11--RMWVL, Part 1, Ch.3

July 17.

Wedding Chapel, Dracula’s Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

aving followed Bowser’s instructions to the letter, the Mario-Team found itself in the empty wedding chapel of Curse Castle. “Hm,” said Mario. “Dracula’s castle needs a face-lift. This place is drearier than Dark Land.”

Eggplant Wizard stepped into the room. “Good day. I’m the Eggplant Wizard. Please excuse my stupidity. My employers inform me that I have no brain. Are you the Mario-Team?”

“Yes, we are,” Peach said. “I’m Peach Toadstool, Princess of the Mushroom World; the guy with the mushroom hat is Toad; the two mustached guys in caps are the Mario Brothers, Mario and Luigi; and the dinosaur is Yoshi.”

“You’re the ones, then. Follow me.” Eggplant Wizard led them to the reception hall. “All these people are MotherBrain’s and King Bowser’s guests.” Eggplant looked back at the Mario-Team and paid no attention to where he was going. “The two are married now.” He ran into King Hippo. “Oof.”

“Watch where you’re going, Eggplant, or I’ll squish your squash,” King Hippo said. “Oh! Hello, Princess Peach. A pleasure to meet you and the rest of the Mario-Team.”

“Excuse me, but I was just about to show these good people to MotherBrain and King Bowser to make sure they’re the right ones.”

“Oh, come on, vegetable-brain. Can’t you tell that they’re the right ones?”

“Probably not, since he has no brain,” said King Bowser, coming over. Ludwig was with him, and the entire Mario-Team noticed that he looked far more regal than Bowser ever did.

“Then they are your guests, King Bowser?” asked Eggplant Wizard.

“Of course they are. Now, you and your obese amigo infest other parts.”

“You got it,” King Hippo said. “Come along, Eggy.” He and Eggplant Wizard moved off.

“Ah, Mario-Team. I hope you’ll pardon MotherBrain’s associates. They’re kind of on the brainless-wonder side.”

“You up to anything, Bowser?” asked Mario.

“Not today, Mario. You guys go amuse yourselves.”

“We’ll do that,” Peach said.

“I’m not sure where the N‑Team and Princess Zelda and Link are exactly, though they are definitely here,” Ludwig said. “They might be in a buffet line.”

“Well, I’m sure we’ll find them. Thank you, Koopas.” They went toward one of the lines.

“I wonder where we’ll run into them,” said Luigi. Just then, he collided with someone. “Oh. Excuse me, sir.”

“You’re excused,” replied Simon, the one with whom Luigi had collided. “Say! Are you not Luigi and Mario, plumbers extraordinaire?”

“That we are,” said Mario. “And you must be Simon Belmont, vampire-hunter extraordinaire.”

“How correct you are. That is I.” He got out his mirror and admired himself vainly. “I’m also pretty handsome. Would you not agree, Kid Icarus?”

“You’re fully entitled to your own opinion, of course, Simon‑ious,” Kid Icarus said. “Good day, Marios.”

“You are Kid Icarus, are you not?” Mario said.

“That I am, at your service. It is a pleasure to meet you, Mario-Team.”

“Kid Icarus, where is Princess Lana?” Peach asked.

“She’s over there, in the punch line. That’s where they’re serving the punch. Zelda is also over there.”

“Thank you, Kid Icarus. It’s been some time since I last saw them, so I’m going over to talk to them.” She left for the punch line.

“This is the snack-line,” Kid Icarus said. “They have pizza slices at the table.”

“Did you say pizza slices?” Mario asked. “I’m staying in this line.”

“I have noticed that Simon’s very vain,” Luigi said.

“He sure is,” said Kid Icarus. “That is almost an understatement.”

“In my opinion, it is an understatement,” said Roy.

“If it isn’t Roy Koopa,” said Luigi. “What are you up to?”

“Oh, just havin’ some harmless fun, Luigi. Joking with ol’ Agahnim. He’s as big a bully as I am. Yo, Kevin, look who’s back here.”

Kevin was a little farther ahead in the line. “Who, Roy? Hey, aren’t you the Mario Brothers?” He went back to join the Mario Brothers.

“Yeah, pal,” Mario said. “You must be Captain N, the Game Master.” Roy moseyed off.

“Yes, though my friends refer to me by my given name, Kevin,” said Captain N. “Who are the Mushroomian and the dinosaur?”

“My name is Toad,” Toad replied. “In the Super Mario Brothers’ first adventure, I was captured and held at the the castles at the end of the sixth land, right after Bowser Koopa’s fake. In their second adventure, I helped them sock it to Wart. In their third, I provided items to Mario and Luigi in their search through the vastness of the Mushroom World. I had no role in their adventure in Dinosaur Land.”

“That where Yoshi come in,” Yoshi said. “I Yoshi. Bowser and Koopalings captured my Yoshi-cousins, so Yoshi followed from home on Yoshi Island. Soon as Yoshi had set off to rescue cousins, Iggy trapped me in an egg. Super plumbers saved Yoshi from egg. Then, Yoshi helped them through most of Dino Land except spooky places, like Ghost Mansions, Fortresses, and Castles.”

“Ah, yes. I’ve just played Super Mario Brothers 3 and Super Mario World,” said Kevin. “Seems as though you’ve had some hairy adventures.”

“Quite hairy, almost as hairy as Ludwig’s head,” Luigi said. “I’m sure you’ve had some adventures, Kevin.”

“Quite a few. It all started when I was playing the video game Punchout!! and my dog, Duke, was with me. Suddenly, I was pulled into my TV set, and Duke followed me. The Ultimate Warp Zone took me from my home to VideoLand. Since then, we’ve had to keep MotherBrain in check quite a bit.”

“I see,” said Mario. “I guess Duke has been dogging you ever since, huh?”

“ ‘Dogging’? Not bad, Mario. Where is Princess Peach?”

“She’s over there talking to the other two princesses. How are you doing, Kevin?”

“I’m doing fine. How about you?”

“We’re well. We just got out of Bowser’s Neon Castle, which was a really crazy place.”

“Yeah,” said Luigi. “Now, Neon Castle’s in Yoshi’s stomach.”

“Oh? I didn’t think Neon Castle would be such a small place,” said Kevin.

“It’s probably as large as Metroid. It’s just that Yoshi’s stomach is like a trash compactor.”

“Oh. Well, anyway, I should like you to meet another couple of my friends, MegaMan and Rush.”

MegaMan came to them. “Hi, Mario Brothers.”

“Hi, MegaMan,” said Mario. “Where’s Rush?”

“Right here beside me. Say hi, Rush.” Rush the RoboDog emitted a bark.

“Ah. Rush is the robotic pooch,” Luigi said.

“Exactly. He has mega-helped me through all kinds of disasters in MegaLand. That’s the republic spanning four solar systems that, a few millennia ago, brought the peoples of VideoLand together in peace and forged the mega-enormous alliance that became the kingdom that exists today.”

Link came up. “Hello. I hope that I am interrupting nothing.”

“No, sure not, Link,” said Kevin.

“You must be Link,” Mario said.

“That’s me. You must be the Mario Brothers,” Link said.

“That we are,” said Luigi. “I’m Luigi, and this is my big brother, Mario.”

“It appears that the three princesses are bumping gums with one another,” Link said. “Princess Zelda, Princess Lana, Princess Peach, and Kid Icarus knew one another before the kings had to close the warp zone between the Palace of Power and the Mushroom World. For a long time, Kid Icarus has been the head of the Mount Icarus Army and Queen Palutena’s second-in-command.”

“So I have,” Kid Icarus said.

“I wonder what those princesses are talking about,” said Toad.

* * *

“It’s good to see you two again,” Peach said.

“It’s great to see you again, too, Peach,” Lana said. “How’s your kingdom?”

“It would be a paradise without that rotten Bowser and his stinky offspring.”

“Yes,” Zelda said. “My land, too, would be a paradise without MotherBrain, Agahnim, and their minions.”

“How true,” said Lana.

“Hang on a second. MotherBrain is up there on the stage.”

“And now, our guests, we are preparing the entertainment for you,” MotherBrain said. “May it please you.” Directly after she had said that, the audio speakers repeated the message in French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, and German.

“It’s 14:00, and MotherBrain hasn’t tried anything rotten yet,” Lana said.

Kid Icarus came. “Hello, princess‑ici. Good to see you again, Princess P.T.”

“Same here,” said Peach.

“I spoke with your four associates. Two pasta-loving Koopa-smashing plumbers, an eat-up-anything dinosaur, and a Mushroomian retainer.”

“Correct, and the best friends a princess could ask for.”

Zelda looked over at the snack line. “It appears that they all have met.”

“Who is serving the punch?”

“Guess who,” Kid Icarus said. “It’s King Hippo.”

“That idiot?” Lana asked. “MotherBrain sure has dumb stooges.”

Kid Icarus looked at the schedule. “Hm. The schedule says that it’s about time for the entertainment—as MotherBrain just said—and King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, Dr. Wily, and Mouser are entertaining. I’ll get above things and see who the replacements are.” He did so and then returned. “It appears that King Hippo’s replacement is Roy Koopa. Eggplant Wizard had been helping with the refreshments, but it seems that he has been replaced by Ludwig von Koopa.”

“Ludwig von Koopa,” Peach said. “He’s the worst of the Koopalings, and a very close second is his brother, Larry. Bowser is just a big bully, but Ludwig is extremely inventive. He and Larry both tricked their way into University of VideoLand at Funga through false records.”

“VideoLand’s most prestigious university,” Lana said. “I’m pleasantly surprised that it hasn’t been renamed. What was Ludwig’s course record?”

“Lana, that person took a course load of approximately thirty credit hours per semester. He took three semesters every one of his six years there. He passed every subject with no less than three point five. Larry’s record was nearly that good. Ludwig’s work in chemistry, physics, and mathematics is unsurpassed in all of VideoLand. To take the cake, both Koopas were barely teenagers at the time.”

“Good gracious.”

“He discovered how to resist the gravitational pull of a black hole. He used advanced calculus to prove the existence of a new set of numbers beyond the complex. I tried to study calculus, and I barely passed. Those differentiation rules and limits got me.”

“I’m going to have to find out more about that,” said Zelda.

“Without you, Zelda, I would never have gotten through math a few weeks ago,” Lana said. “That integration—ugh. It would have killed me if I had gone to the optional Calculus 302. And to think how well I’d done in Limits 204. I don’t have the head for calculus. Of course, Kevin takes to almost anything like a sparrow takes to the sky.”

“Even affection?” Peach asked.

“Oh, especially that. Don’t any of you dare tell him I think that, though, before I tell him. And that includes you, Kid Icarus. I haven’t worked up the courage yet.”

“Of course, Princess‑icus,” Kid Icarus said.

“Of course, Ludwig and Larry learned too much about the Mushroom Kingdom’s defenses while they were at university,” Peach said. “When they got back to their father, they nearly crushed us. When Bowser took me prisoner, though, Ludwig and Bowser argued heatedly about where to hold me. If Ludwig had won that argument, Mario and Luigi might never have found me. In fact, they might have been killed. But Bowser threw his weight around like the bully that he is, and I could practically feel Ludwig’s loyalty straining to the breaking point. Certainly, I think that Ludwig is strong enough to wrest command of the Koopa Kingdom from his father and to justify it perfectly, but he certainly seems to love the old brute.”

“The rest of the N‑Team and I met with Ludwig and King Bowser earlier,” Lana said. “Ludwig helped get Simon untied. The twit was all wrapped up by his whip.”

“I believe that the only intellectual difference between Simon Belmont and a stone is three intelligence quotient points,” said Zelda. “Guess who I think has more IQ points.”

“Who?”

“The stone!”

Peach laughed. “Now that is a stupid person, Zelda.”

Larry came onto the stage. “Greetings, everybody. The entertainment is ready. I present to you the wicked scientist and the crazy, stupid, and idiotic three stooges. They are Doctor Wily, King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, and Mouser.” He left the stage, and the four that he had just mentioned appeared on the stage and began their stunts. Wily was never on the receiving end of any punch line.

Just as the entertainment began, the princesses arrived at the punch table, where Roy greeted them. “Hello, ladies. Allow Roy Koopa to pour your punch. Here’s yours, Princess Zelda; yours, Princess Peach; and yours, Princess Lana. Enjoy.”

Simon, Yoshi, Toad, Mario, Luigi, Captain N, Link, and MegaMan arrived at the refreshments table at about the same time as the entertainment started. Ludwig bowed graciously to them. “Hello, everyone. Prince Ludwig von Koopa at your service. Please notice that Dr. Wily is never the victim of the tricks. That is no distortion of what actually happens. He and Ridley are MotherBrain’s smartest, most underhanded employees. However, we could not allow Ridley up on stage, lest he destroy something important. Now, then, what would you like, Simon?”

“I’ll take some of everything, if you don’t mind,” said Simon.

“All right.” To Kevin, he whispered, “At least he can talk, Captain N.” Kevin smiled as Ludwig took a clean plate and used clean utensils to place a little bit of everything upon Simon’s plate carefully. “Here, Simon. I believe that you’ll enjoy all of it. Hello, Yoshi.”

“Yoshi have a lot of everything,” Yoshi said.

Ludwig sighed softly. “Very well, Yoshi.” In the same manner, Ludwig placed a lot—but not too much—of everything on Yoshi’s plate. “Voilà. What about you, Toad?”

“I’ll take some chicken and nuts, if you don’t mind,” Toad said.

“All right, Toad.” Ludwig took a clean plate for Toad and put some chicken and nuts on the plate with clean utensils. “Here. Enjoy. Luigi, what would you like?”

“I’ll take a few of those great-looking pizza wedges,” Luigi said.

“All right. Here you are. Enjoy. And you, Mario?”

“I’ll have the same,” said Mario.

“So I figured. Here you are. What about you, Captain N?”

“Oh, some of everything, if you don’t mind.”

“Fine. There you are. And you, MegaMan?”

“I think I’ll have some nuts,” MegaMan said.

“Okay. Here you are. What would you like, Link?”

“I’ll have a little bit of everything, if you please,” said Link.

“Good.” He fixed Link’s plate. “Here you go, Link. Enjoy.” Everyone sat down at a table. There, the two teams formally introduced themselves.

Mario ate his lunch with delight. “These pizza wedges are yummy.”

* * *

On the stage, Eggplant popped Hippo’s arm. “Hey, you dumb hippo. You couldn’t even squash a fly, though you’re so fat.”

“Look who’s talking about someone being dumb,” King Hippo said.

“Hey, Eggplant Wizard,” called Dr. Wily.

“Yes, Dr. Wily?” said Eggplant Wizard.

Dr. Wily drew an IceRay. “Let’s see how you like living in the frozen food section for a while.” Using his ray, he froze Eggplant Wizard inside an ice block. The vegetable screamed.

“Oh, Hippo,” Mouser said.

“What is it, cheese-breath?” King Hippo asked.

Mouser drew what appeared to be a bomb on King Hippo. “Want an explosive situation, Hippo?” With a laugh, he threw the bomb at the petrified King Hippo. When the fuse burned into the bomb and the bomb failed to explode, King Hippo laughed. Mouser tossed another bomb at Eggplant Wizard. When this bomb exploded, Eggplant Wizard was burst out of the ice block.

King Hippo laughed. “I knew you were just kidding, Mouser.” Just then, a heavy dust was sprayed out of the bomb right up King Hippo’s nose. He began to sneeze uncontrollably. “I’ll—achoo!—get you for—achoo!—this, mouse-brain. I need a—achoo!—a handkerchief.” His nasal explosions continued.

Eggplant Wizard handed King Hippo a dusty handkerchief. “Here you are, King Hippo.”

King Hippo blew his nose on the handkerchief. “Ah. Thanks, Egg—achoo! Why, you—achoo!—you dirty double-crosser.” The audience all laughed loudly.

Dr. Wily took out a large chunk of cheese. “Want some cheese, Mouser?”

“Yes,” said Mouser. “Thank you.”

Dr. Wily handed the cheese to Mouser. “Take it.” Mouser began eating it. “It’s my specialty.” He waited until Mouser had finished. “Tear-gas cheese!”

Mouser broke out into tears. “You dirty rat—I mean, dirty trickster. I’ll get you for this.” While Mouser was bawling, the audience was laughing.

Ludwig was seated at a table near the stage. “This is one job that those fools cannot bungle.”

Next to Ludwig, MotherBrain laughed. “You’re right.”

“When we get through here, we’ll go back to my castle and devise our scheme of conquest.”

“Good idea, Ludwig,” said Bowser, sitting next to Ludwig.

Larry was sitting at a table near Ludwig’s. “In fact, when they enter Ludwig’s castle any day after today, let’s give them the adventure of their life. Or, should I say, the adventure of their death?” He laughed.

Just then, a tomato splattered in the face of Morton, who was sitting next to Larry. Morton angrily jumped on the stage and got in Eggplant Wizard’s face. “Hey, you big, fat, dumb Eggplant. Watch where you’re throwing those tomatoes.”

“Sorry, Morton. I’ll be careful next time.”

Morton turned Eggplant Wizard around and zapped him in the rear end with his scepter. “Address me as a prince from now on, vegetable-brain, or we’ll have fried Eggplant for dinner. Do you understand, you lazy, stupid, moronic, idiotic, incompetent fool?”

“Yes, Prince Morton. Yes, yes!” Everyone laughed loudly.

Morton put away his scepter. “Okay, then. Now, continue the entertainment, or I’ll make eggplant soufflé out of you.”

“Yes, Your Maniacal Yakkiness.” Morton returned to his seat.

This crazy act continued until the cake was served at 17:10. Everyone left at 18:00. At 18:12, MotherBrain, King Koopa, and the Koopalings were leaving.

Dracula escorted them to the return-warp to Metroid. “I hope you had a good time. I had a blast.”

“We did, too,” MotherBrain said.

“Yeah,” said Ludwig. “One whole day of this being nice to those good guys, though, is killing me.”

“Yes,” Bowser said. “Good thing the nice part’s over. Now we can go back to Ludwig Castle and plan our conquests.” MotherBrain and the Koopalings laughed with him. They warped to Metroid, then to where Neon Castle had been in Dino Land.

* * *

Neon Castle’s Former Location, Valley of Koopa, Dinosaur Land, Mushroom World.

Upon their arrival, it was plain that Neon Castle was entirely gone. “Yes, they got Neon Castle, just as I had planned,” Ludwig said. “It appears that the ravenous little dinosaur actually ate it. Therefore, we shall bring my castle here.”

“How about a little Koopa Magic?” Bowser said. He drew his scepter. “Magic scepter, your power is not mere, bring Ludwig Castle over here. Right where my castle’s foundation stands, at that point, Ludwig Castle will stand.” When he had finished reciting the incantation, he blasted Neon Castle’s foundation with his magic scepter. Ludwig Castle was magically transported from Chocolate Island to where Neon Castle had been. Neon lights on Ludwig’s Castle shone the same way as the word ‘Koopa’ had on Neon Castle, except that they said ‘The Castle of Koopa.’

“Is she not magnificent?” Ludwig asked.

“I must say that your castle appears a work of genius, Ludwig,” said Bowser.

“Well, it took me all morning to build.”

Bowser laughed. “Let’s check it out.”

“Very well, but you must all stay close. Only I know the way around my castle fully. In fact, only I know my way around it at all. It’s easy to get lost in, and that means a great deal, since there’s only one real path to my chamber.”

“Then let’s get started,” MotherBrain said. “I have the mapper-chip installed in my tank’s computer, so we can make ourselves a little map for this castle.”

“Good idea. Three-fourths of my traps are very lethal.”

About one hour later, they had almost made it through and were down to the final trap. “Whew, Ludwig,” Larry said. “That would have been painful without you.

“Well, that’s not all,” said Ludwig.

“It isn’t?” Bowser asked.

“No. Now comes my most lethal trap, the Metroid-pit.”

“Oh, how absent-minded of me.”

“And you say there’s no way around that trap?” asked Roy.

“You bet,” Ludwig said. “Of course, it means nothing to us, since the Metroids are not to attack us.”

“Let me at it,” Larry said. “If there’s a way, I’m bound to find it.”

“If you do, let me know. If there’s anyone who can sniff out a way around a trap, it’s you.”

Larry carefully examined the area, looking everywhere. “Now, let me see. Here—nope. There—nope. Here—there—everywhere—nope. There is normally a way around every dangerous trap. Not here—not here—” He stared into the Metroid pit. “Wow. Lots of Metroids, brother.” He now concentrated on the wall closing off anyone who dared to consider leaping over the pit. “That wall would bash anyone who tried to leap across the pit. That would cause someone to surely fall to his doom. That wall that—eureka! I have it.”

“What?”

“My senses tell me that that wall is an illusion. I just know it. But, just in case—Eggplant Wizard, do you have a strong string bean?”

“Now, let me see,” Eggplant Wizard said. “Rutabagas? Nope. Squash? Nope. Ah. The toughest, stringiest, longest string bean you can imagine, and here it is.”

“Perfect.” Larry tied it around himself. “If I crash into the wall if it’s not an illusion, pull me up, okay, Roy?”

“Sure,” Roy said. “Okay.”

Ludwig found himself searching his memory. He knew there was an illusion wall in the castle, but he could not remember where. In fact, that wall could very well be here. “I put one hologram wall in this place. I’m not sure exactly where. You could be right, but who knows?”

“We’ll find out soon enough. Okay, Roy. Throw me over.”

Roy picked Larry up and held him over his head. “Sure thing, Larry.” He threw Larry. “Bombs away.”

Larry passed through the hologram wall with the greatest of ease, stopping for one second when he literally reached the end of his rope, and fell to the ground. Laughing, he put his head through the illusion wall. “What thinkest thou, Ludwig?”

“Obviously, you were correct, Larry,” Ludwig said. Now, I remember. The hologram wall is here.” He stepped on an invisible floor platform suspended halfway between the ledges and the hologram wall. “And the invisible floor platform is here. Now, it’s just a leap away.” Ludwig leapt through the illusion wall and landed on his feet on the floor beyond the wall. “Come on, guys. We’re almost there.” Everyone else crossed the pit with ease, including MotherBrain. They soon rejoined the main path and advanced to the chamber door. “Here we are. Here’s the ladder from the Metroid-pit, and here’s the door.”

“Good work, son,” Bowser said. “Now, how do we get the princesses here without breaking our necks through your brilliantly designed castle?”

“Simple.” Ludwig removed a flask of warp potion from his shell. “With this warp potion, it’ll be easier than falling off a log for you to get to my chamber. Watch.” Ludwig threw the flask on the floor in front of a wall. A door appeared. “Open that door, peer out it, and see if you can see the rear of the castle to the left and right.”

Bowser did so. “I see, Ludwig, but will anyone see the door?”

“On the outside, the door is invisible.”

“Then, how shall we see it?” asked Larry.

“Literally, we shall not. However, all brick patterns are different on the inside and outside of the castle. Father, you could look for a pattern since you’re already there.

Bowser looked above the door. “I see a pattern above the door unique from the other patterns. Upside-down-T-block, upside-down-reverse-L, right-side-up-reverse-L, square, two side-by-side, vertical 4-bars, and regular Z.”

“Good. I shall make the pattern out on several pieces of paper and give one piece to each of you so that you may memorize it. Tomorrow, we shall put our deviously hideous plan into operation. Larry and I shall warp to the Palace of Power and abduct those three princesses.”

“Good,” said MotherBrain. “I cannot wait to see the look on their faces.”

* * *

July 18.

Northern Garden, just outside the Palace of Power, VideoLand.

The next morning, at the Palace of Power, the three princesses were talking outside. They were in their normal attire. “So how is your kingdom, Zelda?” Peach asked.

Zelda was disgusted, but not even remotely at her friend. She abhorred what had happened recently. “It was okay until MotherBrain started trying to add my land to her rule as well. Ganon by himself was bad enough, but MotherBrain’s involvement makes it far worse.”

Ludwig made the warp to the Palace of Power, taking him and Larry to a hidden area outside the palace near the three princesses. They emerged in the bushes near Lana, Zelda, and Peach. “Do you see that, Larry? They are a regular trio of sitting ducks.”

“Boy, I’ll say. When do we grab the ladies?”

“As soon as they walk back this way. And they are doing so.”

Lana stopped close to the two Koopalings’ bush. “Well, it sure has been rather peaceful since yesterday.”

Ludwig and Larry sprang up out of the bushes. “And the peace is now being shattered, ladies,” Ludwig said. “You really thought that we were going to be nice, eh? Well, we have a surprise for you three.”

Larry aimed his powerful Koopa-scepter at the three princesses. “Yes, ladies. We have a free trip to Ludwig Castle in store for you. You are presently under arrest by the Koopa.”

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the Court of Koopa,” said Ludwig.

“You have the right to an attorney present with you during questioning,” Larry said. “If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you by the court. You do not have to answer any questions without an attorney present.”

Lana laughed. “You’re joking. You are not the law here, Ludwig von Koopa.”

“On the contrary, my pretty princess,” Ludwig said. “As soon as you are tried and convicted, Mouser will be the law here, in my name. Unless he does something stupid between now and the day I appoint a regent to this world.”

“I can see there’s no use trying to resist,” Lana said. “You look like a handsome hunk, Larry. Before we leave—”

“Nuh, uh, Lana,” Larry said. “I know you’re trying to sweeten me up. I am the king of trickery. I may be nuts for girls, but not while I’m on the clock, as it were.”

“Well, that will not work,” Zelda said.

“Larry and I refuse to be treated like buffoons,” Ludwig said.

Metroid appeared in the sky over the palace. MotherBrain called from within on the super-radio. “You better do what my young men say, ladies.”

“Wait a minute,” Lana said. “The last time Metroid passed by, it looked like it had no power.”

“Are you kidding? That was a cover-up. We were actually in the Mushroom World, bringing Ludwig’s super castle from Chocolate Island to the Valley of Koopa. Soon, my intelligent Koopas and I will have supreme power, as rulers of VideoLand and the Mushroom World.” She laughed.

“Our friends will rescue us, MotherBrain,” Peach said.

“You shall soon lose that delusion, Your Highness,” said Ludwig. “My new castle is so sophisticated that your friends will not have a chance.”

“Yes, so, if you don’t mind, come quietly,” MotherBrain said. “Consider yourselves now to be prisoners of the Brain-Team, the new organization charged with preventing excessive freedom throughout VideoLand.”

“First, I’ll slap on the handcuffs.” Larry snapped the handcuffs on the princesses’ wrists while they had their hands behind their backs. “Now, girls, enter that warp zone in the bushes from which we sprang.” They entered the warp zone and emerged in the throne room of Ludwig’s castle, where Bowser and the other five Koopalings were waiting.

“Hello, ladies, and welcome to the Doomcastle,” Bowser said.

“And I’ll have you know that there is no nickname more fitting than that for my castle,” said Ludwig.

“Ludwig is a genius, a sheer genius. If you knew the layout of this castle, you could not help but agree.”

“What are you up to, Bowser Koopa?” Peach asked.

“Oh, it is not what I am up to, Your Naïveness. It is what Ludwig is up to!”

Peach felt dismay, for she was aware of the oldest Koopaling’s genius.

Ludwig activated the visual communicator. “This is Prince Ludwig von Koopa calling Queen MotherBrain. Come in, Your Braininess.”

MotherBrain appeared with excellent reception on Ludwig’s monitor. “I copy, Your Extreme Intelligence. What’s up?”

“I have these three princesses here, just as planned.”

“Excellent.”

“Are you and Ridley ready to deliver the message to those good guys?”

“Ready and waiting, Ludwig.”

“Good. You may give it right now, MotherBrain. Thank you.”

“I will get to it. Over and out.” The communication was cut.

* * *

MotherBrain’s Control Room, Tourian, Metroid, VideoLand.

MotherBrain pulled a lever with her tentacle. “This is Queen MotherBrain calling the N‑Team and Mario Brothers. Come in, nice-guys.”

Captain N appeared on one of MotherBrain’s monitors. “What is it, MotherBrain?”

“My boys have your three princesses, and, if you do not work all the way through the Mushroom World, you will never see them again. Unless, of course, you hand over the Kingdom of VideoLand to me. Call me back and let me know, Captain N.” She cut the communication.

* * *

Main Communication Station, Throne Room, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

Kevin sat back when the communication was over. “Oh great.”

MegaMan entered. “What is it, Captain N?”

“MotherBrain has told me that those cruddy Koopas have our princesses.”

“How do you know it’s not a mega-trick?”

“I just know, MegaMan. The princesses aren’t back from their walk in the garden.”

Kid Icarus flew in. “What is it, Kevin?”

“Bowser and his Koopalings have the three princesses.”

“Oh, no. That is terriblus maximus!”

“I’d like you two to call everyone and ask them to meet in the assembly room.”

“You’ve got it, Kevin‑icus.”

“Yes, Captain N,” MegaMan said.

* * *

Control Room, Ludwig’s Castle, Valley of Koopa, Mushroom World.

Ludwig was watching on the monitor in his castle. “It should appear as though we shall be having a hot time in the old world tonight, boys.”

The other six Koopalings simultaneously cheered.

“The ‘yays’ have it,” Bowser said. “Yay!”

“Now, now,” Ludwig said. “In order to smash these good guys into the ground, we’ll need battle plans. Ha, ha, ha!”

“Right‑o. Ludwig, you could create an invisible barrier around the planet, right?”

“I have anticipated your question, Dad.” He went to a new device. “This nifty new gizmo will block off all sections of the Mushroom World, and it will cause all present warps to the Mushroom World to lead to the Mushroom Kingdom, which is the beginning of Larry’s territory.” He activated the fiendish device. “It will take a few minutes to take effect. Larry, prepare for visitors.”

“Yes, my sinister brother. I’ll ready my Doomship.”

“Doomship?” Bowser asked in surprise.

“Oh,” Morton said. “We forgot to tell you, King Dad.”

“We kept our old Doomships to travel on,” Roy said.

“What do you think of that, King Dad?” asked Wendy. In warped MotherBrain, Eggplant Wizard, King Hippo, Dr. Wily, Mouser, and Ridley.

Bowser laughed. “You clever Koopalings. You know how to make a daddy proud. Larry, to your six kingdoms.”

Larry saluted. “Aye, aye, Dad. I’ll fix those rotten goody-goods.” Larry ran out the back door to his Doomship. Bowser turned to Morton.

“Now, Morton,” said MotherBrain, “get over to Flood City and blow your hot air all over that world.”

“You’ve got it, MotherBrain,” Morton said. “Yes, indeedie. You’ve certainly got it. Yes, madam. I definitely—”

“Will you cease your vocal operations and get over there already?”

“Immediately.” He ran out to his Doomship. “I shall not let you down.”

“Okay, sister, now you may get back to your Mirror City, which used to be Pipe Land,” Ludwig said. “Guard it well from invading plumb-scum.”

“You’ve got it, Ludwig.” Wendy ran out to her Doomship. “See you all later!”

“Lemmy and Iggy, get over to Dark Land, and put some more light on the subjects.” Bowser said.

“Yup,” said Iggy and Lemmy, running out. “See you later.”

“Roy, go to western Dino Land and give those cave freaks a run for their money,” MotherBrain said.

Roy ran out to his Doomship. “MotherBrain, I’m solid gone. See ya later, green daddy‑o.”

“See you later, Roy, my boy,” Bowser said.

Ludwig looked out a window and saw five Doomships taking off. “Well, they have all left. Eggplant, Hippo, Wily, ProtoMan, Mouser, and Ridley, front and center.”

The ones he had named reached the center of the room. “What is it, your mad-scientist magnificence?” King Hippo asked.

The prince of evil drew his scepter slowly and angrily at King Hippo. “King Hippo, I have something to tell you, and I shall tell you exactly once. You can call me weird, you may call me eccentric, you have the permission to call me crazy, and you are even permitted to go so far as to call me loony. However, you may never, I mean never call me mad!” He fired a strong bolt at King Hippo, who narrowly dodged it. Ludwig breathed loudly. “Do you get my point, Hippo? Only members of my family may describe me with that word, and then only in the most extreme of circumstances.”

MotherBrain picked King Hippo up with her tentacle and raised him up to in front of her glass jar. “Yes, bozo. Do you get it?”

“I catch your drift,” King Hippo cried. “I catch your drift.”

“Bright lad,” Ludwig said.

Eggplant Wizard began giggling in very low volume, attempting to keep it hidden from the others.

“What’s so funny, Eggplant Wizard?” MotherBrain demanded.

Eggplant Wizard looked around. “Who, me?”

“Yes, you.” MotherBrain positioned King Hippo over Eggplant Wizard. Eggplant Wizard looked up. She let go of King Hippo, who hovered over Eggplant for a second or two. Eggplant scrambled to leave, with all the eggplants popping out of him. Hippo fell on Eggplant with a splat.

Eggplant Wizard popped his head out from under Hippo. “Nothing, MotherBrain.”

“That’s right,” said MotherBrain. “Especially for those unfortunate guys on the N‑Team and the Mario-Team. Soon, our all-out attack on the Mushroom World will swallow them. Then we, great-looking gods and goddesses who we are, shall rule the galaxy.”

“Yes,” said Ludwig. “Then I’ll be the despotic prince in charge of the Mushroom World.”

“Yes, my dears,” Bowser said. “Without the princesses to lead them, it will not be long before all those lands fall under our control.”

“Ludwig, please tune into the Palace of Power,” MotherBrain said. “We’ll see what their course of action is.”

“Correct,” said Ludwig. He tuned into the Palace of Power, where the N‑Team, Mario-Team, Link, and Samus Aran (yes, that female space-hunter who had given MotherBrain her brain surgery) had congregated for a meeting. Samus was about Kevin’s height naturally. She wore a space suit with orange arms, a red helmet and a red piece that covered the upper torso. It included a yellow piece that covered the lower torso down to the knees and orange boots that, in back, came up to the knees and, on the front, came up all the way to the top of the legs. On her right arm from the hand almost to the elbow was a green cannon. A piece of nearly indestructible glass formed a visor in front of her eyes and nose, and two green tubes went from the cheek areas of the helmet to the nose area. Her body itself was strong. She had blue eyes and blonde hair. She wore nothing but a black jump suit underneath when in her suit, as the suit provided plenty of protection from extreme temperatures.

“Uh, oh,” MotherBrain said. “It looks like trouble. They’ve called in Samus Aran.”

“Yes, I’ve heard about that powerful woman before,” Ludwig said. “I understand your complex about her, MotherBrain. She is the one who nearly destroyed you.”

“It was too close for comfort, son, way too close. Every time a Metroid creature is destroyed, my brain suffers a shock. Every time this planet sustains a blast, I am affected as well. The only way to destroy me is to destroy SR388 and all Metroid creatures. As long as there is at least one Metroid left in the entire universe, I can never be destroyed. My brain will always come back together. Now, they are in a period of growth and reproduction, all the better for me. The planet SR388 is made up of my own brain cells, and I can turn those cells into Metroid eggs at will. I must multiply Metroids and keep them in abundance. I am the one responsible for their welfare—I and the only one with whom I have had a brain transplant, that is.”

“I know who he is, too, son,” Bowser said.

“Who?” asked Ludwig.

“Your father and my husband, King Bowser Koopa,” said MotherBrain.

“I see. And I suppose that’s what attracted you two together. But why you, Dad?”

“When I was a baby, my original brain came close to death,” Bowser said. “So, I needed to get some new brain transplanted into my head.”

“At the same time, I had too much brain to fit into my glass jar, so I needed to get it removed,” MotherBrain said.

“The part she needed removed was the very same size as my whole brain. The new brain made itself into an individual brain, an incredible morphing ability that the surgeons had discovered. And the rest of her brain compensated for her loss. In addition, we are linked telepathically.”

“So, you each have the same brain, huh?” Ludwig said.

“So do you and your siblings, Ludwig. When you guys were born, I was able to donate some of the most important elements of the brain.”

“I see.”

“My brain controls all the creatures on the planet SR388, or planet Metroid,” MotherBrain said.

“From what I read, I was under the impression that SR388 was destroyed by the creature Metroid.”

“I know. That’s only the official report, you understand. That happened when those fools from MegaLand’s Galactic Federal Police sent a ship to get a few Metroid specimens and hold them in suspended animation, and they would become mobile again if exposed to beta rays for 24 hours. I decided to step in. Just before SR388 was destroyed—or so the fools thought—I escaped with my evil warriors, those who happen to be in the game Metroid. I created that band of space pirates and took back the Metroid creature whom those fools had stolen. They knew that the creature would destroy all life forms by clinging to the living thing’s body and absorbing all of its energy. Even one Metroid left in the universe would be dangerous to all life forms except for me, who control them. I took it to the center of Planet Zebes, where I planned to expose it to beta rays as my warriors tried to stop Samus Aran. Kraid—oh, that poor creature. Samus blasted him into moonbeams with her Wave Beam. Luckily, Ridley and I had narrowly escaped. Ridley went on before me just before Samus reached his lair. She blew the stuffing out of his clone impostor. When my precious Metroids tried to destroy her, she destroyed all but one. Just one Metroid was left on SR388. Then, my Zebetites and Rinkas tried to stop that unstoppable woman, but they failed. The Rinkas were my last defense before I had to come face-to-face with Samus herself. My impostor was ready just in the nick of time for me to escape. She blasted my clone to pieces. I tried to stop her with the atomic time bomb, but she escaped up the shaft before the bomb exploded.

“I returned here to SR388, where I rebuilt the Planet Metroid. Then, I once again bred the Metroids and, before I could blink, Samus had ruined my plans again. My wonderful Alpha Metroids, Gamma Metroids, Zeta Metroids, and Omega Metroids were all blasted to bits by that meddler. Fortunately, I had the mutated Metroids only in one section of the planet. She was denied access to the portion where I hid myself with half of my regular Metroids.”

“Blast that Samus Aran,” Ludwig said. “Let’s listen to these goody-two-shoes and see what plan they contrive.” They deactivated the mute, and the good people’s voices came over the audio circuits.

“If we warp to the Mushroom World, we’ll have to figure a way to get through Ludwig von Koopa’s Castle,” Kevin said. “We’ll also probably have to beat all the evil Koopalings in order to achieve success.”

“Yes,” said Mario. He pointed to a loop on the warp map. “According to this map, the most reliable warp zone to the Mushroom World would be here, in the Metroid Warp Loop.”

Dr. Xavier Wright, also known as Dr. Thomas Xavier Light in the American MegaMan games, stepped up to the warp map. “Yes. That Warp Loop will definitely take us to the Mushroom World. If we travel within its radiation field, which is about one million kilometers from the surface of Metroid at all times, we should warp automatically to the Mushroom World.” He was a little shorter than Dr. Wily, and he had a full head of white hair with a white mustache and beard and black eyebrows. He wore a white lab-coat with red pants and a blue shirt.

“Good of you to join us, Samus,” Kevin said. “We’ll need your help, I’m sure.”

“Yes, Captain N,” said Samus. Her voice was that of a deep alto, one of the only things, other than determination, that she had in common with MotherBrain. Except, of course, that Samus’s accent was quite British. “MotherBrain is a tough customer. Fortunately, I’ve finally captured that drug-ring on the edge of the galaxy, after several years of hard work. Otherwise, I’d have been here sooner to help smash MotherBrain.”

“How can she be destroyed?” Luigi asked.

“She can only be destroyed by destroying the planet Metroid and all Metroid creatures in the universe. Even then, even if we could seek down and destroy all the Metroid creatures, if we destroyed her, with her brain-link with King Bowser and the Koopalings, the powerful explosions from their brains would destroy the entire galactic cluster. It would be a supernova the size of ten enormous galaxies, at the very least.”

“What’s the source of Bowser’s link to MotherBrain?” Kevin asked.

“Bowser’s brain is from MotherBrain. It all happened when he was a baby. She had too much brain, and Bowser was literally brain-dead. Twenty-four hours and he would not have survived. So, a successful brain transplant occurred between the two, and their brains have been linked ever since. So all nine of them should suffer from the same brain shocks whenever a Metroid creature is destroyed, or whenever the planet Metroid receives a shock. The closer they are to Metroid, the more severe the shock.”

“You mean to say that if MegaMan hit Metroid with his GeminiLaser right now, MotherBrain and King Bowser and the Koopalings would feel it?” Mario asked.

“Yes,” said Samus.

“No,” MotherBrain cried. “Don’t hit Metroid with the GeminiLaser.”

The evil ones in Ludwig’s castle saw MegaMan looking out the window of the Palace of Power. “Hey, look,” the Blue Bomber said. “Metroid is passing by. Let’s see what happens when I shoot it with the GeminiLaser.” MegaMan formed his right hand into a MegaBuster and fired a GeminiLaser. The laser rebounded from a surface on the Palace of Power and then hit Metroid with force.

MotherBrain shrieked with pain. “Stop that, you mechanical idiot.” As she cried out in pain, her face moved around in strange circles.

Ludwig almost lost his balance. “That sharp pain. Samus was right. Whatever happens to you happens to me.”

Bowser held his head in agony. “Me, too. Ow.”

Ridley, Wily, and ProtoMan were concerned. “Oh, no,” Wily said. “This is serious.”

“This is indeed,” Ridley said. “I’ll summon the others.” He activated the radio. “King Hippo. Eggplant Wizard. Mouser. Get in here, you fools.”

The three came in. “Uh, oh. What’s happening, you three?” King Hippo asked.

“Take the warp to Metroid and get it away from the Palace of Power,” Ridley said. “Eggplant and Mouser, man the hologram projector.” They hesitated as they looked to MotherBrain. “Hurry up and do it, you confounded idiots. We haven’t time for MotherBrain’s confirmation.”

“Okay, Ridley,” said Eggplant. “Let’s do it, Brain-Team.” The fools did as Ridley had commanded.

“Good work, my dear Ridley,” Wily said. “You still intimidate those fools well.”

“Thank you, Jerome. Hey, you stupid ignorami. Why don’t Wily, Proto, and I see the N‑Team yet?”

“We’re on it,” Eggplant said. He whispered, “Puff.”

“If you refer to him as that again, you’re a dead veggie,” MotherBrain said. MotherBrain, Bowser, Ludwig, Ridley, ProtoMan, and Wily saw a hologram of the window through which MegaMan was looking, and they saw MegaMan.

“Whoa,” MegaMan said. “MotherBrain, Bowser Koopa, Ludwig von Koopa, Dr. Wily, ProtoMan, and Ridley are projecting their holograms outside the window.”

“Right first time, brother,” said ProtoMan.

Captain N appeared in the window. “Well, MotherBrain. How does that feel?”

“I’ll say, if you do that one more time, your princesses will get it,” MotherBrain said. “And you will get it from my stupid yet faithful servants.”

“Well, big brain, if you harm one hair on the princesses’ chinny-chin-chins, we’ll blast the heck out of Metroid,” Mario said.

“Small price to pay, pasta twerp. Ah! The side effects of the blast have died down. Now you listen here, Mario. If you so much as touch the surface of Metroid, your princesses are going to be toast. Better yet, we’ll use Princess Peach as jam for our toast.”

“Well, with all my weapons, I can blast the planet Metroid, and you will wish you were destroyed,” MegaMan said.

“I’m glad Samus has told you, mega-brain-midget, that we cannot be destroyed unless you destroy all Metroid creatures, including the Metroid-upgrades, and the planet Metroid,” Ludwig said. “And that is not a load of baloney, you know.”

“Yeah,” said Bowser. “And with our six powerful castles made of Tetris blocks, we can—”

MotherBrain tied her tentacles around Bowser Koopa’s mouth. “Uh, oh,” she whispered. “You’ve spilt it, dear.”

“Yeah,” Ludwig said confidentially. “Nice going, Father.” He turned to the N‑Team.

“You nice-guys better not tangle with us. Unless, of course, you want the adventure of your death.”

MotherBrain laughed. “Ludwig’s right. Keep away from the castles. Threaten you later.” Eggplant and Mouser deactivated the hologram projector, and the Palace of Power hologram vanished. “Bowser, there is an item called the Sacred Square of Tetris that can be used to control Tetris blocks. With it, the N‑Team can easily decimate the castles.”

“Oops,” said Bowser. “My big claptrap.”

“Fear not,” Ludwig said. “I know who is in possession of the key to the Chamber of Tetris: Lana’s big brother, Prince Lyle Deschain, who allowed Lana to supersede him as heir to the throne of VideoLand. I can get to him and steal the key. Once the Sacred Square is in my possession, I will be able to fortify our castles. We shall be able to turn the very walls into treacherous weapons.”

“I guess you’d better hurry, then.”

“Yes. Even though I can stop them myself, it will be interesting to see what the N‑Team does when I add a blockfall.”

“Ooh, boy,” said Eggplant Wizard. “I can’t wait. It’ll be fun watching the N‑Team get fried in your castle, Prince Ludwig.”

“Yes, it will. Now, idiots, go down to my Doomship. Load the following items onto it. Got a sheet?”

King Hippo got a small spiral notebook out of his pocket and opened it to a clean sheet. “Got it, boss.”

“Good. Now, write this down.”

“Oh. I ain’t got a pen.”

“Then get one off the computer table. Why do you think I have a surplus of pens there?”

King Hippo got a pen off the table. “Shoot, boss.”

“Now, I want you to load the following items onto my Doomship: my instant fold-up lab, Wily’s Robot Masters, my Clowncar, and a box of MotherBrain’s instant Metroids. Got it?”

“Fold-up lab, Robot Masters, Clowncar, instant Metroids. Got it, boss,” said King Hippo.

“Then get out of here, and let me know when you’ve completed your task.”