July 18.

Throne Room, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

ollowing their inaugural defeat of the Brain-Team, the N‑Team returned the Sacred Square to Princess Lana’s brother Lyle, who was going to return it to the Chamber of Tetris. Lana congratulated them all when they arrived at the Palace of Power. “All of you have proven worthy of being members of the N‑Team,” she said.

“That’s all right, Princess Lana,” Mario said. “We just like knowing that we helped you. You don’t have to worry about putting us into the N‑Team.”

“I mean it,” Lana said. “You have all done a great job in getting rid of those pains-in-the-brain. We could use additional members, now that our base of enemies has expanded.”

“Thanks, Princess Lana,” said Luigi.

“Mario, I grant you the Platinum Medal of Honor, for helping us the most in beating that wicked Ludwig.” She pinned a beautiful medal of platinum onto Mario’s overalls.

“Gee, Princess Lana, thank you,” Mario said. Everyone else in the room applauded.

“Luigi, you get the Gold Medal of Honor.”

“Thank you, Princess,” Luigi said. Everyone applauded him.

“Toad, Princess Peach Toadstool, Yoshi, Princess Zelda, Link, Samus Aran, and Dr. Wright, you are welcome to join the N‑Team as well, with Silver Medals of Honor.” She gave them all their medals.

“Well, I’ll be,” Toad said. “Thanks, Princess Lana.”

“Yes,” Princess Peach said. “Thank you, Lana.”

“Thanks, Princess,” Yoshi said.

* * *

Control Room, Tourian, Metroid, VideoLand.

Meanwhile, the Brain-Team returned to the sinister, brain-shaped world of Metroid. MotherBrain and Ludwig used the control room’s monitor to spy on the expanding N‑Team. “This is so revolting,” Ludwig said.

“It’s all your fault,” MotherBrain snapped.

“Sorry.”

“Oh! I’m sorry, Ludwig; I wasn’t talking to you.” She turned to Eggplant and Hippo. “I was talking to Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. Well, what do you two entirely incompetent nimrods have to say for yourselves?”

“I didn’t mean it, MotherBrain,” the pair whined in synchrony.

“Shut up, you two. You two incompetents can do nothing right. Anyway, we haven’t done anything rotten in a long time, not since three hours ago.”

“Yes,” Ludwig said. “Not doing anything rotten for three hours gets to me.”

King Bowser Koopa entered in his kingly suit: a black formal jacket with a red bow-tie and a red cape. It lent him some semblance of a regal air. “Well, what do you two think?”

“Looks great on you, Bowser,” MotherBrain said.

“Most certainly,” said Ludwig.

A tomato accidentally popped out of Eggplant Wizard onto King Bowser Koopa’s suit. “Oops,” said Eggplant Wizard.

“You idiot,” said Bowser. “Look what you did to my suit. You’ve ruined it!”

“It was an accident, King Bowser. You must believe me.”

“An accident, is it?” Bowser drew his scepter and aimed at Eggplant Wizard. “See how you like an accident on purpose, you buffoon.” Bowser fried Eggplant Wizard with his scepter.

Eggplant Wizard shrieked during the blast, but it ended after a couple of seconds. “Whew. Thanks for sparing my eggplant, Bowser.”

With a growl, Bowser grabbed Eggplant Wizard by the upper arms and held him up into the air. “You shall call me King Bowser or Your Majesty from now on. Do you understand me, you infinite idiot?”

“I understand you, King Bowser.”

“Correct answer, garbage face.” Bowser flung Eggplant Wizard on the ground.

“Thanks for sparing me again, Your Majesty.”

“Well, let’s try something another day,” Ludwig said as he held back a yawn. “I’m tired.”

MotherBrain yawned openly. “I’m tired, too, Ludwig. Let’s retire to our chambers.”

* * *

July 19.

Princess Wendy O. Koopa’s Chamber, Metroid.

The next morning, Wendy began thinking as she perfected her beauty in her mirror. Like her teammates on the Brain-Team, she despised the N‑Team already. She soon had an idea. “The N‑Team members think they can make fools of us, do they? Well, I’ll show them. Eggplant! Hippo! Get your fat selves in here.”

Eggplant Wizard ran in with King Hippo. “What is it, Princess Wendy?”

“I want you and your tubby friend to grab me that Sacred Square.”

“But, Princess Wendy, we haven’t got the key,” King Hippo said.

Wendy put her left hand over her face. “Why is MotherBrain cursed with these idiots?” she asked herself. She pointed at the two. “Listen, you two. If I break my fingernails while being angry at you, it will be your fault.”

“We understand. How do we get in, Princess Wendy?” Eggplant Wizard asked.

Wendy showed them Prince Lyle in the monitor in her mirror. “Look at this. Prince Lyle is getting ready to do his daily rounds. I want you to knock him out, grab the key, go into the vault where the Sacred Square is hidden. Use your Brussels-sprouts-blowtorch to unseal the force holding the Sacred Square. Then, pull out the Sacred Square, and order it to keep Tetris World from crumbling. Finally, warp back here to me with the goods. Eggy, put in a fake yellow square in the place of the Sacred Square afterwards. Think you can manage that?”

“You’ve got it, Princess Wendy.”

“No sooner screamed than done, Princess Wendy,” King Hippo said.

“Good,” said Wendy. “Now, get going.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The minions opened the warp zone from Wendy’s room on Metroid to the building with the Sacred Square. They entered that warp and waited for Prince Lyle in the bushes in front of the Chamber of Tetris. “Here he comes, Eggy,” King Hippo said. “And he’s carrying the Sacred Square.”

“Yeah,” said Eggplant Wizard. “Let’s K.O. him, steal the block and the key, and make off.”

“That sounds easier than Princess W’s version. Let’s do it.” As Prince Lyle approached, he got out the key to put into the lock on the door. Just then, King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard popped out of the bushes. “Hey, Lyle. Stop right there.” Hippo bashed Prince Lyle between the eyes, knocking him out. Eggplant Wizard grabbed the key, King Hippo grabbed the Sacred Square, and they ran into the warp zone back to Wendy’s room on Metroid.

“We did it, Princess Wendy. We got the key and the Sacred Square.”

“I cannot believe it. You two actually did something right for a change,” Wendy said.

“Does this mean that you aren’t going to fry our geese?”

“Exactly. Wait until I tell MotherBrain how you did.”

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

A short time later, Wendy entered Metroid’s control room. “Oh, MotherBrain. What would you say if I told you that Hippo and Eggplant did something right for a change?”

MotherBrain rolled her eyes. “Without proof, I’d say you were thoroughly nuts.”

“Then prepare for proof.” Wendy turned to Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, who were outside the door. “Okay, guys. Bring it in.” Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo brought in the Sacred Square. MotherBrain’s jaw dropped near the bottom of her jar. “They stole it for me from that stupid geek, Prince Lyle. They also got his key to the Chamber of Tetris.”

“I can’t believe my eyes. You mean to say that they stole the Sacred Square on the first attempt?”

“Yes.”

MotherBrain laughed. “This should prove useful.”

Ludwig entered. “Good morning, MotherBrain and my sister.”

“Good day, Ludwig. See what King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard stole from Prince Lyle by order of Wendy.”

Ludwig’s eyes widened as he saw the Sacred Square. “I do not believe it. You two actually did something correctly for a change. Kudos, gentlemen.”

Bowser strode into the room. “Hello, MotherBrain, Wendy, Ludwig, King Hippo, and Egg—whoa. That’s the Sacred Square. Don’t tell me that those two actually did something right for a change.”

“It’s hard to believe, but it’s true,” MotherBrain said. “With the Sacred Square, we can rebuild our castles.”

Ludwig turned to Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. “For this, you two shall be well rewarded.”

“Oh, boy. I can hardly wait,” said King Hippo.

“I can’t hardly wait, neither,” Eggplant said.

“Shut up,” said MotherBrain. “That is a triple-negative.”

“A do-what-hicky?”

“A triple negative! It occurs when you use three negative words in a clause, and it is generally erroneous in English. Do I have to explain every simple little grammatical principle to you?”

“Yes.”

“I knew it was too good to be true,” Ludwig said. “I trust that you will not mess up our plans this time, my foolish vegetable.”

“Get serious, Prince Ludwig,” Eggplant Wizard said. “Do I ever mess up your plans?” MotherBrain wrapped her tentacle around Eggplant Wizard, drew him up to her glass jar, and turned him around so that he was facing Ludwig. “What?”

Ludwig drew his scepter and aimed at Eggplant Wizard. “May I give you one teeny volt for every time you have bungled MotherBrain’s plans?”

“Are you mad? That would be ten quadrillion volts, give or take a tril—oops. I said the M‑word.”

“Yes, and for that, I shall give you ten quintillion volts.” He fried Eggplant Wizard with a generous supply of electricity, but hardly a lethal amount.

“You could have left off that extra thousand, you know.”

“Don’t get anymore bright ideas, you dim-wit,” MotherBrain told Eggplant Wizard.

“That will be quite enough from you two,” Ludwig said.

“Ahem. Sorry, son. I was behaving most inappropriately.”

“You never apologize to us, MotherBrain,” Eggplant Wizard said.

“That’s because he is not stupid like King Hippo and you are.” She tossed him, making him bash into King Hippo. “Is that clear enough for you?”

“Quite.”

“Shut up, vegetable,” Wendy said.

“Yes,” said MotherBrain. “Shut up, veggie-breath.”

“Yup,” Eggplant Wizard said.

“Shut up, you incompetent, lazy, stupid, ignorant, foolish vegetable-brain,” Bowser said. “You are so stupid that a rock could out-spell you in a spelling bee.”

“I shall just reward King Hippo,” Ludwig said.

Eggplant Wizard fell to his fat belly, hitting the floor with his hands and flailing his feet in a fit. “No fair. You always treat him better than you do me.”

MotherBrain picked him up by the fat neck with her tentacle. “Let me tell you why: because he’s not as stupid as you are, you incompetent vegetable.” She tossed him into the wall, forcing a few eggplants to pop out of him.

“Boy, is he stupid,” Wendy said.

“I’ll say,” said MotherBrain. “You haven’t seen the stupidest creature in the universe until you’ve seen that fool.”

“I am not a creature,” the Eggplant Wizard said in offense. “I am an incompetent vegetable.”

“Shut up. Why is it that I am required to repeat my order six billion times before it sinks in?”

“I don’t know.”

“Shut up before I let my Metroids sink their teeth into you.”

Eggplant Wizard got out a roll of masking tape. “I’m shutting.”

MotherBrain smiled as Eggplant Wizard tore off a piece of masking tape and taped it over his mouth. “Wise decision, vegetable breath. What shall we do first with the Sacred Square, Ludwig?”

“First, we offspring of Bowser shall rebuild our Tetrad-strongholds,” Ludwig said.

“Great idea,” said Bowser. “Then, we can strengthen them.”

“Yes, but I have a better plan. After that, we can use the Sacred Square as a secret weapon. However, I don’t know if MotherBrain will love the first stage too much.”

“Oh? Why not?” MotherBrain asked.

“Remember when you were using that mind-control sap from those trees in KongoLand? The pain surging through your brain cells.”

“Oh, great. Not that experience again. The sacrifices that a beautiful brain must make in the name of evil. But we must do it, if it is dirty and underhanded. Hee, hee, hee!”

“I assure you that it is. All we have to do is remove a small piece from the Sacred Square, implant it into one of these wires connecting Metroid’s central growth nodes to the computer systems, and remove a small piece from the same wire and implant it into the Sacred Square. That will give us unlimited access to it. However, we will need someone who knows how to do it.” Dr. Wily entered with Ridley and ProtoMan. “Speak of the devil.”

“Hello, my evil leaders,” Ridley greeted. “What’s happening?”

“A most devious plot, Ridley. Dr. Wily, I have an idea that will give us unlimited control over the Sacred Square of Tetris. Can you chip a piece off the Sacred Square, install it into the largest one of these wires, take out a piece the same size as the chip out of the said wire, and implant the chip from the square into the wire and the wire into the square?”

“Just call me the guy the doctor ordered,” Wily said. “Ha, ha! I can fix it in two shakes of an android’s gun.” Dr. Wily ran out and soon returned with his all-purpose multi-tool kit. “Ridley and ProtoMan, this operation is very delicate. Make sure the idiots stay out of my hair.”

“Will do, Doctor,” Ridley said.

“You can count on me, Doc,” said ProtoMan.

“This will be simple if they behave,” Wily said. Using a wire-stripper, Dr. Wily stripped the plastic off the wires, exposing them all. With a cutter, he cut a cube out of the Sacred Square that was precisely two cubic centimeters in volume. Then, he proceeded to cut a similar cube out of the largest wire, which relayed all mental control. MotherBrain, Bowser, Ludwig, and Wendy experienced sharp pains during this. MotherBrain’s face moved around in a strange circle, while the other three Koopas seemed to do a rock and roll type of dance. Wily worked quickly.

Mouser entered. “Oh!” He began to dance. “I didn’t know that you four knew how to dance. Time to do the Kooparacha.”

Ridley grabbed Mouser by the shoulders before he had wandered close to Wily. “Shut up, Mouser. Wily is performing a very delicate operation. One screw-up, and MotherBrain and Ludwig are quite likely to kill all of us, you the most painfully.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Dr. Wily inserted the cube of Sacred Square into the wire, welded it into place with a laser-welder, inserted the cube of wire into the Sacred Square, and welded it in. The operation a success, MotherBrain and the three Koopas experienced no more brain pains.

MotherBrain sighed. “Let us see if this was worth it.” She thought. The Sacred Square reacted immediately, and some small Tetris-blocks showed up and formed in a line in front of her. “Perfect.”

“With this kind of power at our command, not just VideoLand and the Mushroom World are ours for the taking, but also the entire Milky Way Galaxy.” He laughed.

“I could not agree more,” Ludwig said.

Wendy ripped the tape off Eggplant Wizard’s mouth. “Eggplant, did you remember to put the fake square in the place of the Sacred Square?”

“Nope,” Eggplant Wizard said. “We just knocked out Lyle and grabbed the key and square.”

“I knew it. I knew you’d forget that simple little instruction. Wait! Why am I so sore? I can do it myself.” She thought. Back at the Chamber of Tetris, a block flashing like the Sacred Square was moved into the Sacred Square’s place and welded itself there.

* * *

Communications Area, Throne Room, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

Lyle had called his sister, Princess Lana, to report the theft of the Sacred Square by MotherBrain’s brainless hooligans. “Oh, no,” Lana said. “Who knows what havoc those nasty creeps could wreak with with the Sacred Square.”

“We had better get to Metroid immediately before MotherBrain does something with it,” Captain N said.

* * *

Control Room, Metroid.

MotherBrain was watching in her monitor with Ludwig. “Uh, oh,” she said. “What will we do, Ludwig?”

“Elementary, my dear brain,” Ludwig said. “We get Larry to sneak the key back to the building where the Sacred Square was.”

“Me?” Larry asked.

“Sure. In the meantime, I shall hide the Sacred Square where not even you could find it.”

“Okay. Where should I leave the key?”

Ludwig handed the key to him. “Lay it on the ground in front of the building. That way, they are bound to find it. And when they do find it, they will be able to see the Sacred Square in there.”

“But it is not there.”

“I know. I shall use my holography set to make Wendy’s imitation look like the Sacred Square, since Wendy put a fake in the Sacred Square’s place.”

Larry took the key and laughed. “I shall do it, O glorious leader.” He bowed his head.

“No need for the ceremony, my friend. You are a member of my family, and so you are not required to bow to me. I only require it from underlings, not from my siblings.”

“Of course. How silly of me. I shall get going, my devious brother of nastiness.”

“Be on your way, Larry, while I call the other Koopalings here.”

Larry went into the warp to Tetris World, where he placed the key in front of the Chamber of Tetris. He went back through the warp and landed back on Metroid, where he saw all his brothers and his sister waiting. “All done, Ludwig.”

“Good work, Larry. I knew that those two fools would mess this up.”

“I wouldn’t have messed it up, Prince Ludwig,” King Hippo said.

“Shut up, you imbecile,” MotherBrain said. “Who asked you to speak?”

“Oh. Right.”

“When those N‑Twerps find out that the Sacred Square is not really in there, it will be too late for them.”

“Yes,” Bowser said. “Those plunger-pushing pasta freaks shall no longer throw any monkey-wrenches into our evil plans.”

“So, my dreadfully wonderful King Dad and MotherBrain,” said Wendy, “when do we get to rebuild our castles?”

“A.S.A.P.,” said Bowser.

“A.S.A.P.?” she asked.

“Yes. As soon as possible.”

“I do thank you. For a moment there, I thought that you were calling me ‘a sap.’ ”

“I would never call my own sweetly demented Koopalings saps.”

“But I would call those two nincompoops of mine saps,” MotherBrain said.

“I see what you mean,” Ludwig said. “Siblings, you know the layouts of your castles and my castle. Get out there and remake all six of them, now that Dr. Wily has fully integrated our brains with the Sacred Square.”

“We are going, Your Wickedness,” said Larry. He led the five younger Koopalings off to remake their evil castles.

Bowser heard a ring. “Is that the doorbell?”

“It sure is,” said MotherBrain. “Go get it, Eggplant Wizard.”

“Who, I?” Eggplant Wizard asked.

“Yes, you. Now!”

“Yes, Your Wrinkledness.”

“What have I said about wrinkles?”

“Oh. Right. Your Beauty-lined‑ness.”

“That is better. Now, go get the goldang door.”

Eggplant Wizard opened the door cautiously. “Who’s there?”

“Princess Lana and Captain N to search this place,” Lana said.

“Have you a search warrant?”

“Shut up, you idiot,” MotherBrain snapped. “These wonderful people need no warrant to search our humble abode.” Eggplant finished opening the door. “Ah, Your Highness. What a pleasure.”

“What is your scheme, MotherBrain?” Kevin asked.

“If you are talking about the Sacred Square,” Ludwig said, “we returned it. Those two stupid imbeciles of ours mistook our intentions, which doesn’t surprise me. They stole the square without our permission, and we had no use for it. We left the key on the ground in front of the building which houses it.”

“Yeah, right. And I’m King Kong.”

“You might regret saying that, Captain N. Let’s just go over there and prove what I have said.”

“Fine.” Ludwig, Captain N, and Princess Lana entered the warp zone to Tetris and went to the Chamber of Tetris. Captain N bent down to pick up the object he mentioned. “Hey. It’s Lyle’s key.”

“Good. Now, just put it into the lock.” Captain N entered the square key into the lock, opening the door. He pulled out the key, and the door opened to admit them. Captain N and Princess Lana saw what they took to be the Sacred Square. Ludwig was most pleased.

“I can’t believe my eyes,” Kevin cried. “You actually returned it.”

“Larry did so, actually, at my command.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Lana said.

“I was telling the truth, as you can now see. Is there any doubt?”

“No. We were wrong.”

“Come on, Lana,” Kevin said. “Let’s go back to the Palace of Power and tell the others.”

MotherBrain and Bowser were watching on the monitor in Metroid. MotherBrain laughed. “Perfect. Ludwig has them fooled.”

“Yes,” said Bowser. “He has them feeling so guilty of false accusation that they are running away with their tails between their legs.”

“Yes. I am so proud of him. He’s such a diabolical genius. With him in command, our team will indeed go far.”

“Yes. I discovered his genius the hard way. Whenever I decided not to follow his suggestions, those blasted Marios whomped me. My arrogance has cost me many victories. Of course, Ludwig could very easily have taken the reins of the Koopa Kingdom if he wanted to, but he remains loyal to me. Now, I know he will inherit the Koopa Kingdom. I may even pass it on to him.”

Ludwig returned through the warp. “Well, what do you think?”

“Perfect,” MotherBrain said. “You fooled those N‑Twerps. Now, we can take over VideoLand with our Sacred Square powers.”

Ludwig activated the radio. “Attention, all Koopalings. Once you finish reconstructing your castles, come back to the control room of Metroid.”

Within minutes, all Koopalings had warped to MotherBrain’s control room. “What is it, my deviously minded evil brother?” Larry asked.

“Allow me to explain,” Ludwig said. “I have tricked those N‑Team pests, and they think that Wendy’s model in the Chamber of Tetris is actually the Sacred Square.”

“Excellent,” Wendy said. “Now, they will not know until it is too late, especially if Eggplant and Hippo can keep their mouths shut.”

“Hey, have I ever blabbermouthed before?” Eggplant Wizard asked.

Ludwig was sick of the distraction. “Give me some of your super-adhesive wrapping tape, if you don’t mind, Larry.”

Larry handed a roll to Ludwig. “Here you go, Your Wickedness.”

Ludwig took off some tape. “Come here, Eggplant Wizard.”

Eggplant Wizard went over to Ludwig. “Oh, great. What are you going to do to me now?” Ludwig stuck the tape over Eggplant Wizard’s mouth. “Hmmm!”

“You idiot. If you squeal on our plans, you had better not show your face around here again,” Wendy said.

“But you know me, sister,” Ludwig said. “I would never do a thing like that.”

“I am not talking to you, O intelligent brother. I am talking to that idiotic Eggplant.”

Eggplant Wizard hummed, unable to move his lips. It seemed vaguely that he was asking this question: “Why did you do this to me?”

“If I don’t, you might unintentionally tell those N‑Twerps what we’re up to.”

“Oh,” Eggplant Wizard hummed again.

“All right. We have enough to deal with. Too much, in fact, to be dealing with these sappy sentries,” said Bowser.

“You’ve said it, bad Dad,” Larry said. “What are you referring to, though?”

“I’m referring to the fact that every time we get a good conquest plan, those good guys come in and muck it up.”

“Dad is right,” Ludwig said. “This time, they went too far when the Mario-Team joined forces with the N‑Team Base, destroyed our castles, and formed a larger, more imperfect N‑Team.”

Roy nodded. “Yeh. It’s time we cooked some N‑Team goose.”

“This time, we need something special. We need to demoralize them. Ideas?”

“I know,” Bowser said. “Why don’t we do something to Captain N?”

“What are you suggesting, Father?” Ludwig asked.

“Say we did something and left Captain N holding the bag, so to speak. Like, say, a kidnapping or a robbery or arson, something along that line. If he were convicted, he would have no hope of becoming a member of the N‑Team again, thanks to Princess Lana’s insipid rules.”

“Excellent idea, Dad,” Ludwig said. “I’m so glad that you thought of it. Now, let us see how we can frame that Captain N.”

“I have a picture frame, Prince Ludwig,” Mouser said. “Will that do?”

“That kind of frame will not work. Do you want your mouth taped shut?”

“Sorry.”

MotherBrain laughed. “Some idea that I’m getting is making my brain cells tickle all over.”

“What is it, MB?” Ludwig asked.

“The Sacred Square.”

“Ah, I see. We can plant the Sacred Square in Captain N’s bedroom.”

“Then, Captain N can be charged with robbery of the Sacred Square,” Larry said.

King Hippo laughed. “Excellent idea.”

Ludwig peeled the tape off Eggplant Wizard’s mouth. “I have a job for you.”

“Anything you desire, Your Hairiness,” Eggplant Wizard said with a bow.

“Not for you, Eggplant Wizard. For King Hippo.”

“No fair. Why not me?”

Ludwig got out his scepter. “Because, my dear Eggplant—” He fried Eggplant Wizard with his scepter. “—you have the unfortunate tendency to mess up whatever we tell you to do. King Hippo, I want you to go to the Palace of Power, plant the Sacred Square in Captain N’s bedroom, and do it without being detected.”

“I might have a little trouble about not being noticed, Prince Ludwig,” King Hippo said. “You see, I am easily seen, due to my big belly.”

Ludwig took out a pill. “I have the remedy for that unfortunate circumstance. This pill will give you invisibility. It will even hide your prodigious abdomen. I must warn you, though, that it wears off within precisely five minutes.”

“Thank you, Prince Ludwig.” King Hippo took the pill and swallowed it. He became invisible. Next, everyone saw Eggplant Wizard rising and flying into the wall.

“Enough playing, King Hippo. I have infrared vision, so I can see you while you’re invisible. I see you bending down to do that again. Do what I asked.”

“All right, Prince.” The Sacred Square rose from its resting place. It went through the warp zone. The evil ones watched the screen as the Sacred Square floated into Captain N’s bedroom and lay down on Captain N’s dresser. A few minutes later, back on Metroid, King Hippo reappeared. “King Hippo reporting.”

“I hope that you have done this correctly, King Hippo,” Morton said, “and, furthermore, I hope you did it right, and, therefore—”

“Give him a chance to talk, Morton,” said Ludwig.

“Did you do it correctly?”

“I sure did, Prince Morton,” King Hippo said. “It’s on Captain N’s dresser.”

“Good,” Ludwig said. “This plan is going well so far. Remember, though, not to mention a word of this near a member of the N‑Team. As the old saying goes—”

“Loose lips sink ships,” everyone said.

“Exactly. Now, all we have to do is watch the monitor.” In the monitor, one saw the outside of Captain N’s room. Captain N entered, only to be seen tripping and falling out onto the floor. He hit his head and went unconscious.

Wendy laughed. “Hippo did this right without that stupid Eggplant.”

“Yes,” King Hippo said. He gave Eggplant Wizard a sadistic smile. “It is probably this incompetent Eggplant Wizard who keeps making me mess up.” Angrily, Eggplant Wizard popped King Hippo on the arm without daunting him a bit. “You call that a punch? Let me show you how to do it right.” He bashed Eggplant Wizard in the eye and sends him flying into the wall. All the way, a vegetables popped out of Eggplant Wizard.

“Quit playing, you immature brats,” MotherBrain snapped.

Now, in the monitor, they saw Princess Lana approaching Captain N’s room. Her expression turned worried as she saw him on the floor. “Kevin! What’s wrong?” She looked into his room and gasped. “Kevin!”

Captain N awakened. He stood up with a moan. “Lana. Did you see what I saw?”

“The Sacred Square is in your room.”

“You must believe that I would never do that, Lana.”

“Kevin, I know in my heart that you wouldn’t do such a thing, but I must place you under arrest. It’s the only legal thing for me to do, and I feel I must abide by my own laws. Please, try to understand.”

Captain N nodded. “I understand. That’s okay.”

“Know that if you were convicted of stealing the Sacred Square, you would never be able to re‑join the N‑Team. I know that you would never do it, and you know that you didn’t do it, but a jury must be convinced that you didn’t do it. At the very least, reasonable doubt must be raised. In VideoLand, one is presumed innocent until proved guilty, as you say of your world.”

“Actually, just my country. Not all nations on my planet give that right.”

“I see. I’m used to worlds with a unified planetary government.”

MegaMan ran up the hall. “Princess, come mega-quickly. Prince Lyle is calling.” MotherBrain’s monitor followed them to the visual communications area of the Palace of Power, just off the throne room.

Lyle was visible on the monitor in the Palace’s communications area. “Lana, I have terrible news.”

“What is it, Lyle?” asked Lana.

“My colleagues and I checked out that Sacred Square in the vault. It isn’t the real one.”

“This is terrible,” Lana said. “Come to the Palace as soon as possible, brother.”

“Okay. I’ll see all of you later.” The screen turned blank.

“We have a big problem, everyone,” Lana said. “Someone has planted the real Sacred Square in Kevin’s room. Okay, so all I can swear to is that I him lying on the floor in front of his room on his back and the Sacred Square on his dresser.”

Simon laughed jokingly. “I knew that he would show his true colors someday.” His expression of levity fell when everyone frowned at him.

“What are you mega-saying, Simon? Captain N would never do a thing like that,” said MegaMan.

“Hey. It was only a joke.”

“Well, it wasn’t funny,” Kid Icarus said.

“We must clear him, Lana,” Samus said. “If he’s forced off the N‑Team, the Brain-Team could stop us cold.”

“That goody-goody little princess could ruin everything,” MotherBrain said.

“Aha,” Eggplant Wizard said. “I have an idea.”

“Somehow, that statement seems most incongruous coming from you,” said Ludwig.

“What is it, Eggplant?” said Wendy.

“How about we kidnap Princess Lana and make it look as if Simon did it?” asked Eggplant.

“No, garbage-face,” Wendy said. “It would never work.”

“Hm,” Ludwig said. “It might be good that we abduct Lana and manipulate the circumstances to have it seem as though Simon Belmont committed the act.”

“Yes. Great idea, Ludwig,” said MotherBrain.

“I’m so glad that I thought of it!”

“Yes,” Bowser said. “Wonderful idea, Ludwig.”

“Of course, Prince Ludwig, no one can be as intelligent as you are,” Eggplant Wizard said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. He knew Ludwig had taken his idea and twisted the vocabulary.

“Thank you, Eggplant,” said Ludwig. “Thanks to your praise, I have a mission for you.”

“Yes, Your Intelligence.”

“Grab the Princess, tie her up, and hide her in Simon’s bedroom.”

“Pardon me for bringing this up, Prince Ludwig, but do you not think that there is someone more qualified for this kind of job?”

“You have a point, my dear veggie. Maybe there is a person more qualified to do this than you. In fact, anyone would be, but I have a specific person in mind.”

“Namely?”

“Namely Simon Belmont himself.”

“Pardon me?” MotherBrain asked.

Larry was getting the idea. “Aha. No one could ever have come up with a more devious plot. His plan is to hypnotize Simon himself to grab Princess Lana.”

“Exactly,” Ludwig said. “And when the princess walks into his clutches—”

“Snap. Your plot goes perfectly. But there’s one thing I don’t get, Ludwig.”

“What is it?”

“How shall we grab Simon and hypnotize him?”

“That’s what my electronic manufacturer is working on now. No grabbing, as you put it, will be needed. I felt this urge to create a—” He saw ‘COMPLETED’ flash on the screen. “Ah! My machine is done.” A strangely shaped ray gun was warped to the table in the room. “I input the design and specifications into my computer, and voilà, it’s done in an hour or less. Behold my instant-hypnosis machine, my invention of the quarter-hour. Just input the name of him whom you wish to hypnotize on the control panel, press the button marked ‘ENTER,’ and that person is under your control. Whatever you want him to do, just think it, and the person responds without being so straight that it is apparent that he is hypnotized. This will also work on androids, animals, and electronic devices. However, to ensure the device’s reliability, I need a test first. Eggplant Wizard, I need a guinea pig.”

Eggplant Wizard noted the look in Ludwig’s eyes. “Well, then, get a guinea pig. I’m getting out of here.” Eggplant Wizard ran for dear life.

“Too much waste of money for something that can’t cause brain-damage, though that’s of no consequence where Eggy is concerned. It doesn’t matter where he runs. He can run to the other side of the Milky Way for all I care.” Ludwig typed ‘Eggplant Wizard’ on his device and pressed ‘ENTER.’ Eggplant Wizard stopped dead in his tracks. “Come here, Eggplant Wizard.”

Eggplant Wizard entered the room. “What can I do for you, Prince Ludwig?”

“Act like a chicken.”

Clucking, Eggplant Wizard pecked King Hippo. “Hey,” Hippo cried. “Quit it, chicken. Go lay an eggplant.” Eggplant Wizard continued acting like a real dumb cluck.

“Okay,” MotherBrain said. “We can do without the featherbrain acting like a featherhead.” Ludwig pressed the ‘REVIVE #1’ button on his device, and Eggy stopped acting like a chicken. “So, you can control his insignificant excuse for a mind. What of it?”

“If I can do this with my special device and that stupid fruit loop of yours,” said Ludwig, “think what I can do with Captain N and his pals.”

“I love the marvelous thought.”

Lemmy ran in. “Dad. MotherBrain. There is someone here to see you.”

“Who?” Bowser asked.

“It’s Grandmother,” Lemmy cried in delight.

“What the—” Before he could finish, his mother came in.

Mother Koopa resembled Bowser quite a bit, except she wore sunglasses and red lipstick, and she constantly toted a red purse. “Bowser, I am here. Oh, I am so proud of you. You have finally gotten hitched.”

“Mama, listen to me. We’re very busy, and—”

“Oh, Ludwig. Is that you? My, how you’ve grown since I’ve last seen you. Give your grandma a big hug.” She hugged Ludwig. Bowser did not bother to hide his disgust.

“MotherBrain, this is my dear grandmother,” Ludwig said. “Grandmother, the lovely MotherBrain.”

“The ‘dear’ part is debatable,” Bowser said.

“Oh, Father, really. How bad can she possibly be?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?” She yanked Bowser’s lip and released it, letting it snap painfully back into place. He rubbed it. “Why do you always do that, Mama?”

“Ah, so the lovely MotherBrain who saved my dear son’s life is his lucky wife,” Bowser’s mom said. “How about considering my place for a honeymoon spot? I live in the dirtiest, smelliest swamp in seven worlds. You will just love it.”

“It is a charming spot, MotherBrain,” Ludwig said. “I have fond memories of that place from my childhood.”

MotherBrain was genuinely delighted. “I would be simply delighted to stay with you, Mother-in-Law.”

“Why be so formal? Just call me ‘Mother.’ ”

“Of course, Mother. Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Ludwig, my dear stepson, pull the trigger on your delightful plan.”

“It is just about time,” Ludwig said. “Simon is almost alone. Now.” Ludwig typed ‘Simon Belmont’ on his device, pressed ‘ENTER,’ and stopped Simon in his tracks. “All right, Simon Belmont. You are now under my command. Act normally until I get ready, okay? That means your usual activities, like being vain, trying to sweep Princess Lana off her feet without getting anywhere, and doing whatever else you normally do.” Simon walked along perfectly normally after the command had been given. “What a patsy. Let’s see what Her Highness is up to.” Ludwig pressed a button on the control panel. The screen showed Princess Lana, MegaMan, Kid Icarus, and Mario.

“When is the preliminary hearing, Princess?” Mario asked.

“It is supposed to be at 8:00 tomorrow,” said Lana.

“Who is the mega-prosecutor?” MegaMan asked.

Lana said, “I am supposed to find one. I am also supposed to find a defense barrister. Unfortunately, we haven’t had any cases such as this in a long while, and I doubt any barristers in VideoLand are able to handle it.”

“There are a good defender and a good prosecutor on Earth,” Mario said. He knew that ‘barrister’ was simply the British term for ‘attorney’ and that it was used in VideoLand as well as the Mushroom World. “Perry Mason and Hamilton Burger respectively.”

Kid Icarus laughed. “Hamilton Burger‑cus sounds as though he ought to be hamburger.”

“Well, sometimes he acts like it, Kid Icarus,” said Mario.

Ludwig turned off the screen. “Hamilton Burger and Perry Mason? Let me run a data search on those names.” He pressed a button on the computer terminal that he had just installed in the control room. It was linked to the powerful computer in his room. “I am sure that I’ve heard of those two before. It is 12:00 now. We must cover up all possible evidence leading to us.”

“I couldn’t have left fingerprints on the Sacred Square,” King Hippo said. “I have on boxing gloves.”

“You’re right. However, you could have left your heat signature on it.”

“Heat signature?” asked MotherBrain. “I’ve never heard of it.”

“That is logical, as I recently discovered it. Its detection requires machines that only Dr. Wright, Dr. Wily, and I can create alone.”

“Oh, such a bright boy you have brought up, Bowser,” Bowser’s mother said. “I’m glad you let him go to college.”

“Thank you, Mother,” Bowser said, his tone a bit sour. Ludwig had not gone to college with his permission, in fact, but against it.

“If we can just make sure that those ninnies do not find out about our little foul‑up, Captain N will not even have a team to captain.”

“What an idea,” said Morton. “I can yak tall tales to the jury.”