10--RMWVL, Part 1, Ch.2

July 16.

Throne Room, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

id Icarus was at his station in the Palace of Power. As he read the evening newspaper, the top headline shocked him. “Oh, my gosh! They’re going to get married.”

Simon Belmont was at the station next to him. “No, we’re not. I don’t think I’ll ever get Lana to fall in love with me. She seems quite taken with Captain N, for reasons that I have yet to discover.”

“I’m not talking about you and Lana, Simon.”

“Well, then, what are you talking about?”

“The evening news says that King Bowser Koopa and MotherBrain are going to get married.”

“How tacky. How could a bag of scales and a brain love one another?”

“I don’t know, but I’m telling Princess Lana‑cus at once.”

Lana stepped into the room. “You’re telling me what, Kid Icarus?”

“Look at the paper, Your High‑nicus. Bowser Koopa and MotherBrain‑icus are going to have a wedding!”

“A wedding! Oh, no. If that happens—”

“Don’t worry,” said Simon. “I’ll protect you.”

With MegaMan, Captain N came in. “What will you protect her from, Simon?”

“You really don’t need to know, Kevin.” Simon pushed Kevin back a little too forcefully and knocked him on his back. “Oops.”

Lana helped Kevin up. “Simon, that wasn’t very polite,” Kevin said, controlling himself before he got into yet another quarrel with the vampire hunter.

“Don’t worry about that, Kev,” said Lana. “I think the word ‘polite’ is incomprehensible to Simon.”

“I beg your pardon,” Simon said.

“I believe that I indirectly inquired as to what was going on,” Kevin said.

“Bowser Koopa and MotherBrain are getting married on CastleVania tomorrow, Kevin‑icus,” said Kid Icarus.

“I don’t see what’s so bad about that, guys. After all, it’s just a wedding. They’d just join forces anyway, whether they were getting married or not.”

“You’re right, Kev,” Lana said. “It’s just a wedding.”

“But we weren’t invited,” Simon said.

“So what’s your point, Simon?” Kevin asked.

“Creeps such as Larry Koopa are invited instead.”

“I would expect that, since they’re part of Bowser Koopa’s family.”

“I just don’t know what those two would see in each other,” said Lana.

“Probably, they find each other’s ugliness appealing. I’ve played Super Mario Brothers many times. Although I defeated Bowser several times, I doubt that it’s sufficient practice for beating him and his Koopalings.”

“I’ll go load the games Super Mario Brothers 2, Super Mario Brothers 3, and Super Mario World into our system,” said MegaMan. “You may need them to practice.” The radio beeped. “Incoming call from the Mushroom World. Maybe it’s those mega-bad guys.”

Lana went over to the control panel beside Kid Icarus’s. She tapped a button so that the screen would come on, and MotherBrain appeared on the screen.

“Good evening, N‑Team,” said the brain. For once, she seemed truly happy to talk to them. “In case you didn’t know, Your Highness, King Bowser Koopa and I are getting married tomorrow.”

“Yes,” said Princess Lana. “We heard. What about it?”

“You are invited, as special guests of the brain and as the ruler of VideoLand. We shall not be up to anything until the day after tomorrow. Since our wedding is in CastleVania, you can count on Count Dracula to make sure you get to the ceremony on time. Keep your necks protected, just to be on the safe side. I trust him not to do anything, but one never knows. I hope you’ll come. Good‑bye!” The screen cut off.

“Me?” Simon demanded. “Trust Dracula? Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Shut up, Simon,” Lana said.

“Yes, Your Cuteness.”

“Let’s go to this wedding,” Kevin said. “If those crazy twits Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are there, we’ll probably have a laugh or two.”

MegaMan laughed. “If those two are there, we’ll have mega-laughs galore.”

“Right on‑icus,” Kid Icarus said.

Duke released a bark. “I don’t know whether dogs are allowed, Duke,” said Kevin. “They might be.”

Kid Icarus still felt worried. “MotherBrain might be preparing another trick.”

“If you believe so, you should go do target practice,” Lana said.

“Yes, Your High‑nicus.”

“Hmph,” said Simon Belmont. “Target practice is for wimps.”

“Whom are you calling a wimp‑icus?” asked Kid Icarus.

“Real men do not need target practice. I can think of nothing more—” Lana covered Simon’s mouth with her hand.

“Target practice is for smart people,” said Lana. “Continue, Kid Icarus.”

Kid Icarus took his bow and flew toward the practice chamber. “Later, Your High‑nicus.”

* * *

MotherBrain’s Planning Room, Tourian, Metroid, VideoLand.

Ludwig came into the planning room to help Bowser and MotherBrain. “Hm. Father, you need a suit. I don’t think you want to get married wearing only your shell.”

“You’re right, my boy. What about you, my dear?”

“I have a gown I think I can use,” said MotherBrain. “That is, supposing those two idiots have not messed it up yet.”

“Whom are you talking about, as if I didn’t know?” Bowser asked.

“King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard.”

“I thought so.” The door chime sounded. “Who’s there?”

“It is I, King Dad,” said Larry.

“Come on in.” The door opened to admit Larry. “What is it, son?”

“Mouser is here, Father.”

“Another idiot to look after. Luckily, he’s smarter than King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard combined. I know that’s not saying much, but it’s something. He’s smarter than my other idiots, Try‑Clyde, Koopa-Troopa, and Clawgrip. Shall we invite Mouser, my dear?”

“Yeah,” MotherBrain said. “An unexpected part of the entertainment routine I had planned to amuse the guests.”

“Okay, Larry. Tell Mouser he’s invited.”

“Certainly, Father,” Larry said. “Then, may we Koopalings go out to find proper attire?”

“Of course. See you later.”

“Later, King Dad.” Larry left.

“I have a suit,” Ludwig said.

“Very good, Ludwig. Go put it on so we may see what it looks like.”

“Certainly.”

* * *

A little later, Ludwig returned to the planning room, this time in his suit. “What do you think of it?”

“Pretty good, pretty good,” Bowser said.

“I agree,” said MotherBrain. “It fits you to a T!”

“Why, thank you,” Ludwig said.

“You, my dear son, are going to be my best man,” Bowser said.

“Thank you, Father. I’m honored. Who shall be your bridesmaid of honor, MotherBrain?”

“I only have one bridesmaid in mind,” MotherBrain said. “That will be your dear sister.”

“Very suitable. I assure you, it will make her happy.”

“Dr. Wily and she are going to help supervise those two super-idiots, King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard, who are to help me put on my wedding gown. I can’t believe how much trouble I had with those twits when I almost married that stupid Belmont.”

“Once, I almost got Princess Peach Toadstool to marry me,” said Bowser. “I would have received the greatest amount of political power imaginable in that sixth of the galaxy, but the Mario Brothers ruined everything.”

“Another time, Princess Peach went on vacation in Hawaii and left the Mario Brothers in charge,” Ludwig said. “Dad was giving the Marios a hard time, and the brothers were receiving the blame for his actions, so they wrote to the princess to ask her to return. Of course, we intercepted the message. I had been creating a robot princess to take the kingdom. She almost turned the Mushroom World over to Dad, but the real Princess Peach came back and spoiled the plan.”

“I expect that the N‑Team will not ruin the wedding,” MotherBrain said. “Almost any single N‑Team member has over a trillion times more manners than my two imbeciles combined. Of course, Simon Belmont may be an exception.”

The other six Koopalings entered. “We are back,” said Larry. “Each of us has obtained proper attire for the ceremony, most heinous Father.”

“Good job. You look great.”

“We got the best stuff money can buy,” Roy said, “except that we stole it.”

“That is even better!” Bowser laughed.

“You all have qualities that inspire my pride, Koopalings,” MotherBrain said. “To think that I’ll be marrying into such a wonderfully malicious family.”

“What think you of my suit, my corrupt kiddies?” Bowser asked.

“Looks great, King Dad,” Wendy said.

* * *

July 17.

Dressing Room, Palace of Power, VideoLand.

Early the next morning, the N‑Team was getting ready for the ceremony. “What do you think of this suit, Princess?” Simon asked.

“That one’s great, just like the rest of the ones you’ve tried,” Lana said. “You can stop now.”

“Thank you, Princess. I just want to look my best. You look great in your gown. Hard to believe that you and I aren’t the ones getting married.”

She frowned darkly. “Don’t presume too much, Simon.”

“Of course not, of course not.”

Wearing a handsome black suit, Kevin entered. His appearance took Lana’s breath away. “I found something. What do you think?”

“You look so handsome, Kevin,” Lana said.

Simon’s lip twisted. “Somehow, I am forced to concur.” He was jealous of Lana’s attraction to Kevin because he was attracted to her himself, but he was coming to realize that he probably would never get her to fall in love with him.

Kevin chose to ignore the sarcasm in Simon’s tone. “Thanks. You both look great, too. How are the others coming?”

MegaMan entered the room. “Here I am. What do you think?”

“You look good in that suit, MegaMan,” Lana said.

“Thank you, Your Highness.”

Kid Icarus showed up with his suit. “What do you think of my suit?”

“Looks good, Kid Icarus,” said Kevin.

“I agree,” Lana said.

“Thank you,” Kid Icarus said.

Duke whined in the door. “Oh, come on in, Duke,” Kevin said. “It’s not that bad.” Duke entered, wearing a handsome suit designed for a dog.

“You look pretty good, Duke,” Lana said.

“Why are you such a silly dog, Duke?”

Simon said, “Yeah, you look as though you’ll lick it.” Duke barked, leapt into Simon’s arms—knocking the unprepared Simon on his back—and proceeded to lick his face. “Yuck. Get your dog off me, Captain N. I’m being poisoned.”

“You shouldn’t have said ‘lick,’ Simon. That’s the magic word. Duke, get off him.” Duke got off Simon, who rose to his feet afterwards.

“Whew. Thank you, Kevin.”

Rush, MegaMan’s dog, came in. He was about Duke’s size, and he was a red and white robotic dog with pointed ears. “Doesn’t Rush look mega-great in his mega-dog suit?” MegaMan asked.

* * *

Dressing Chamber for Lackeys, Norfair, Metroid, VideoLand.

Things were not going so well on Metroid while ProtoMan, Dr. Wily, King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, and Mouser got dressed together. King Hippo belly-laughed. “I bet my new suit looks better than yours, Eggy.”

“Oh, yeah?” Eggplant Wizard said. “Even Mouser’s could look better than yours, King Hippo.”

“Even mine?” demanded Koopa’s most loyal servant, Mouser, who had a pronounced German accent. When he spoke English, his Ws came out as Vs. Before P and T, his Ss came out as Shs. Sometimes, his Ths as in ‘that’ came out as Zs, and his Ths as in ‘both’ came out as Ss. He was a mouse about Mario’s size with a long prehensile tail, and he wore dark shades all the time. “Wait a minute, eggplant-brain. Is that an insult to King Hippo and me? Mine looks better than both of yours combined.”

“Oh yeah, mouse-breath?” said King Hippo. “Well, yours looks like it’s seen one too many Bob‑ombs.”

“Mine? Thine looks like a cow milked on it.”

“Well, Eggplant Wizard’s has eggplant in its face.”

“Mine?” asked the Eggplant Wizard. “Thine shows half of thy fat stomach!”

“Why, thou!”

“I warn you not to continue this,” said Dr. Jerome Wily, ready to go.

“Yeah,” ProtoMan said. “If not, MotherBrain will be alerted as to your activity by one of her smartest employees.” ProtoMan was an android much like MegaMan, with red where the dark blue was on MegaMan and white where the lighter blue was on MegaMan. He wore shades that concealed his eyes. His eyes and hair were, for the record, the same color as MegaMan’s.

“Wily’s smart, all right. A smarty-pants. I am employed by the dishonorable King Bowser.”

“Well, then, in your native language, du müssen sein sein dummst Angestellter, cheese-brain,“ King Hippo said. This was his attempt to say in German, ‘You must be his dumbest employee.’ Mouser erupted with laughter. “What are you laughin’ at?”

“That’s not correct grammar, you laughable imbecile. That’s not even German. The words are in German, but you used English construction. And you even pronounced a couple of words wrong. You shouldn’t try to speak it if you haven’t a proper tutor to point out your mistakes. Ha, ha, ha! Of course, I’ll be glad to laugh at you whenever you make errors, in English or in German.”

“Ah, shut up.”

Eggplant Wizard tossed an eggplant in King Hippo’s face. “Hey, King Hippo. You’ve got eggplant in your face. Ha, ha, ha!”

ProtoMan and Dr. Wily started calling MotherBrain.

King Hippo bashed Eggplant Wizard in the face. “Oh, yeah? Well, you are a real knockout.” MotherBrain’s hologram appeared in the room. “Why, Thy Gracious Highness, what a pleasure.”

“Shut up,” MotherBrain said. “What do you three fools think you’re doing? And why do you have eggplant on your face? It does nothing to improve your already hideous visage.”

Hippo cleaned the eggplant off his face. “Uh, we were getting ready for the wedding just like you told us, Your Maniacal Braininess.”

“Then why were you fighting? I didn’t tell you three fools you could fight.”

“This stupid eggplant started it all, MotherBrain.”

“It’s a lie, MB,” Eggy said. “Cheese-breath here started it.”

“Prevaricator,” Mouser said. “Dr. Maniac and ProtoBrain started it.”

“Quit your lyin’, you rodent,” MotherBrain said. “Wily and his assistant are intelligent enough to stay on my good side.” Eggplant, Hippo, and Mouser started trying to talk over one another in their feeble attempts to say who did it.

Ludwig burst into the room with Ridley, MotherBrain’s most intelligent assistant aside from Wily. Ludwig’s fingers were sparking with evil magic. “What is going on in here?”

“Your Maniacal Koopaness, it was Eggplant Wizard who started it,” said Mouser. “You know I am a loyal—”

“I don’t care who started it. I want you to stop it immediately.”

“Unless you want to be fried.” Ridley was a red, skinny dragon with a long tail and a long muzzle. He had two arms, two legs, and two wings. He was a little larger than Ludwig. He was wearing a suit for the wedding.

“I’ll provide some plasma-power,” said ProtoMan.

“So, you three, prepare for the wedding, before we are regrettably forced to fry you,” Ludwig said.

“Yes, Prince Ludwig,” said Eggplant Wizard.

“Yes, Prince Ludwig,” Mouser said.

“Sure, uh, okay, Prince Ludwig,” King Hippo said.

“Now,” said MotherBrain, “you three get back to work before I come down and help Prince L., Ridley, and ProtoMan take care of you.”

* * *

In front of Count Dracula’s Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

At 7:00, the evil group warped to CastleVania. Dracula greeted them at the front door to his evil castle. A tall, slender villain, he wore a tuxedo outfit with a red bow tie and a long, black cape. Ludwig shook hands with the vampire Count. “I am happy to meet you, Count Dracula,” he greeted in Romanian.

“It is an honor to meet you, as well, Prince Ludwig,” Dracula replied in Romanian. In English, he continued, “You please me by addressing me in my native language.”

“ ’Tis an honor to speak it with you.”

“I remember that you requested me to escort the N‑Team safely to their seats.”

“Exactly, my dear Count Dracula,” MotherBrain said. “Have Agahnim and Medusa arrived yet?”

“No, but they notified me last night that they were, indeed, coming.”

“Good. Got everything for the blow-out?”

“Yes. It will be more exciting than any of my funerals ever were. People rejoiced and celebrated more and more each time a Belmont thought he had done away with me. I have the yummy snacks, the wedding cake—”

“—and the punch,” Bowser said. The vampire count nodded.

King Hippo laughed. “I can do that.”

Roy stomped on King Hippo’s foot. “Not that sort of punch, you cheese-nosed ninnyhammer.”

“Yow!”

“Shut up,” MotherBrain said. “That yelp possessed enough amplitude to rouse the exanimate. No offense intended, Dracula.”

“None withstood,” said the Count. “I only have one pet peeve, really. Do you know what that is?”

“Not precisely. What?”

“People fear me. I hate that. Fear makes blood taste terrible.”

“You should know,” Larry said. “You are a vampire. However, you are not to bite the necks on the N‑Team, Link, or Zelda.”

“Do not worry. I only feed between ten at night and three in the morning.”

“Ludwig, we could add Zelda to our list of intended victims,” MotherBrain said.

“Mmm, yes,” Ludwig said. “I sent the guard-weakening spell to Neon Castle, so Princess Peach and her dear plumbers will make it to the wedding.”

“Good,” said Bowser.

“Come right in and do as at home,” Dracula said. “I’ll stand by the warp from the Palace of Power until the N‑Team shows up, and then I’ll show them the way to their seats. Meanwhile, my mummy will let in the guests.”

Morton considered what Dracula had said. “I thought your wife was doing that.” Morton and Dracula laughed.

Upon entering the castle, Ludwig was impressed with the spooky and ornate architecture. “Hm. What a spookily innovative castle you have, Count Dracula.”

“Thank you,” said Dracula. “I’m glad you like it.”

Wendy saw a mummy go past. “Hey, mummy. How are you?” The mummy did not respond.

“You must excuse my mummy, Princess Wendy. She is too wrapped up in her work to talk to anyone.” Dracula and Wendy laughed.

“If you don’t mind, Drac, my father and I would like to look around your haunt before the ceremony,” Ludwig said.

“Go ahead. Knock yourselves out.”

* * *

Warp Area, Dracula’s Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

Around 8:30, the N‑Team arrived in Dracula’s castle by warp when Ludwig and King Bowser had started looking around the area. “Ah, good day,” Ludwig said. “You must be the N‑Team.”

“I’m Bowser, King of the Koopa, and this is my oldest son and best man, Prince Baron Ludwig von(Bowser)Koopa,” Bowser said. As was the custom among the Koopas, he spoke the ‘Bowser’ in ‘von(Bowser)Koopa,’ even though it was in parentheses when written.

“I know of you,” said Kevin. “You’re the main villain in several video games, King Bowser. I am Captain N of the N‑Team.”

“I am honored,” Bowser said. “Except for today, I am always in the mood to make others suffer, particularly the Mushroomians, those linguine-licking pasta-freaks, and that goody-goody little Princess Peach.”

“The soon-to-be Queen MotherBrain of the Koopas wishes, for once, that you have a good time,” Ludwig said. “My good Count Dracula, kindly show the lady, the gentlemen, and their two doggies around your castle after showing them to the ceremony hall, if you please.”

Dracula said, “Certainly, Prince Ludwig.”

“I mind not,” said Simon. He got out his mirror and stared at himself. “I’m as handsome as ev—” He cut off with a horrific shriek.

“What is it, Simon?” Kid Icarus asked, concerned. Once Simon announced quite audibly what was wrong, Kid Icarus knew that he should not have asked.

“I have a pimple. Never have I had a zit before. The emotional scars could ruin me!”

“It’s so small, even I can’t notice it, Simon,” MegaMan said.

“So? It’s still a zit. So much for the formula Acme-Anti-Acne.”

“You worry about the least little things, Simon,” Lana said.

“So he is the idiot whom MotherBrain has mentioned,” Koopa said.

Lana sighed. “That he is, I believe.”

“I am doomed,” Belmont cried. “Doomed!”

“I can tell that the word ‘vanity’ is definitely in Belmont’s vocab,” Ludwig said.

“That is true,” Lana said. “He is self-centered and ego-maniacal.”

“It sure seems that way,” said Bowser. “Crazy over one teeny pimple like that.”

“How will I impress the ladies with this pimple on my face?” Simon asked.

“Not even my little sister, Princess Wendy O. Koopa, is like that,” Ludwig said. “She may try to look gorgeous all the time, but she would never worry about a pimple that size.”

“This is true,” said Bowser.

Belmont paid them little heed. He put his mirror away. “Maybe using French will let me impress the girls.”

“Simon, the only one you want to impress is me,” Lana snapped.

“You are very funny, Mr. Belmont,” Kevin said.

“Simon,” Ludwig said, “no matter what you say in any language, even if you sound like you can speak it with simple competence, why would a lady be impressed by you?”

“He has a point, Simon,” Lana said. “You let your ego get out of control.”

“Oh, well,” said Simon. “I know there is someone who will always love me and whom I will always love.” He got his portable mirror again and admired himself once more. “Me.” The end of Simon’s whip, his main weapon, drifted up from his belt and appeared to look at him, as would a viper at its prey.

“Simon, your whip is looking at you again,” Kevin said.

“Get back on the belt, you stupid whip. This is no time to play.” The whip slipped off and began to wrap up the vampire hunter. “Hey! What are you doing?”

Once Simon’s whip had tied up the vampire hunter on the floor, Ludwig shook his head. “Pathetic. You cannot even keep your whip under control?” He looked at Lana. “And this inferior form of life is one of your highest-ranking officers, Your Highness?”

Lana sighed. “Yes, he is. Why, I don’t know.”

“It should appear that Simon is all tied up, Your Highness,” Bowser said.

“Get off me, you dumb whip,” Simon said.

“Looks like your whip’s got a crush on you, Simon!” said Kevin.

“A crush. Very funny, Captain N.” The whip, evidently amused, began squeezing Simon. It was not lethal, but it was irritating. “Ow. Cease and desist, you stupid whip.”

“Pardon me, Your Highness.” Ludwig stood Simon up and grabbed the handle of the whip. “I believe that this is the most expeditious way to untie him.” Ludwig yanked the whip away from Simon. This spun Simon, untying him. Ludwig utilized the momentum of the whip to get it wrapped neatly.

Simon soon stopped spinning. “Whoa. Thank you, Prince Ludwig.”

“No problem. Just try to keep your weapons under control. At any other time, I would not be in a mood to help you.” Ludwig gave the whip back to Simon.

“You know, Simon, you seemed to be much smarter in my video games,” Kevin said. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Simon said.

“I can’t believe that a whip and its master are the ones gumming up the works here,” said Bowser.

“Neither can I,” Lana said. “Simon, are you ready?”

“I guess so.”

“Count,” Ludwig said, “I believe that I asked you to show Her Magnificent Highness, the great Captain N, the excellent archer Kid Icarus, the robotic wonder MegaMan, the incredible canine Duke, the mega-super RoboDog Rush, and unbelievably simple Simon around the castle.”

“Hey.” Simon noticed a trend. “I resent that remark.”

“Excellent. You said resent rather than resemble. Your Highness, why is this person on your staff?”

“He’s the only qualified vampire hunter I could find,” Lana said.

“He is qualified?”

“He is really not a fool. He just behaves like a buffoon. He is incredibly conceited. In addition, he is hopelessly infatuated with me. However, he knows his stuff.”

“Believe me, he does a great job when he puts his mind to it,” said Dracula.

“All right. If you’re through fooling around, Simon, I’d like to tour the castle before the wedding is over. See you later, King Bowser and Prince Ludwig.”

“See you later, N‑Team,” Bowser said.

Dracula first showed the N‑Team to the ceremony hall and then took them on a tour of the castle. The last place he took them was the oldest and appeared to have been the most beautiful. “This castle houses the finest spookiness money can buy. Complete with bats in my belfry, I had the former parts of the castle constructed on a good deal. But this part is the oldest. It is a prime example of CastleVania before MegaLand unified VideoLand.” He showed them a room where was a preserved skeleton with his foot in a ball-and-chain lock. “This was the original owner ten thousand years ago. He ruled the Transylvanian Alps from this castle. You can see that he became quite attached to it. He had a real ball here.” He showed them elegant drapes on the windows. “These were manufactured in Scotland Neck, North Carolina, on the Earth in MegaLand. I love that place. I can really sink my teeth into it.” Just then, a grandfather clock chimed to signal that it was 10:00. “It is ten. If you will excuse me, N‑Team, I must go to the chapel.”

“Thank you for the tour, Count,” Lana said.

“My pleasure.” Dracula left.

“Boy,” said Kid Icarus. “Time sure flies when you’re having fun‑icus.”

“Certainly does,” MegaMan said.

* * *

MotherBrain’s Dressing Area, Dracula’s Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

In MotherBrain’s dressing room, she was singing quietly—and quite beautifully—to herself while King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, and Dr. Wily were attempting to dress her appropriately. ProtoMan was supervising. Wendy O. Koopa entered.

King Hippo finished cleaning MotherBrain’s jar. “How are you coming with my gown, Eggplant?” she asked.

Using a rope strung through several pulleys, Eggplant was cautiously lowering the gown onto MotherBrain. “Fine, MotherBrain. Just fine.” Dr. Wily came along with a ladder and accidentally bumped Eggplant Wizard in the arm. The gown fell on King Hippo, and the pulley wheel to which it was attached bashed King Hippo in the head. “Uh, oops.”

“Sorry, Eggplant,” Wily said. He placed the ladder against MotherBrain’s jar. When Eggplant Wizard went to pull the rope, Wily’s foot became caught in a loop in the rope. He was propelled across and bashed into Eggplant Wizard. The gown and pulley wheel fell on King Hippo in the same way.

ProtoMan’s left hand retracted into his wrist to become his plasma cannon. He aimed this at Eggplant. “You’ve got exactly half a minute to get that gown on her, Eggplant Wizard.”

“Heck with half a minute,” Wendy said. “If you don’t do it right now, I’ll fix you good.”

“Yes, ProtoMan and Princess Wendy,” said Eggplant Wizard. He got up and ran for the rope and tripped over King Hippo. Of course, seven dozen vegetables and fruits popped out of the Eggplant Wizard.

MotherBrain sighed. “I wonder how my dear Bowser is doing.”

“Chances are that, at our present rate, he should be doing pretty darn well,” Wendy said.

“That’s probably an accurate assumption, my dear,” said MotherBrain.

Wendy turned to King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard. “All right, you two foolish dumdums. If Her Most Wicked Braininess is late for the wedding ceremony, I will take it out on your worthless hides.”

“Yes, Princess Wendy,” Eggplant Wizard said.

“Yes, Princess Wendy,” King Hippo said.

“This is simpler than falling off a log,” said Wendy as Wily was getting the rope off his foot. Wendy took the rope and performed the actions that she described. “Observe, if you please, how I calmly and coolly pull the rope to lift the gown in the best manner possible. Notice next how I let the rope down a little at a time so as not to drop the gown on the floor. See how I get this gown successfully on MotherBrain. Voilà. That job is done. Got it, idiots?”

“I like your style, Wendy,” MotherBrain said. “Now, Dr. Wily, please proceed to come up here and make certain that my lovely tentacles are ready as you were going to do before that idiot Eggplant pulled you halfway across the room.”

“Yes, MotherBrain,” said Dr. Wily. Then, a loud explosion sounded from the direction of Bowser’s dressing room. “What was that?”

“I don’t know,” said MotherBrain, “but I hope that Bowser’s all right.”

* * *

King Bowser Koopa’s Dressing Area, Dracula’s Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

In Bowser’s dressing room, things were not going quite as planned, either. For a moment, the room was filled with smoke. “Mouser, you dumb rodent with a stupid German accent. Why do you have to let your bombs pop out all the time?”

“Sorry, Your Most Vile Koopaness,” said Mouser.

“Don’t worry,” said Try‑Clyde’s center head. “I’ll help you get your suit on.” Try‑Clyde was a serpent with three heads, none of which held a substantial brain.

Ludwig sighed. “At this rate, we won’t get ready period. Now listen up, Mouser, Try‑Clyde, and Clawgrip. If my father isn’t ready when the ceremony begins, I’m taking it out on you.”

“Yeah,” Bowser said. “Mouser, get my suit jacket on me immediately.”

“Yes, King Bowser.” Mouser put the suit jacket on Bowser with absolute perfection.

“Very good, rodent. Later, I shall officially retract some of the nasty things I’ve said about you.” At that moment, something pinched his tail, and he yelped. “Clawgrip. Be careful, you stupid overgrown crab.”

“Sorry, Your Koopaness,” Clawgrip said. He was a large, red crab with pincers.

“Luckily, there is only one little matter of business left,” said Bowser.

Larry took the tie and handed it to Bowser. “Here you are, my dear dad.”

“Ah. Thank you, Larry.” Bowser put on the tie. “Perfect.”

“Right down to the ‘T,’ ” said Morton.

“I thank you for your help, my kids. I’ll mingle with the crowd. Do whatever you want.”

“You got it, green daddy,” Roy said. Bowser departed for the congregation hall. “Now listen up, Mouser, Try‑Clyde, and Clawgrip. You three have made a big mess in here.”

“Yes, and we require you to clean it up,” Ludwig said. “Now.”

“Yes, Your Koopanesses,” the three said. They quickly got to work.

“Keep an eye on them, Roy,” said Ludwig. “I shall go see how MotherBrain is coming along.”

“Yes, my diabolical brother,” Roy said.

* * *

MotherBrain’s Dressing Area, Dracula’s Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

“King Hippo was polite enough to scrub my jar, and now your stupid tomatoes pop out on it,” MotherBrain screamed at Eggplant Wizard.

“Sorry, MotherBrain,” whined Eggplant Wizard.

“You will be sorry if you don’t clean it up now,” Wendy said.

With haste, Eggplant Wizard scrubbed MotherBrain’s jar. “Yes, Princess Wendy.”

“You’d better hurry,” said MotherBrain. “The wedding begins in ten minutes.”

Wendy sighed. “It’s so hard to get good help anymore, eh, MotherBrain?”

“How true. Hurry up, you incompetent vegetable. You haven’t forever.”

“Yes, MB,” said Eggplant. “There. All clean.”

“You missed a blasted spot,” Wendy shrieked.

“Oops! There. All clean.”

“Good.” Someone knocked on the door. “Who’s there?”

“It is Ludwig,” Ludwig said.

“Come in, my brother,” said Wendy.

Ludwig entered. “Hello! Are you ready?”

“Finally,” replied the brain. “What about Bowser?”

“After a terribly explosive ordeal with Mouser, Try‑Clyde, and Clawgrip, he’s ready. How went it with you?”

“This dumb buffoon, Eggplant, kept goofing off,” Wendy said.

“I’m glad that that part is over with,” said MotherBrain.

Ludwig looked at his watch. “Uh, oh. We had better move it. The wedding begins in five minutes.”

* * *

Wedding Chapel, Dracula’s Curse Castle, CastleVania, VideoLand.

In the wedding chapel, the N‑Team encountered Link and Zelda. “Good day, N‑Team,” Link said. He was in a suit and Zelda was in a dress for the wedding. Link had brown hair and blue eyes, while Zelda had long, blonde hair and blue eyes. Link normally wore a bright green outfit: a green, floppy hat, green vest, and green shoes, with an orange long-sleeved shirt and orange pants. Even now, he wore his sword on the right side so he could grasp the handle with his left, dominant hand. Zelda usually wore a dark lavender shirt that, like Lana’s, left her arms and midriff exposed, along with a blue vest and lavender pants and long, black boots that extended up above the knees. Also, she normally wore a belt with a triangular buckle to represent the sacred triangle known as the Triforce, as well as a long glove that extended back past her elbows on her right hand and a gold bracelet on her left wrist. She wore gold pendant earrings now, as usual, as well as a blue circlet with rubies set into it. Like all descendants of the Hylian race, Link and Zelda had long, pointed ears.

“It’s good to see you two again,” Kevin said.

“Let’s not just stand around,” said Lana. “Let’s take our seats.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” said Zelda. “My feet are about to kill me. I hate these stupid shoes.”

“Why do you hate those shoes?” Kevin asked.

“They’re too tight.” She much preferred her adventuring boots. They were more comfortable, but not appropriate for this formal setting. They sat down.

Simon began staring at himself in his mirror yet again. “Maybe I can cover this zit up with some hair if I—”

“Forget it,” Kid Icarus said. “It’s okay, really.”

Kevin examined the program. “It appears that Ludwig von Koopa is the best man, and Wendy O. Koopa is the bridesmaid of honor.” The music began, a spooky-sounding version of the Bridal Chorus from Richard Wagner’s Lohengrin, one of the most popular wedding processionals. MotherBrain came rolling down the aisle.

When she arrived at the altar, Dracula began the ceremony. “Immortals and mortals, we are here today in order that we might join this reptile and this brain in marriage. If there is anyone who can give testimony concerning why this reptile and this brain should not be married, that person should speak of it now or forever hold his peace.” He paused in case anyone could offer such testimony. No one spoke. “Bowser, King of the Evil Koopas, do you take this lovely lady as your lawfully wedded wife, considering any circumstances in which you may find yourself?” This was the traditional wording in CastleVania.

“I do,” Bowser said.

“MotherBrain, do you take this man as your legally wedded husband, considering any circumstances in which you may find yourself?”

“Yes, I do,” MotherBrain said.

“King Bowser, please place the ring on her tentacle.” Bowser slipped the wedding ring in his possession on MotherBrain’s left tentacle. “Repeat after me: with this ring, I thee wed.”

“With this ring, I thee wed.”

“MotherBrain, please place the ring on his finger.” MotherBrain placed the ring in her possession on Bowser’s left ring finger. “Please repeat: with this ring, I thee wed.”

“With this ring, I thee wed,” MotherBrain told Bowser.

“Very well. With the power vested in me by the Prime Minister of CastleVania, I pronounce you husband and wife. Bowser, you may now kiss your bride.” Bowser and MotherBrain kissed each other at the same location on either side of the glass. Dracula exited.

“And with my power,” Bowser said, “I pronounce you MotherBrain, Queen of the Koopas.” This time the Wedding March from Mendelssohn’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream sounded as Bowser and MotherBrain left the hall.

* * *

Mario-Team’s Cell, Neon Castle, Valley of Koopa, Dinosaur Land, Mushroom World.

The Mario-Team was searching for a method of escaping from their cell in Neon Castle. Unbeknownst to them, their escape was being arranged by Bowser and Ludwig, of all people. Mario was deep in thought. “We can’t just bust out of here. The castle is too heavily guarded. Hmm. How shall we escape from here without drawing the Koopa-guards’ attention to us?”

“Yoshi starving,” said Yoshi. “Yoshi hungry enough to eat entire castle.”

“That’s it,” Toad exclaimed.

“What’s it?” asked Princess Peach.

“Yoshi can eat us out of here pronto.”

“I see.”

Mario held up the Hammer Brothers Suit power‑up in his hand. “I also have a spare Hammer Brothers Suit.” He turned into Hammer Mario, with the most powerful power‑up in the Mushroom World. He shot mega-deadly hammers and was impervious to fireballs when he ducked inside his shell. “Make way for Hammer Mario.” Mario burst the door open with hammers. When the Boomerang Brothers approached to attack, Yoshi ate them.

“We know you’re still hungry, dino‑pal,” Luigi said. “Your lunch will be here soon enough. Look.”

“I see Thwomp Traps, Dry Bones, ‘Boo’ Diddlies, and tons of Koopa-Troopas, and a Boom-Boom too,” Peach said.

Yoshi was excited. “Oh, yum. Snack time.” He stuck out his tongue and caught all the enemies with one swipe and jammed them down his throat. He let out a belch. “Excuse me. I’m still hungry.”

“Let’s get out of this castle before old Bowser Koopa stops us,” Mario said.

A few minutes and many Yoshi-meals later, the Mario-Team appeared outside the castle. “Am I glad to be out of there,” said Luigi.

“Yoshi still ravenous,” Yoshi said. He grabbed Neon Castle with his tongue and hauled it into his stomach. As his stomach was compacting it, he let out a long, disgusting burp. “Excuse me. Now I’m full.”

When Mario’s shock had died down, he laughed. “Will Bowser Koopa be mad!”

Luigi noticed the warp to Metroid. “Yo, Mario, do you remember this warp zone here?”

“No, I don’t.”

“That must be the warp to VideoLand,” Peach said.

Larry’s hologram appeared in mid-air. “You are too right. You’ll never believe that my dad has gotten himself hitched. He just married the lovely MotherBrain.”

Wendy’s hologram appeared next to Larry’s. “We aren’t doing a wicked thing today. The ceremony and wedding party are in CastleVania. The N‑Team and Link and Zelda are our special guests.”

“Yeah. You needn’t start any trouble. In fact, you should really be here.”

Bowser appeared next to the other two. “I arranged for your escape so that you could come to CastleVania on the day of my wedding to the beautiful MotherBrain. The reception party is terrific. Here’s how you get here. When you have gone through the warp zone, turn left, and take the third warp on the right. You’ll arrive in CastleVania. Eggplant Wizard, one of the most brainless dunces in the universe, shall be waiting.” All three images disappeared at once.

“Think we should go along with it?” Mario asked.

“Why not?” said Peach. “Maybe we’ll discover what’s happening in VideoLand.” They leapt into the warp.