14--RMWVL, Part 2, Ch.2

July 19.

Meeting Hall, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

rincess Lana was conferring with the Mario Brothers in the Palace of Power’s royal meeting room. “We must bring these barristers from your world to our world, Mario,” Lana said. “Everyone has a right to legal representation, but as I said, VideoLand has no lawyers able to handle this.”

“Yeah, Princess Lana, but how shall we get there?” Luigi asked.

“I know where Perry Mason’s office is, but I never found a warp pipe in the Mushroom World that leads to Los Angeles, California,” said Mario.

“I must have memorized my warp pipe-map of the Mushroom World to a ‘T,’ and I don’t remember anything about a warp leading to Los Angeles,” Peach said.

“What about the Ultimate Warp Zone? It brought Kevin from California. Won’t it take us there?”

“It just might,” Lana said. “Come with me.” She led them to the room with the Ultimate Warp Zone. The Power Glove sat pointing upwards on a table.

“Doesn’t the Ultimate Warp mega-wipe VideoLand out of your memory if you go through it?” MegaMan asked.

“Normally, that’s true. But I recently read about how to tell it not to do that, MegaMan.” When she tapped a button on the Power Glove, it displayed a hologram revealing the location of the other end of the Ultimate Warp Zone. “The Ultimate Warp presently leads to a large sign that says, ‘Hollywood.’ ”

“All right!” Mario said. “That Hollywood place is just a few miles northwest of L.A. I only hope the roads aren’t as gridlocked as they usually are.”

“Don’t worry, Princess,” Luigi said. “We’ll bring Mason and Burger here.”

Lana keyed a code into the Power Glove. When she was done, the warp opened flush with the wall. “There. Now your memories won’t be wiped when you pass through.”

“Get going,” Samus said. “There is no telling what may happen if we don’t help Kevin.”

“I’ll come along with you,” Peach said.

“It will be a pleasure,” Mario said. He, Luigi, and Princess Peach entered the warp to Hollywood.

* * *

Wendy’s Chamber, Metroid.

Wendy was watching the Palace’s goings-on on her mirror-monitor. As she saw the Marios and Peach warp to Earth, her face compressed into an ugly frown. “Why does that shrimpy little do‑gooder get to go on a trip to L.A., and not me?” she asked. The image in her hand-mirror changed back to a reflection of her. She recited:

“Kootsie-Mirror in my hand,

Who’s the cutest girl in the land?”

Her mirror replied:

“You’re cute, you’re pink, you’re bad, that’s true,

But without a human body, who gives a boo?”

With a shriek, Wendy tossed the mirror on the floor, but it did not break. “That S.O.B. mirror’s right. To be a real big-timer, you have to have soft skin to impress the boys with, longer legs to be cute with, and a human female’s you-know-what to have real you-know-what with, because female Tortoisians’ equipment is nowhere near human standards, but male Tortoisians’ is! Eggplant! Hippo!”

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

In the control room, MotherBrain and Ludwig were discussing the current situation. They were interrupted when Wendy’s shrill voice pierced the room. “Eggplant! Hippo! Get up here into my room right now, you stupid idiots.”

MotherBrain turned to Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, who cringed. “Well, what are you two boys waiting for? Get up there now.”

* * *

Wendy’s Chamber.

Eggplant and Hippo soon arrived in Wendy’s room. “You two are finally here. And you took ten whole seconds, too. Next time, be here within one second, or you’ll be so hot that someone will be able to stick a fork through you without any effort.”

“Sorry, Your Cuteness,” King Hippo said.

“Get me a human body right now.”

“Please, Your Highness, cool off,” said Eggplant Wizard.

Wendy’s scowl deepened, and her voice grew more shrill. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do, rutabaga-brain. You two had better get me a human body, or I’ll pulverize you into oblivion. I want you to go to Los Angeles, to grab Princess Peach, and to do it right now!”

“Okay, okay. We’ll do whatever you say, Your Pinkness.”

Ludwig entered. “You do not have to yell, my sister. You’ll wake the dead.”

“Oh! You grace us with your presence, my brother.” She bowed.

“You do not need to bow, Wendy.”

Wendy got up. “Thank you, brother.”

“Well, Eggplant and Hippo?”

Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo looked at each other. “Well, what, Your Royal Princeness?” Eggplant Wizard asked.

“Bow before me.”

“But you just told Wendy—Princess Wendy—not to bow.”

“That only pertained to her, King Hippo. I released neither you nor Eggplant Wizard from that obligation. Now bow.”

Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo bowed. “Okay, Prince Ludwig,” Eggplant Wizard said.

“These dummies tried to tell me what to do, big brother,” Wendy complained.

“Flabbo made me do it, Prince Ludwig,” Eggplant Wizard said. “He said that if I didn’t, he’d pound my face in.”

“Why, you lying rutabaga,” King Hippo said. “I said nothing of the sort.”

“You did too.”

Ludwig frowned. “Gentlemen—”

“Aw, shut up, Eggy,” King Hippo said. “I should bash in your face anyway.”

MotherBrain came in. “Quiet!” she shrieked in a voice loud enough to shake the whole universe.

* * *

Throne Room, Palace of Power.

Lana lifted her eyes from the report that she had just been reading. “What was that noise I just heard?”

“Either my senses are failing me,” said MegaMan, “or that was MotherBrain mega-yelling at the mega-stupid Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. Her voice was so loud that it even caused atoms in outer space to vibrate.”

“If she can’t stand them, why does she employ them?”

“It’s simple: mega-cheap labor.”

“I believe that!”

* * *

Hollywood, California, 20th‑Century Earth.

Meanwhile, in Hollywood, California, the Mario Brothers and Princess Peach emerged from their warp. “Well, we are here,” Mario said.

“Good,” said Princess Peach. Turning around, she saw the Hollywood sign on its high hill. “What a nice sign.”

“We were here on the tour we received when we became Plumbers of the Year,” Luigi said. “Of course, that was the only time, but we still remember as though it were yesterday.”

“Yes, and I still have my road map of Los Angeles and Hollywood,” Mario said. “Of course, it’s probably a little out of date.” He looked at his map. “Good news. It’s only a few miles to downtown Los Angeles.”

Peach looked at the map. Her jaw fell open when she saw all the freeways. “Uh, how do we get there? This place looks more convoluted than any city in the Mushroom Kingdom.”

“Simple. There are many taxi cabs in Hollywood. We just hail one.”

“Yeah,” Luigi said. “All we have to do is find one.”

They were startled when bad news warped into town in the persons of Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. “Yeah, and you never will, once I turn them all into potatoes,” Eggplant Wizard said with a sinister laugh.

“It’s Eggplant Wizard.”

“Don’t forget me, you N‑Dodos,” King Hippo said.

“I’ll show you who’s a dodo,” Mario said.

“Yeah,” Eggplant Wizard said. “You are. I’ll beet you.” With a swift beam from his wand, he turned Mario into a beet.

“Hey,” Mario said. “Could you turn me into a tomato and put me on a spaghetti?”

“Maybe when I get you back to Metroid,” the vegetable sorcerer replied. Judging from his expression, he thought it was a serious request.

“Mario, can you only think of your stomach?” Luigi said.

“I think of other things,” Mario replied.

With a sigh, Luigi shook his head. “All right, boys. Let’s see you mess with Caped Luigi.” He got out a Cape Feather and turned into Caped Luigi.

King Hippo laughed. “I’ll deal with this plumbing shrimp.” Before King Hippo could act, though, Luigi spun and bashed him with his cape.

“Serves you right, King Hippo. Now for you, Eggplant Wizard.”

“Oh, yeah? I’ll fix you with my string bean net.” Eggplant Wizard launched four or five green beans into the air. As they flew through the air, the beans entwined one another with a network of strings to become a net. Though Luigi tried to dodge, the net fell upon him and entrapped him. His cape vanished.

“I’ve been beaned!”

“Yeah. What do you want, Princess Curmudgeon? I have a few veggies left in my botanic arsenal.”

“I want you to turn Mario back to normal and to release Luigi,” Peach snapped.

“Sorry. The extremely beautiful Princess Wendy did not authorize that.”

Simon emerged from the Ultimate Warp with his whip ready. “Oh, yeah, Egg-breath? Well, maybe my whip has something to say about that.”

“It’s Simon Belmont.”

“I’ll brain him,” King Hippo said.

“How can you brain me when you have no brain yourself?” Simon asked. “Whip, do your stuff.” Simon cracked his whip at King Hippo and knocked the little crown off the boxer’s head.

“Hey! Keep your whip off my crown.” He turned around. “Aha. There it is.” When he bent over to pick it up, his pants ripped in the middle, revealing shorts with little green Koopa-turtles. “What?” Peach laughed.

Eggplant Wizard tried to control his giggles. “Your Fatness, your pants are ripped.” Then he burst into uncontrollable, hysterical laughter.

“Aw, shut up, Eggplant Breath.” Irritated, King Hippo snatched Eggplant Wizard’s wand.

“Hey! That’s my Veggie-wand.”

“Yeah. Ain’t it, though?” King Hippo broke the wand. Mario turned back to normal, and the string bean net disappeared from Luigi. “Oops.”

“Now look what you’ve done. Princess Wendy is going to be very upset with you.”

“Aw, shut up. Let’s get back to Metroid.”

“We’ll be back, Ninny-Team.” King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard went into their warp zone to Metroid.

“Thank you, Simon,” Mario said.

“Simon Belmont shall not shirk his duties as a hero,” Simon said.

“Well, let’s get on with it,” Luigi said. “Coming, Simon?”

“Oh, I must return to the Palace. I have to make sure that MotherBozo and the Binky-Team don’t come snooping around the Palace. See you later, guys.”

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

From Metroid, everyone was watching in MotherBrain’s control room. As soon as Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo had returned, MotherBrain fixed them with her withering frown. “First, you two fools foul up Wendy’s plans, and now you let Simon-the-dolt insult us.”

“Depart immediately, Eggplant and Hippo,” Ludwig said.

Eggplant Wizard backed out through the door. “Okay, Prince Ludwig.”

King Hippo also availed himself of the nearest exit. “Yes, my main turtle.”

Dr. Wily shook his head. “Those idiots.”

“Yes,” Ludwig said. “I must admit that they make the Three Stooges look like geniuses.”

“Now what?” said Wendy. “Do we have to do everything ourselves?”

“Calm down, Wendy,” Bowser said. “I’m getting a complex with all your—”

Wendy frowned. “With all my what?”

“All your requests.”

His mother bashed his head with her purse. “Oh, knock it off, Koopums.”

“Please, Dad and Grandmother,” Ludwig said. “Now that we have Captain N on the fish-hook, we do not want to let him off until we reel him in.” He laughed.

“I have a plan so sneaky that you may wish that you thought of it,” said Larry. “What if we went to Los Angeles and kidnapped Perry Mason and Hamilton Burger?”

“Now, Larry, you know that kidnapping is a capital offence. Therefore, let’s do it.”

“No. Let the Marios do it.”

“The Marios? What a delightfully demented idea, Larry.”

“Explain, please,” MotherBrain said.

“With my hypnosis machine, I can hypnotize up to nine people at one time.”

“Amazing! We have a little surprise for you, Princess Lana.” MotherBrain tittered with laughter.

“My only hope is that they have not eaten too much pasta for this to work. You see, the machine won’t work if the one I want to hypnotize has eaten too much pasta. Let’s try Mario.” Ludwig punched in ‘Mario’ and pressed ‘ENTER.’ The machine’s display window showed the text, ‘Malfunction.’ “As I feared. Mario has too much pasta in his fat larder. Well, that idea will not achieve anything. Mouser. Try-Clyde. Koopa-Troopa. Front and center immediately.”

The three ran into the room. “Yes, my main mad scientist?” the green-shelled Koopa-Troopa said.

“I want you three to go to Los Angeles and stop the Mario Brothers and Princess—wait a minute. Did I hear the word ‘mad’ in there? You of all people know how I hate that word. Luckily, you’re highly expendable, as you are one of the majority of Koopa-Troopas that are not bred by flesh but are matter held together purely by magic.” Ludwig fried the Koopa-Troopa to video-dust with his sceptre. “I need another Troopa in here, Larry. And choose one who does not have the word ‘mad’ in his or her vocabulary.” Larry pressed a button on the wall. In came another Koopa-Troopa, this one with a blue shell.

“Dispose of the Mario Brothers as you wish, but bring that shrimpy do-gooder princess to me,” Wendy said. “I want to implant my superior brain into her inferior body.”

“That is a cold, cold idea, Wendy,” Ludwig said. “I love it.”

“Get going, you three little dunder-heads,” MotherBrain said. Mouser, Try-Clyde, and the Koopa-Troopa took a warp to Los Angeles.

* * *

Brent Office Building, Los Angeles, California, Earth.

Ten minutes later, in front of the Brent Building, where Perry Mason had his office, Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach arrived by cab. “That will be $12.50,” the cab-driver said.

Mario withdrew his wallet and extracted a ten-dollar bill and a five. “Let’s see—here you go.” He handed the bills to the driver. “Thanks a million, and keep the change.”

“Good luck, and thanks for the tip.”

As the cabby drove off, Mario and the others approached the building entrance. “Gee,” Peach said, “Perry Mason must have picked the largest office building in the city.”

Mouser, Try-Clyde, and the blue Koopa-Troopa arrived by warp. “And soon, you will be picking some bomb-pieces out of your teeth, you rotten Mario Brothers,” Mouser said.

“Mouser, Try-Clyde, and Koopa-Troopa,” Mario said. “What are you three doing here in L.A.?”

“Up to no good, I suspect,” Peach said.

“Very perceptive, Princess Peach,” Mouser said. “I thought I would see the San Andreas Fault and dump you Mario Brothers in when I create the worst earthquake in history with my powerful bombs.” The rodent laughed.

“I’ll bag Princess Toad‑stooge for Princess Wendy, Mouser,” Koopa-Troopa said.

“Good thinking, Koopa-Troopa,” Try-Clyde’s center head said. “I’ll get Luigi.”

“And I handle Mario,” said Mouser.

A police officer by the name of Lieutenant Arthur Tragg came to a halt directly behind Mouser. A little taller than Princess Toadstool’s, he was quite taller than Mouser, and the sun cast his shadow over the evil rodent. He wore a long, dark tie and a brown suit, as he was a plain-clothes police officer. He was somewhat large around the middle. His brown hat concealed the thinning grey hair on his head. “And who has me, Mouser?”

“Well, I—” Mouser gasped. “Lieutenant Arthur Tragg?”

“Yes. I’m pleased that you know my name. I’ll have to ask you three to move along. If you bother Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach again, I’ll ask the beat cop to book you for disturbing the peace.”

“Where’s the nearest warp zone out of here?” Try-Clyde demanded. He, the Koopa-Troopa, and Mouser entered the warp to Metroid.

“Thank you, Tragg,” Mario said. “I thought the coast would be toast.” He and Tragg shook hands, and then Tragg shook hands with Luigi.

“I just got your last letter from the Mushroom World,” Tragg said. “Seems you’re having a slight bit of trouble from MotherBrain now.”

“Boy, are we glad you got that letter,” said Luigi.

“I assume that you’ve come here to see my old friend Perry Mason.”

“Yes, Lieutenant,” Mario said. “We would like you to meet Princess Peach of the Mushroom World. Princess, this is Lieutenant Arthur Tragg of Los Angeles Homicide.”

Lieutenant Tragg tipped his hat. “Good to meet you, Princess Peach.”

“Good to meet you, too, Lieutenant,” Peach said.

“Whatever your problem is, Mr. Perry Mason and Mr. Paul Drake can handle it. Also, if you need my help, I’ll gladly assist.”

“Thank you, Tragg,” Mario said. “See you later, pal.”

“See you guys later.”

Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach entered the building and proceeded to the security desk. “Pardon me, ma’am,” Mario said to the desk clerk. “Could you please tell us on which floor we can find Mr. Mason’s office?”

“Yes, sir. It is on Floor 47. Just go to your right after leaving the elevator. His office is clearly marked.”

“Thank you,” Luigi said. When they entered the elevator, Mario pressed the button for Floor 47.

“When did you meet the good Lieutenant Tragg?” Peach asked.

“We met him on our trip out here. He found us interesting, and we’ve remained pen-pals since then.”

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

Back on Metroid, MotherBrain and the Koopas, especially Ludwig, were infuriated to learn of their subordinates’ failure. “You are a group of sourdough wimps. How can you fear a human with a badge? None of you can do anything right. I’d terminate you all on the spot if you weren’t the only people smart enough to work for us.”

“But Your Dishonorable Evilness, he threatened to haul us in for disturbing the peace,” Mouser said.

“There is only one person who won’t fail me,” Ludwig said.

“Who?” MotherBrain asked.

“Me. I will just have to venture forth and deal with the Marios myself. Larry. Roy. You two are coming with me.”

“But Ludwig, if Tragg sees us, we’ll be booked for disturbing the peace,” Roy said.

“Be a coward if you want to, Roy,” Larry said. “I shall go.”

“What are you worried about, Roy?” Ludwig asked.

“I don’t want a police officer to book me,” Roy said.

“If he tries, resist arrest.”

“But how?”

“You have a magical scepter. Use it.”

“Yeah,” Bowser said. Why do you think I gave it to you?”

“Oh, all right,” Roy said. “I’ll come along.”

“Do not forget to grab Princess Toad‑stooge, Ludwig,” Wendy said.

“We’ll do it, sweetie,” Ludwig said.

“I don’t see why I must go instead of Morton,” said Roy. “This might be a good venture for the Koopa boys.”

“Come with us, Morton,” Ludwig said. “You can loud-mouth the cops to death if we encounter them.”

“Right‑o, big brother,” Morton said. Ludwig, Larry, Roy, and Morton entered the warp to L.A.

* * *

Perry Mason’s Reception Room, Los Angeles, California.

Entering Mason’s reception room, Mario walked over to Gertie, Mason’s receptionist. “Ma’am, we would like to see Mr. Mason, please.”

“Certainly. May I have your name, please?”

“I am Mario Mario. This other gentleman is my brother, Luigi Mario. The lady’s name is Peach Toadstool.”

* * *

In Perry Mason’s office, the lawyer was speaking with his confidential secretary, Della Street. Perry was of average height, while Della was a little shorter. Both had greying dark hair, and Perry’s was starting to thin. He wore a black office suit, and Della wore a black dress. His face was capable of the stoniest gaze, which helped him a great deal when handling difficult clients. “One day, Della, we’re leaving both California and Colorado behind.”

“I’ve grown attached to both states, but I am rather in the mood for a change,” said the secretary. “I wish I knew a good place.”

Mason was about to open his mouth when the phone rang. He picked up the receiver. “Yes, Gertie? . . . Sounds intriguing. I’ll let them in.” He hung up and then stood up. “You might not believe who’s here, Della.”

“Try me.”

“Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach Toadstool.”

“Tragg’s friends?”

“Yes.” He opened the door to admit Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach. “Hello. Please come in. My name is Perry Mason. This is my confidential secretary, Miss Della Street.”

“Good day, Mr. Mason, Ms. Street,” Mario said. He and Luigi in turn shook hands with the lawyer.

“Have a seat.” The Mario Brothers and Peach sat down in chairs in front of his desk. Mason sat down in his comfortable chair. “My friend, Lieutenant Tragg, has told me about you. If what he told me is true, you won a Plumbers of the Year award, which included a nationwide tour that brought you clear out here from New York City.”

“Yes, sir,” said Mario. “We met Tragg on that trip and have been in correspondence with him ever since.”

“I only wish I could have seen you when you first came out this way from New York. And the lieutenant has also told me about you, Princess Peach. To be honest, at first I thought he was kidding when he began speaking of your adventures in the Mushroom Kingdom. However, as time went on, I came to understand that it was all true.”

“He seems like a nice fellow,” Peach said. “He met us in front of the building.”

“Yeah,” said Mario. “He saved us from having to fight three of our stupider adversaries, Mouser, Try-Clyde, and a Koopa-Troopa.”

“Tragg has told me about those three, too. Frankly, I’d rather avoid those creeps. However, this Ludwig von Koopa intrigues me somehow.”

“All I can say is beware that creep and his brother Larry,” Mario said. “They’re too smart to be evil. They’re proving to be much worse than their nasty bully of a father is.”

The telephone rang again. Mason picked it up. “Yes, Gertie? . . . Four others? Who are they? . . . Hmm.” He covered the sound transmitter. “Ludwig von Koopa, Larry Koopa, Roy Koopa, and Morton Koopa, Jr.”

“Uh oh,” Mario said. “Let them come in, if you want to.”

“We only mind a little,” Peach said

“Send them in, Gertie,” said Mason, “but have them give their scepters to you first. . . . Okay.” He hung up. Seconds later, Ludwig and his brethren came in. As his eyes landed on these specimens of the Tortoisian race, Perry came to believe every word Tragg had told him. “Good day, Prince Ludwig. What may I do for you?”

“I hope that you are able to help these three good people, Mr. Mason,” Ludwig said. “A most disturbing event has occurred in VideoLand.”

“And I bet that you are behind it, Your Lowness,” Mario snapped.

“Calm down, Mario. Mr. Mason, could you also please direct me to the office of the district attorney, Mr. Hamilton Burger?”

“Sure,” Mason said. “His office is on Floor 38 in this building. The county government rents space for him here, since we’re quite close to the courthouse and the courthouse is overcrowded. Turn left after you exit the elevator.”

“Thank you, Mr. Mason. Farewell, all. Excuse us, please.” Ludwig and the others exited.

“That most disturbing event is what we came to you about, Mr. Mason,” Mario said.

“Oh?” asked Mason. “What’s happened? Has Bowser run amok?”

“For that not to happen would be unusual. Actually, the evil MotherBrain and Bowser Koopa have gotten hitched, so now Ludwig is really terrorizing VideoLand. The beautiful Princess Lana is in despair because someone has set up Captain N, whose actual name is Kevin Keene.”

Perry’s eyebrows went up, as did Della’s. “Kevin Keene? I’ve known his family quite well for a long time. For the past three and a half years, his family and my private investigator, the Paul Drake Detective Agency, have been searching for him without a trace. Now you tell me that he is in VideoLand?”

“That’s true,” Luigi said. “On the date of September 11, 1989, at 7:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight time, the Ultimate Warp Zone pulled him through his TV set into VideoLand.”

Mason was silent for a moment as he digested this. “His family discovered his disappearance at 7:30 that same evening. His dog was also gone. Did his dog go with him?”

“Yes,” said Mario.

“What’s his dog’s name?”

“It’s Duke.”

“I think it’s safe to assume we’re talking about the same young man, then. What does he do in VideoLand?”

“He saves VideoLand often,” Luigi said. “But now he’s been booked for the robbery of one of the most powerful items in VideoLand, the Sacred Square of Tetris.”

“Well, how can I help?”

“You are the best defense attorney we know of,” Mario said. “The preliminary hearing for his case is at 8:00 tomorrow morning. Princess Lana of VideoLand wanted us to ask you to defend Kevin. She said licenses from any U.S. state would be good in VideoLand, and since her authority is absolute, what she says goes. For reference, VideoLand Mean Time is the same as Pacific Daylight Saving time, so don’t worry about jet lag.”

“All right. Della, leave a note for Ken.” He called Paul Drake, the private detective who often worked with him, on the telephone. “Paul Drake, this is Perry Mason. Sorry I can’t explain right now, but this is urgent. Drop whatever you’re doing into your son’s hands and meet me outside. Tell him we’ll be gone for a while. . . . Good. See you outside.” When he had hung up, he turned back to the Mario Brothers and the princess. “If you also need a prosecutor, Hamilton Burger is planning to retire from his office in the near future. He may be able to help. He is a good friend of mine, and he is a fair-minded and excellent prosecutor.”

“We were planning on that, anyway,” Mario said.

“Good.”

“Well then, let’s get going,” Della said. “I have a feeling that this is going to be a most interesting case.”

“So do I, Della.”

* * *

Hamilton Burger’s Office, Los Angeles, California.

Meanwhile, Ludwig, Larry, Roy, and Morton were in Mr. Burger’s office. “So you see, Mr. Burger, the case needs a proper prosecuting attorney,” Ludwig said. “You are the ideal man, if you want the job.”

“Your knowledge of the legal language impresses me, Prince Ludwig, especially since you are from a different area of the galaxy,” Burger said. “And since you admit to being on the other side of the law.” He had dark, curly hair and a black suit similar to Mason’s. He was about the same height as Mason, and his build was similar, but his face was quite different. Whereas Mason’s face was almost squarish, Burger’s was more elliptical. His voice was a little higher than his colleague’s was. Though he was interested in winning cases, Hamilton Burger put ethics first, and he knew well that his job as a prosecutor was to see that justice was done.

“Fortunately, jurisprudence in VideoLand is not very different from jurisprudence here or in the United Kingdom.”

“Will you do the job?” Larry asked.

“Certainly,” Burger replied.

“Good,” Roy said. “Her Highness, Princess Lana of VideoLand, will most appreciate this.”

“I am about to retire as a district attorney in California, anyway. I have gotten tired with prosecuting just about everyone in town. Heh, heh! Just a lawyer joke.”

“Understood,” Ludwig said. “Though maybe fewer, the cases there can be more interesting, I think, than those here.”

“Indubitably, Her Highness will be pleased with my our work,” Morton said. “Oh, yes, indeed! Oh, the rewards we’ll reap. Oh, the—”

“If you keep that up, Morton, you may find yourself excused to Metroid for the duration,” Ludwig said.

“Understood.”

“You see, Mr. Burger, Morton’s appropriate nickname is ‘Big Mouth,’ ” said Larry.

“It isn’t one that I like very well,” Morton said with a frown.

Knocks sounded from the door. “Come in,” Burger said. The door swung open, and in walked Perry Mason, Della Street, Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach.

“Hello, Hamilton. I see that you are quite busy,” said Perry.

“We don’t mind, do we?” Ludwig said.

“Certainly not,” said Larry.

“Nope,” Roy said.

“We do not mind,” Morton said, “and furthermore, you can hold conversation with the good, distinguished Mr. Burger when we’re around, no matter—” Just then, Roy stuck some super-adhesive tape around Morton’s mouth.

“Please excuse our little brother,” Ludwig said. “He gets on a roll quite easily. Too easily, in fact, for the benefit of his health.”

“What have they told you, Hamilton?” Mason asked.

“They tell me that an innocent member of the N‑Team, Kevin Keene, has been booked for a crime that he did not commit: the robbery of one Sacred Square. Furthermore, Her Highness, Princess Lana of VideoLand, needs a prosecutor. I am most certainly going to help.”

“Guess who is the defense attorney.”

“You, of course. No one is more fitting for the job than the great Perry Mason.”

“Well, at least you Koopalings did one nice thing for a change,” Mario said.

“Come now, Mario,” Ludwig said. “Not even a Koopa can be all bad.”

“He has a point, Mario,” Luigi said.

Mario raised his right eyebrow at Luigi. “Oh, really?”

“Your brother is right, Mario,” Ludwig said. “If I obeyed all my evil whims, you would be very dead by now, and so would my father.”

“Do you think you’re strong enough to take on Bowser Koopa all by yourself?” Luigi asked. He received his answer a moment later, as the office seemed to go dark, and Ludwig’s eyes gleamed with malevolent light.

“Yes, I am,” Ludwig said. A moment later, the lighting returned to normal.

“Even if he weren’t,” Roy said, “he treats us Koopalings better than King Dad does. And his public speaking is superb, while Dad’s is more bullying than persuasive.”

“Yes, I watched some tapes of him speaking to the Koopa Military,” Peach said. “I wonder how he ever got their support.”

“It would be quite interesting to discover that,” Ludwig replied.

“Well, we have run out of time, my Koopa-brothers,” Larry said. “Time to get back to Her Braininess’s lair.”

“ ‘Her Braininess’?” Burger asked. “Who is ‘Her Braininess’?”

“I’m surprised that Lt. Tragg hasn’t told you, Mr. Burger,” said Roy. “Our quite evil King Dad, better known in video games in this world as Bowser, has married the super-cool, wicked MotherBrain. And by the way, the goody-good Lana didn’t ask us to ask you to be the prosecutor. My extremely evil brother, Ludwig von Koopa, got that idea in his head. ‘Her Braininess’ is MotherBrain. Now, she and we have combined to form the Brain-Team.”

“And who, if I may ask, is the leader of this Brain-Team?” Mario asked.

“I am the leader,” Ludwig said. “We shall see to it that Captain N goes where he belongs, so that we can take over all VideoLand. In fact, the galaxy. And, to top it off, maybe the entire universe.” He laughed.

“Yeah,” Larry said. “And then you Mario Brothers are going to be sorry sons of a gun.”

“See you later, guys.” The four Koopalings left. As they withdrew, so did the malicious aura, and everyone relaxed a little bit.

Lieutenant Tragg came in from another door. “Hello, all. How are you today, Perry?”

“Oh, I am quite fine,” Mason said. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m about to resign from the police business and thought I might move to VideoLand to help my friends here maintain the law.”

“I’ve kind of thought of moving out there myself, Perry,” Burger said.

“How is the usual weather out there, Mario?” Della asked.

“At the Palace of Power, it’s pretty mild,” said Mario.

“Yeah,” Luigi said. “You’d probably like it. Of course, the weather at the Palace and in MegaLand is controlled unlike here.”

“Hmm,” Mason said. “We shall have to take this into serious consideration after meeting Princess Lana.”

“She’s a good person,” Mario said.

“When do we need to be out there, Mario?” asked Burger.

“As soon as possible, with the way things have been going. In fact, the court preliminaries start tomorrow morning.”

“Okay,” Mason said. “My car is outside. Paul Drake is meeting us out there.”

* * *

Outside, Drake was indeed waiting. Perry, Della, Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, Hamilton, and Lt. Arthur Tragg came out through the main door. “Ah, hello, everyone,” Drake greeted. He was about as tall as Kevin and was healthily thin. He wore a tan office suit, and he had blonde hair.

“Hello, Paul,” Mason said. “Paul Drake, these are Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach Toadstool.”

“Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach, it is quite an honor to meet you. Tragg has told me a lot about you.”

“I know that some people may think that I am a real drag,” Tragg said.

“Tragg. Drag. I get it,” laughed Luigi.

Around the corner, the Koopalings were watching the group. “Big fat hairy rats, Ludwig,” Larry said. “They are with Lieutenant Tragg.”

“Hm. I believe it prudent to be as cautious as possible. We wait.”

“I thought you weren’t afraid of police, Ludwig,” Roy said with a sneer.

“I am not afraid of police, brother. I’m just being cautious. It would be poor logic to allow oneself to be captured.”

“Well,” Tragg said, “I must get to police headquarters. Where shall I go to get to the Palace of Power?”

“A blue warp zone is up on the hill with the Hollywood sign,” Mario said. “That will take you directly to the Palace, near the throne room of Her Highness, Princess Lana.”

“Okay,” Tragg said. “I shall see you all later.” He departed.

“Seven sitting ducks dead ahead, Ludwig,” Larry said. “Tragg the Drag has left.”

“Excellent. Let’s round them up.” The four sprang out with scepters ready. “Greetings once more.”

“What?” said Mario. “Oh, great. It’s Ludwig and his fellow Koopalings again.”

“What are you doing here?” Mason asked.

“What does it look like we’re doing?” Roy asked. “We’re attacking, Mr. Mason.”

“Oh, Princess Peachie, it is time for your nap,” Larry said. He fired sleeping powder in Princess Peach’s face, and she fell unconscious.

Luigi gasped “Princess! What have you done to her, you freak?”

“Why, Luigi,” said Ludwig. “It should be obvious that we are committing a kidnapping.”

“Keep your hands off her, vile Koopas,” Mario said, “or—”

“Or what?” Morton said. “I do not see any Fire Flowers, Hammer Suits, Super Leaves, Super Mushrooms, Frog Suits, Tanooki Suits, Cape Feathers, or Kuribo’s Shoes around here. You don’t even have a—” Roy put his hand over Morton’s mouth.

“Shaddup,” Roy said.

“Oh, yeah?” Luigi asked. He pulled a miniature treasure chest from his pocket. “Look what I have in my pocket: a treasure chest full of power-ups.”

“This could be an issue,” Larry said. “Roy, get the fungal princess out of here and back to Metroid. We shall hold these goody-goods back.”

“Speak for yourself, Larry,” Morton said. “I’m getting while the getting’s good, and no later.”

“Hey, ‘Big Mouth,’ ” Roy said. “As long as you’re Kooping out too, at least help me with this princess.”

Morton and Roy lifted Princess Peach and carried her to the warp to Metroid. “Peach, you’ve been putting on weight. No more midnight mushroom pizzas for you.” Morton and Roy got Peach in the warp to Metroid and took their exit.

Mario tried to bombard Larry with his firepower. “Princess,” he called.

“Too late, plumb-scum,” Larry said.

“Correct,” Ludwig said. “Now you will have to get past us.”

“You two are doing this right in front of legal officers,” Burger said.

“We don’t give a darn,” Larry said.

Ludwig began, “Our purpose for coming here is—”

Tragg stood behind Ludwig as he had stood behind Mouser some time ago. “Your purpose for coming up here is to get booked for disturbing the peace. Am I right?”

“Look, Tragg, you don’t know the half of what we’re doing here,” Larry said.

“Are you mocking justice?”

“Who cares?”

“I do. I’m booking you two for disturbing the peace, and I’m booking your brothers for kidnapping.”

“I would suggest you do it in VideoLand,” said Ludwig. “We’re taking our leave.”

“I’m in front of your little warp. I’m afraid you’re stuck here.”

Ludwig smiled deviously. “Oh, are we, Tragg? Thou shalt soon see how stuck we are. Ancient Spirits of Evil, transform this decayed—whoops! Wrong chant. Forces of evil, transport Larry and me back to MotherBrain’s control room.” Magic forces cackled on Ludwig’s fingers for half a second, then he and Larry vanished. So did the warp.

“How did they do that?” asked Tragg, baffled. He had never seen sorcery executed in person before.

“I don’t know,” Mario said. “The Koopas are sneaky devils, especially those two. They also wait until the last moment to make a grand exit.”

MotherBrain’s hologram appeared. “Hello, everyone. You should know who I am. I am the brilliant MotherBrain. As soon as you get that goody-good Captain N where I want him, I shall give your dopey little planet to my wonderful daughter, Wendy O. Koopa.”

“If you have called to threaten us, it will not work, you deranged brain,” Mario said.

“Oh, I think it will. Wendy, my dear, tell them your little plan.”

Wendy’s hologram appeared beside MotherBrain’s. “As soon as Ludwig gets through with his little brain-swapper machine, I shall implant my superior brain into Peach’s inferior body. Then, all will think that yours truly is Princess P.”

“Your brain? Superior?” Mario bellowed with laughter, bringing an impotent scowl to Wendy’s face. “That’s a laugh. About the only thing it’s good for is directing your hands in applying makeup to your face.”

“I have already dreamt up subpoenas for people to attend court, and you two are on my mental list,” Burger said. “Next thing you’ll be telling us is that you will tell the truth on the witness stand.”

“We shall,” MotherBrain said.

“Yes, we will, ditz-face,” said Wendy.

“Talk about mockeries,” Mario said.

“When we take over the galaxy, you fools had better stay out of my dear Wendy’s way, or else you’ll be hearing from me,” MotherBrain said. “See you in VideoLand, suckers.” Her hologram and Wendy’s disappeared as her diabolical laugh faded away.

“I only called in to the police department to announce that I was taking leave,” Tragg said. “I thought that those evil Koopa brats might try something else.”

“Thank you, Tragg,” said Mario.

“Let’s go. I have a feeling that this will be a most interesting case. Would you not agree, Perry?”

“I agree, Tragg,” Mason said. “Mario and Luigi, could you ride with Paul?”

“Sure,” said Mario. Luigi nodded.

“Very well. Della and Hamilton, you can ride with me. Got your car, Lieutenant?”

“Yes, it’s parked in the parking lot,” said Tragg. “Next to a car with plates marked, ‘MASON.’ ” He smiled. “Vanity, counselor?”

Mason smiled back. “I feel entitled to some vanity. Let’s go. Paul, we’ll follow you since your passengers know where we’re going.”

“Sure,” Paul said. “Just tell that speeder Tragg not to ride my bumper all the way.” Mario got into the front passenger side, Luigi into the back seat behind him.

Mason led the others to the parking lot and unlocked his car. Della sat in the front passenger side, and Burger sat behind Della. Mason started his car as Tragg started his. Mason led the way out of the lot with Tragg behind him, and the two followed Drake to Hollywood.

* * *

They parked in a free parking lot near the Hollywood sign and hiked up the hill to the warp. Luigi pointed to the blue, swirling tear in the fabric of space. “Here is the warp.”

“All right,” said Mason. “Let’s go.” They all stepped through the warp.

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

Ludwig was watching on the monitor in MotherBrain’s control room on Metroid. “Those fruit flakes,” Larry commented.

“You want fruit flakes, Prince Larry?” Eggplant Wizard asked.

“No, I don’t want fruit flakes, you bloody twit,” Larry snapped.

“Well, you do not have to be so patient about it.”

“Shut up before I blast you into Koop‑dom come, you stupid rutabaga.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry I mentioned it. Sheesh.” Where’s your sense of humour? Eggplant Wizard thought.

* * *

Throne Room, Palace of Power.

At the Palace of Power, the Marios arrived with Perry Mason, Della Street, Paul Drake, Hamilton Burger, and Lt. Arthur Tragg. “Hello,” Lana said. “I am Princess Lana, ruler of VideoLand.”

Perry Mason stepped forward. “It’s a pleasure, Princess Lana. I am Perry Mason, attorney at law. This gentleman is Paul Drake, Sr., a detective who works with me. This is my confidential secretary, Della Street. This gentleman is Hamilton Burger, district attorney of Los Angeles. This is Lieutenant Arthur Tragg, a homicide detective and police officer. It is not often that I wander this far away from home.”

Lana laughed. “I can understand that. I would like to visit your world someday.”

“Yes, Princess Lana, but on to business first, with your permission,” Paul Drake said.

“Of course. I assume that the Mario Brothers have told you of our predicament.”

“Yes, they have,” Della Street said, “and we were convinced when we saw the Koopalings sitting in Hamilton Burger’s office, telling Mr. Burger about the very predicament.”

“According to the Mario Brothers, those four actually told me the truth,” Burger said.

“I find that very surprising,” Tragg said.

“Well, Perry,” said Burger, “Tragg and I will see you in court. We have to work on gathering evidence for the prosecution’s case.”

“Oh, wait a minute,” Lana said. “Here are the laws that govern everything in VideoLand.” She handed one padd each to Mason, Burger, and Tragg.

“Thank you, Your Highness,” Mason said. “I think it’s time to gather evidence for the defense case.”