Oh, I’m quite well. And you?”

“Fine, considering the circumstances. I just know that someone’s trying to frame me, probably the Brain-Team. This is all I know for sure: when I got back to my room, the Sacred Square of Tetris was in there. I did not steal it.”

“I know that you wouldn’t, Kevin. I’ll do the very best that I can do in court. I looked over this book of law given to me by Princess Lana. It seems that the form of justice and law in VideoLand is 90% similar to the form of justice and law in the United States. Knowing that, I’m sure I can use my legal knowledge to help you.”

“There is also one of the best prosecuting attorneys on this case,” Paul Drake said. “Hamilton Burger.”

“Mr. Burger? Great. He’ll do his darnedest to convict me.”

“Calm down, Kevin,” Mason said. “You know he’s fair. Now, let’s start from the beginning. Tell me everything that has occurred recently concerning the Sacred Square.”

“Well, let’s see. King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard stole the Sacred Square recently, and Prince Lyle told us about it. Someone put a fake Sacred Square in its place. I think that Ludwig had something to do with it, but there’s no evidence. Larry put the key on the ground in front of the Chamber of Tetris, where the Sacred Square is kept. We fell for their trick, and, all of a sudden, I walk into my room and see the Sacred Square lying on my dresser, and Lyle calls us and tells us that the Sacred Square that was in the Chamber of Tetris was a fake. You don’t need to tell me that the fake-square-business makes it seem worse for me.”

“I believe you, Kevin. I should know who the judge is.”

“I am, since the trial is being held in the Palace,” Lana said.

“Why—oh, that’s correct. In the book, it says that unless she is ill or missing, the ruler of VideoLand is to be judge over trials heard in the Court at the Palace of Power. My memory. I would like to draw up some subpoenas for defense witnesses.”

“Namely?”

“Simon Belmont, Prince Lyle, MegaMan, Ludwig, MotherBrain—”

“Excuse me for interrupting, but do you think that Ludwig and MotherBrain would tell the truth under oath on the witness stand?

“Maybe not, but I’ll give it my best shot. Who is the bailiff?”

“Ordinarily, it would be Kevin, but since he is the defendant, it’ll be Simon.”

“Very well. I would also like a search warrant allowing the search of Metroid, Kevin’s bedroom, and the Chamber of Tetris.”

“I don’t know if Mayor Squaresly would approve of a search warrant for the Chamber of Tetris or if it would be safe to do it on Metroid, but I can let you search Kevin’s bedroom without a warrant. If he doesn’t mind, of course.”

“Certainly,” Kevin said. “I don’t mind. The fact that there are no permanent warp zones in my bedroom may incriminate me, but the fact that temporary and permanent warp zones can be created with the use of special formulae may help me.”

“Of course, Kevin,” Mason said. “Do you want Della to stay with you and keep you company?”

“Well, only if you don’t mind,” said Kevin. “To tell the truth, I could use someone from home to talk to.”

“Princess?”

“Go ahead,” Lana said. “There are no criminals in here to worry about.”

“Okay, I’ll stay,” Della said. “Where are you going first, Perry?”

“Paul and I are going into Kevin’s bedroom to seek for anything which may be used as evidence,” said Mason.

“You sure we can search your whole bedroom, Kevin?” Drake asked

“Go ahead, Mr. Drake,” Kevin said. “Search every square millimeter if you have to do so.”

“Thank you,” said Mason. “I hope that we find something of use. See you later, Kevin.”

“See you later, Mr. Mason.”

* * *

Captain N’s Bedroom, Palace of Power.

Lana soon led Perry Mason and Paul Drake into Kevin’s room. “I sure am glad that Kevin keeps his room this clean.”

“His mom wouldn’t believe the state of this room, Princess,” said Mason.

“Why?”

“His bedroom on Earth tended to get in a real mess at times.”

“So I’ve gathered from what he’s told me.”

“Well, this search had better turn up some evidence,” Drake said as he began to look around.

“Here,” said Lana, giving a small device to Mason. “You can use this, Mr. Mason.”

“What is it?” Mason asked.

“It’s a heat-seeking device. It can detect heat left from warp zones that closed hours ago. It isn’t hard to use. Just press the scan button, and it will beep when it finds something.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.” Perry Mason used the device all around the room until he reached where the warp from Metroid had been. Then, the device beeped loudly. “It says that it has been six hours since there was a warp here.”

“It is 17:30 now, so the warp must have been here at 11:30.”

“It says that the warp was from Metroid,” said Mason.

“Well, that is one bit of good news so far,” Drake said.

“Maybe, Paul. It can be introduced as material evidence, according to my handbook. We’d better search high and low for more evidence.” They did so for half an hour. They found nothing to deal with the case.

“Well, I’m glad that we found nothing incriminating to Kevin,” Lana said.

“I am sorry that we found nothing to deal with his defense,” said Mason. “Princess, we need that search warrant to Metroid. Dangerous or not, Paul and I must go. In fact, let’s take that Kid Icarus fellow with us. Someone will have to help us if we get into trouble.”

Kid Icarus flew in. “Did someone mention my name? Oh, wow! You’re Perry Mason. I see that the Marios got you here.”

“Yes, I am Perry Mason. This gentleman is my detective, Paul Drake. My secretary, Della Street, is downstairs with Kevin. The other two, Hamilton Burger and Lt. Arthur Tragg, are—”

Lieutenant Tragg entered the room, preceding Hamilton Burger. “We are right here, Perry,” Tragg said.

“Hello, Hamilton and Tragg.”

“We figured that you might be here.”

“Hunting for evidence, Perry?” asked Hamilton Burger.

“Of course.”

“Well, unfortunately, we were just convinced that Kevin did it.”

Mason tried not to look surprised. Hamilton had always been a little eager to jump to conclusions. “What?”

“Oh, we visited the Brain-Team just now,” Tragg said. “Seems that Ludwig was lying to protect his image. Though, at this point, I don’t see why he’d be concerned about that. It appears that Captain N did commit the robbery.”

“Well, what was so convincing?”

“A video film that shows Captain N sneaking into the Chamber of Tetris,” Burger said. “He used a blowtorch to break the seal between the Sacred Square and the wall and removed the Square. To cover his tracks, he placed a fake in the Sacred Square’s place. Making off with the Sacred Square, he put it on his dresser over there, wiped it clean of fingerprints, and staged a faint. Well, Perry, it is really too bad the Brain-Team’s camera also includes an optical disc recorder. Oh! And one more thing.”

“Yes?”

“See you in court. Not that I really wish to prosecute Kevin again, mind you, but I must perform my civic responsibility.”

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

Back on Metroid, MotherBrain was watching these events on her monitor. When the conversation was over, she laughed. “Perfect. Our tape worked. While Captain N has the told the unbelievable true story, we have told the perfect lie.”

“Yes,” Ludwig said. “And with the aid of my special video editing software. It makes the resulting recording flawless. With the proper equipment set up here, we have convinced them that the recording is genuine.”

“That evidence will be so convincing . . . and so convicting.” She laughed.

“Too bad they do not have a spy satellite like the Silver Hawks’ Tally-Hawk.” The doorbell rang. “Ah, the doorbell. This time, Eggplant Wizard, I advise you to let them in without challenging them.”

“Yes, Prince Ludwig.” Eggplant Wizard cautiously opened the door. “Who’s there?”

“Perry Mason, Paul Drake, Princess Lana, and Kid Icarus,” Mason announced. “We are here with a legal search warrant to search this location.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, go away anyway.”

“Shut up, you fool,” said MotherBrain. “Let them in.”

“Okay, Your Peachiness.” He let Perry, Paul, Lana, and Kid Icarus into the control room.

MotherBrain displayed unusual and seemingly sincere deference. “Ah, Thy Highness. Thou gracest us with thy presence.”

“Cut the sweet talk,” Lana said. “We are come to search, not chat.”

“Of course,” said Ludwig. “Let me show you a video that we recorded. I showed it to Hamilton Burger and Lt. Arthur Tragg earlier.” He switched on the player. Perry Mason, Paul Drake, Princess Lana, and Kid Icarus intently watched the recording that showed Kevin stealing the Sacred Square. When the recording was over, they stood in silence for a moment. “Can there be any doubt?”

Lana sighed. “It isn’t enough to convince me that Captain N is guilty.”

Kid Icarus harrumphed. “I may not be a material witness, but I know that you somehow were able to edit the recording to make it look as though that is actually what happened. I also know that Kevin‑icus would never do such a thing.”

“Not nearly enough,” said Perry. Except that it would hold up all too well in court if the defense could produce little evidence to disprove it, and he doubted that there was sufficient evidence for that. Obviously, Perry did not wish to say this in present company.

“Eighty percent on one side of the coin, twenty on the other,” said Paul.

Ludwig pressed a button that ejected the optical disk from the player. “Well, you can take it and examine it. I have no further use for it.” After placing it into a case, he handed it to Mason.

“Well, let’s get back to the Palace,” Mason said. “We are in for a doozy in court tomorrow.”

* * *

July 20.

Palace Jail, Palace of Power.

The next morning, at 7.30, Mason arrived at Kevin’s cell. “The preliminary hearing is in only thirty minutes, Kevin.”

“Well, I guess I’m ready,” Kevin said. He observed Mason’s grim expression. “It’s not good, is it?”

Mason smiled, trying to lighten his expression a bit. “There are some challenges to overcome, but don’t worry. We’ll do our best to get you exonerated.”

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

On Metroid, the Brain-Team was getting ready to depart. “Ready, everyone?” asked Ludwig.

“Ready, Prince Ludwig,” the others replied in chorus.

Bowser’s mother ran into the room. “Wait up. Sorry I’m late. I’m going, too.”

“But—” Bowser began.

“Oh, I’m glad that you approve, Bowser. Let’s go.” MotherBrain, the Koopas, and their servants warped to the palace.

* * *

Palace Courtroom, Palace of Power.

At 8:00 exactly, the trial started in the courtroom. Bailiff Simon Belmont addressed the courtroom in the formal dialect of VideoLand Standard. “All shall rise for Her Highness, the honorable Judge Lana.” Everyone in the courtroom stood.

Dressed in judge’s robes, Lana entered and took her seat behind the judge’s bench. She tapped her gavel against the gavel block.

“All witnesses and officers shall remember that this court uses the language VideoLand Standard,” Simon said. “You may be seated.” Everyone sat down.

“The court shall come to order,” Lana said.

Eggplant Wizard stood up. “Okay. I’ll have an eggplant sandwich, hold the pickles.”

Everyone in the whole courtroom laughed, except Lana, Mason, and the Brain-Team. Lana glared daggers at Eggplant Wizard. “We require no comic relief. Bailiff, bring that vegetable to the bench.” Bailiff Simon took Eggplant Wizard up to the bench. “Prosecutor, shalt thou call this man as a witness?”

Burger stood. “Yes, I shall, Thine Honor.”

“Very well. Please announce the charges against the defendant.”

“The People and Crown of VideoLand charge the defendant, Kevin Keene, titled Captain N, with the robbery of the Sacred Square of the World of Tetris.”

“How pleads the defendant?” Lana asked.

Mason and Kevin stood. “Not guilty, Thine Honor,” Kevin said.

“The prosecution may begin its case.”

“Very well,” Burger said. “I call Eggplant Wizard to the stand.”

“That’s I,” Eggplant Wizard said. Simon guided him to the witness stand.

“Raise thy right hand, please,” said Simon. Eggplant Wizard raised his right hand. “Swearest thou to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help thee God?”

“I do.”

“Very well, thou mayest be seated.” Eggplant Wizard sat in the chair on the witness stand.

“Now, Eggplant Wizard, where wast thou yesterday morning at 11:30?” Burger asked.

“I was on the Planet of SR388, commonly known as Metroid,” the vegetable said.

“Please tell the court what transpired that morning.”

Eggplant Wizard frowned in confusion. “What perspired? What do you mean?”

There was some tittering in the courtroom. “Please, just tell us what happened,” Burger said.

“We recorded a man entering the Chamber of Tetris. He removed the Sacred Square and put a fake square in its place. Then, he took the real Sacred Square back to the Palace of Power, put it on his dresser, and removed the fingerprints.”

“Please point out this person.”

Eggplant Wizard pointed at Kevin. “He is right there in the defense seat. It’s Captain N.”

“Thy witness, counselor.” Burger took his seat.

Mason got up and went over to the witness chair. “Eggplant Wizard, knowest thou what the punishment for perjury is?”

“Not really,” said Eggplant Wizard, a little nervous. Clearly, he was on the verge of ejaculating more vegetables, but he tried to resist this because he did not wish to spend additional time in jail.

“One to three days in jail, along with four or five days for that unfortunate outburst. If thou hast not perjured, thou wilt just have to spend four or five days behind bars. Dost thou still maintain thy testimony?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ve no additional questions.”

“Bailiff, take that eggplant into custody and hold him in jail in contempt of court for five days for his outburst,” Lana said. Bailiff Simon took Eggplant Wizard, who came not too willingly, to jail. “Call thy next witness, prosecutor.”

“I call King Hippo to the stand,” said Burger. King Hippo came forward and was sworn in. “In thine own words, King Hippo, tell this courtroom what happened that morning.”

“Well, actually, I refuse to answer on the grounds of incrimination,” King Hippo said.

Burger was stunned for a moment. He had clearly not anticipated this answer. “Incrimination to whom?”

“To me, Mr. Burger.”

“I see. Thy witness, Mr. Mason.”

“No questions,” Mason said. “This may be extremely unusual, Thine Honor, but I should like to call someone who is familiar with the afternoon. I would like to call Mario.”

“Is there any objection from the prosecution?” asked Lana.

“Well, normally, I would find this objectionable because of Mr. Mason’s well-known theatrics from Los Angeles, but I do not,” said Burger. “Also, this is simply a preliminary hearing.”

“Very well. Go ahead, Mr. Mason.”

“I call Mario to the stand,” Mason said. Mario came forward and was sworn in. “Now, Mario, please describe the afternoon in question.”

“It must have been one of the craziest afternoons of my life,” Mario said. “In the course of one of their schemes, MotherBrain, Ludwig von Koopa, Wendy Koopa, Donkey Kong, GameBoy, and Dr. Jerome Wily had their brains swapped.”

“How did their brains become unswapped?”

“Dr. Xavier Wright, MegaMan, and Simon Belmont warped to Metroid—” began Mario.

Mason recalled a detail. “Excuse my interruption. What is Metroid’s official name in English, if thou knowest?”

“The official name of Metroid is the Planet SR388.”

“I thank thee. Please use that official name from now on.”

“Of course. Anyway, Dr. Wright, MegaMan, and Simon warped to the Planet SR388 with a special device and got all of their brains unswapped. Those bad guys have not learned that it is unwise to perform illegal activities with the N‑Team around.”

“I thank thee, Mario. I have no further questions.”

Burger stood. “Now, Mario, couldst thou tell me how their brains were swapped?”

“Well, Mr. Burger, let me recall. The most memorable is that Ludwig’s brain got swapped into Donkey Kong’s body, and GameBoy’s brain into MotherBrain’s body.” He thought back. He knew he should have remembered, but he had forgotten. “I can’t remember exactly. I do know, however, several people who might remember: MotherBrain, Ludwig von Koopa, Wendy Koopa, Dr. Wily, GameBoy, and MegaMan.”

“Very well. Thank you. That is all.” Burger sat.

Judge Lana asked, “Hast thou any questions on re‑direct, Mr. Mason?”

“No, Thine Honor,” said Mason. “I should like to bring back Eggplant Wizard as a defense witness. Until that can happen, however, I should like the prosecution to continue. I want no time to be wasted.”

“Witness is excused.” Mario left the stand and went back to his seat. “Next witness, Mr. Burger.”

“I would like to call Dr. Jerome Wily to the stand,” Burger said. Dr. Wily was sworn in. “Now, Dr. Wily, what rememberest thou concerning the day in question?”

“Prince Roy and Prince Morton brought Princess Peach to us. Prince Ludwig planned to put her brain in Princess Wendy and vice-versa. MotherBrain wanted to put her brain into Princess Lana and vice-versa. Ludwig made an invention that would painlessly do so. I had considerable reservations about this plan, since MotherBrain had attempted something similar once before with little success. Anyway, Peach escaped to KongoLand, where we went and finished the invention. Ludwig, Wendy, Eggplant, Hippo, MotherBrain, ProtoMan, and I were the ones who went.

“When we had finished the invention, we went via motorboat on the Floating River to find Princess Peach. MotherBrain had Ludwig, Wendy, ProtoMan, and me in her tentacles, protecting us from the current, while Eggplant and Hippo were riding behind on an insubstantial raft. MotherBrain had the Brain Changer on her jar. The enormous denizen of KongoLand, Donkey Kong, grabbed her jar and Ludwig, Wendy, and me along with it. Donkey Kong also had GameBoy. ProtoMan, Eggplant, and Hippo crashed into a tree. The brain-leads, part of the brain-transfer device, attached to Donkey Kong, GameBoy, Wendy, Ludwig, and me. King Hippo flung a coconut at Donkey Kong, trying to make him let go, but instead hit the button that turned on the Brain Changer. Our brains switched in the following manner: Ludwig’s brain went into Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong’s brain went into me, my brain went into GameBoy, GameBoy’s brain went into MotherBrain, MotherBrain’s brain went into Wendy, and Wendy’s brain went into Ludwig.”

“I thank thee, Dr. Wily,” said Burger. “I have no further questions.”

“No questions,” Mason said.

“Witness is excused,” Lana said. “Call thy next witness, Mr. Burger.”

“Thine Honour, I should like to call Miss Wendy Ostentatia Koopa to the stand,” Burger said.

Wendy stood. “I beg thy pardon, prosecutor. I just happen to be a member of a royal family.”

“Okay, I call Princess Wendy Ostentatia Koopa to the stand.”

“That’s better.” She came forward and was sworn in.

“Now, what canst thou—”

“Pardon me,” Wendy snapped in a whiny voice. “I am a princess, while thou art not of royalty. Thou shalt address me in a more respectful fashion.”

Lana sighed, impatient with Wendy. “Counselor, she has the right to be granted that privilege. Her request is extremely rare, but she does have the right. Please address her as Mademoiselle.” I ought to do away with that, though.

It was quite clear that Wendy was getting on everyone’s nerves, especially the prosecutor’s. “Very well, Mademoiselle,” Burger said. “What does Mademoiselle recall of the afternoon in question?”

“I thank thee, Mr. Prosecutor,” Wendy said. “I wanted to transfer my superior brain into Toadstool’s inferior body.” She knew fully well that speaking of a monarch simply by the last name and without a title was extremely disrespectful. She hoped Peach would leap up and complain, but Peach did not. “This was so that I could control the measly Mushroom World.”

“Now, would Mademoiselle mind telling me of the official name of the Mushroom World?”

“I would not mind at all. The official name is the Kingdom of the Mushroom World.”

“I thank Mademoiselle. Please refer to the Mushroom World by its official name. And I suggest that, if Mademoiselle is about to talk about Metroid, she use its official name, also.”

“Enough speculation as to the witness’s testimony, Mr. Prosecutor,” Lana warned.

“I apologize, Thine Honor.”

“When we got to the Planet of SR388 after the brain transfer, King Dad nearly freaked out,” Wendy said. “Then, Simon Ring‑mont, GameBrat, Dr. Wrong, and MaggotMan showed up and switched back our brains.”

“Very amusing. I thank Mademoiselle, Princess Wendy. That will be all.”

“I have no questions, but I reserve the right to recall this witness,” said Mason.

“Mademoiselle may step down, Princess Wendy,” Lana said. The hearing continued until noon. No other witness was as trying as Wendy was.

“Thine Honour, I believe that I have made a prima facie case that Kevin Keene did, in fact, have the motive and opportunity to commit the crime,” Burger said. “He desired to end the Brain-Team’s threats to VideoLand, and I have established that he could have taken the Sacred Square as a means to accomplish those ends. I move that he be bound over for jury trial, unless Mr. Mason bring about a case for the defense right away—” He looked at the clock. “—or, should I say, right after court reconvenes, in view of the hour. It is nearing the lunch hour. I suggest that the court hold recess until 14:30.”

“Defense has no objections,” said Mason.

“Very well, gentlemen,” Lana said. “Court will recess until half past two.” She brought down her gavel. Everyone rose as she was leaving.

“To be perfectly honest, it does not look very good for you, Kevin,” Mason said confidentially.

Kevin sighed. “Do you think I don’t know that? I’ve seen enough of your trials in the summertime to see that.”

“Don’t worry,” said Mason. “Kid Icarus has just gone to Mount Icarus in order to purchase an arrow that will make anyone under its power tell the truth.”

Extremely unfortunate for them was the fact that MotherBrain was listening to their conversation. The receptors in her tank picked up their hushed tones with crystal clarity. She laughed. “Ludwig, I have an interesting piece of news for you.”

“What?” Ludwig asked.

“I overheard Perry Mason and Kevin conferring over there, and it just so happens that Kid Icarus has left for Mount Icarus to purchase an arrow to make anyone under its power tell the truth.”

“If we can stop him from getting that arrow, Captain N will just be normal ol’ Kevin Keene.”

“Exactly,” said MotherBrain. Bailiff Simon took Captain N to jail as Ludwig, MotherBrain, and the rest of the Brain-Team were taking their leave to Metroid.

* * *

Mount Icarus.

Meanwhile, on the hazardous but picturesque world of Mount Icarus, Kid Icarus made the dangerous journey to the summit to the home of Pernicus, the arrow-maker. At last, he arrived half an hour before court was to reconvene. “Whew. I made it!”

Larry and Roy came out of hiding from behind Pernicus’s house. “Hold it right there, Kid Foolicus,” Larry said.

“Koopalings! What are you doing here?”

“What does it look like, Kid Wimpicus?” Roy said. “We’re beating you up.” He grabbed Kid Icarus by the neck.

“Mario and Luigi will beat you up when they find out what you’re doing.”

“Oh, yeah? Not if they don’t find out.” Roy laughed.

“Come on, Roy,” Larry said. “Let’s beat it before Pernicus gets his fat rear out here.”

Pernicus emerged from his shop. “Did someone mention my name? Kid Icarus! What are you two mean—and quite disgusting—reptiles doing to my friend?”

“We’re capturing him,” Roy said. “And don’t call us disgusting.”

“Help,” cried Kid Icarus.

“My sleeping spell will stop the arrow-maker.” Larry swished his scepter from left to right once, and Pernicus fell asleep.

“Let’s scram before he comes to,” Roy said.

“Excellent idea, brother.” They entered their warp to Metroid, which closed once they were through.

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

“We did it, all,” Larry said.

“Excellent,” MotherBrain said.

Kid Icarus struggled uselessly against Roy’s grip. “Let me go, you rotten Koopaling‑us.”

“Whatever you say.” Roy tossed poor Kid Icarus at King Hippo’s huge belly. King Hippo was unfazed by the impact, while Kid Icarus was totally knocked out.

King Hippo laughed. “That’s what you get for messing with us. We’re too strong for you, Kid Icky.” MotherBrain grabbed him by the leg with her tentacle. He cried out as she lifted him.

MotherBrain lifted him up to her face. “Who’s too strong for him, King Hippo?”

“You! You and the Koopas are too strong for him, MotherBrain.” Mouser was quietly chuckling.

“What’s so funny, Mouser?” Ludwig asked.

“Huh?” asked Mouser. MotherBrain moved King Hippo over Mouser and released the fatso. Mouser scrambled in futility to get away, popping out several dud Bob‑ombs. King Hippo landed on Mouser with a loud thud. “Nothing, Prince Ludwig. Nothing’s funny at all.”

“That’s right,” MotherBrain said. “Especially for those poor souls on the N‑Team. Soon, Captain N will be Captain N no longer. Then we Koopas, excellent-looking gods and goddesses whom we are, will be the rulers of the Milky Way Galaxy.” She laughed wickedly.

“Yes,” said Ludwig. “Then I shall despotically control this galaxy.”

King Hippo got up. “I’ll still be captain of a battle-cruiser starship, won’t I?”

“Of course,” MotherBrain said. “A promise is a promise.” Until it’s broken, that is!

“Now, King Hippo,” said Ludwig, “take Kid Icarus down to our special accommodations for good guys.”

“Yes, sir,” said King Hippo. “I’ll get a Waver to guard him.”

“Good, King Hippo.” King Hippo took Kid Icarus and left the room.

“Ah, why do we have nice rooms prepared for do‑gooders?” asked Mouser.

“The expression ‘special accommodations’ does not necessarily refer to nice rooms, you idiot,” said MotherBrain. “Ludwig was talking about the dungeon in Brinstar.”

“Oh. Sorry, MB.”

“And well you should be.”

“Well,” said Larry, “it should be fun seeing Captain N writhe in agony in court.” Everyone laughed wickedly at this.